Friday, March 30, 2012

Sea Gulls and Me

I have started walking before dawn again. I love the coolness and that time between the deep sleep and the gentle awakening of another day. There has always been something magical about that time of day for me. This morning was no different. As I was walking and the birds were singing and I was giving thanks to Goddess for the dawning of a new day, I remembered a time when I became very aware of how connected we are with Nature!

When I go on vacation to the beach, I make sure I walk on the beach every morning before the rising of the Sun. On this one particular day, Goddess revealed Her message of Connectivity in a visual and profound way.

Walking in the dark on the beach is a magical moment all by itself. Nothing but the waves flowing in and out; no other sounds; not even birds. It is the Stillness that I adore. And on this particular morning I was in prayer when the sea gulls began to arrive. They are the first to wake up and look for food it seems. Then the sky began to lighten. It is gradual you know; nothing out of the ordinary on this morning; I just kept walking and watching the horizon so that with the first glimpse of the sun I could stop and face this magnificent gift of the Earth Turning!

And I did. I stopped and turned to the horizon; the waves still breaking onto the shore; more birds arriving; and I began to worship the Goddess of Love and Light! And then you know that feeling that you get that you are not alone? Well, I got that and thought someone had walked up beside me, so I looked over and saw no one. Then my eyes were pulled down to the sand and there standing right beside me were two sea gulls also facing the rising Sun!

They were not moving or making a sound; just standing there beside this human; the three of us in Awe and Worship of the Magic of Goddess here on the beach! I barely could breathe being overwhelmed at how alike we all are; how responsible we are for each other; and how we all Know the Creatress!

It was as if time stood still, but soon the sun fully rose and the gulls went about their way looking for breakfast. It took me awhile to begin my walk back to the cottage; it was all so surreal! Goddess in all Her Glory showed up on the Beach of Nags Head that sacred morning. I was forever changed!

Moments like these use to be few and far between for me. I think now it was only because I wasn't prepared to see that clearly through the Veil! But now, She Speaks to me on almost a daily basis. Sometimes in the mundane and sometimes in the Awesomeness of Her Creation.

My heart was warm as I walked with this memory today! Many I have told just smile and say, "that must have been cool," but I can see in their eyes they think I must be making it up. But I don't think I could make up such a story. Me and two sea gulls worshiping together on the beach?

Who knew Goddess had such a sense of humor?

Blessed be!

Thursday, March 29, 2012

What Raft shall we choose?

“Your raft, the poet said, floats upon the sea of life. It drifts up with the tide, and down with the ebb. But the goddess is there. The goddess is always there.”
Indian poet Ramakrishma

I remember beach trips. We would take our rafts out into the ocean. We would lay on them “catching some rays” as we waited for the next wave to ride our way onto the shore. Laughter, giggles, high 5’s as we made our way back out into the ocean so we could do it again. No fear, just laughter and fun times. There was “we”!

And times came when the raft became a symbol for that which we hang on to so we aren’t overwhelmed by the vicious storms we find ourselves in. The hard part most of the time is discovering who or what becomes our raft.

Some choices will deflate as soon as we jump on. Maybe there was a weak part in the raft or maybe the raft was too small to hold our weight. Some choices just seem to have a slow leak and before we know it the air is completely gone and we are left out in the storm hanging on to that which cannot support us.

And then there are the choices that keep us afloat; that become a “life line” to survival. Those are the choices that “drift with the tide and down with the ebb.” Those are the choices that sometimes have us ride the current as we avoid the drowning riptide; sometimes have us wait for the storm to pass and sometimes has us point the raft right into the storm holding on for dear life.

Ramakrishma reminds us that no matter; the Goddess is there. She is there when we pass up Her Raft and choose one with a hole in it. She is there when our raft choice is Her. She is there to pick us up and wash the sand out of our eyes, She is there to replace the deflated raft; She is there to find us aimlessly floating with no direction.  

The Goddess is there. She is the Choice! And you know what? Her raft is free with no strings attached! She is the Raft!  There is “we”!

Blessed be!

Wednesday, March 28, 2012

My friend killed himself last week

The Wheel Turns.
But what happens when death comes before it's time?
Why do the good die and the bad stick around?

A good friend of mine took his life last week. On Saturday, he went to finish up paperwork at the job where he was recently let go due to downsizing. He had worked there a long time and this was unexpected. He lost his job at a time when he should have been celebrating with his family. His son will be graduating from college in 6 weeks; his daughter has her Senior Prom in two weeks and graduates from high school in June with plans to go to college. My friend lost his job and lost his life as his despair overwhelmed him.

What was going through is mind as he received the "pink slip" and realized that in 6 months the college loans would come due from his first born and he had his second child entering college in the fall? Did the vision of all these expenses get the best of him?

What was going through his mind as he left his home saying he was going to the office one last time and would be home in time to get ready for the symphony; date night with his wife of ever so long? They had been through so much in their marriage and traveled that journey with so much love and understanding.

What was going through his mind as he drove instead to that bridge over the river? Was he calculating how much money the insurance policies would give his family so their dreams could come true?

What was going through his head as he got out of the car and walked to the edge of the bridge and gazed down at the rushing river? How was it to make the decision to fall into the nourishing waters of Gaia?

There is something surreal about imagining my friend up on that bridge and jumping while his family was at home making preparations for life's wonderful and exciting transitions. There is also something soothing about knowing that as he fell into the rushing water that Goddess enveloped him into her watery world and said, "Come home, you who have been faithful, but can no longer walk this journey."

We will never know the answers to these questions of course. He left no note or last phone call. He had to do what he had to do. The family is devastated and is in shock. They will bury him on Friday. And the daughter will go to Prom without her dad to tell her what a beautiful princess she is and his son will graduate college and not have his dad there to cheer him on. His wife sleeps alone in a bed that was once shared by lovers taking one day at a time.

But the day came when the darkness was too great for my friend and he had to jump. I don't believe that he will be punished for this action in the after life and I hope his family doesn't either. I believe that Goddess was there to walk him to Her place of healing, love and light. And She will be there to walk with his wife and children as their darkness turns back into light; however long that may be.

But there is a lingering question that I have, that I always seem to have when someone who has been so good and kind and faithful and supportive and giving and loving dies before their life is complete. The question is why? Why them and not someone who does evil things? Why does the man who abused his kids and still does in their adulthood get to walk the earth and yet my friend decided he could not? Why?

Other unanswered questions in a world that seems so unfair.

And yet the Wheel Turns.
Death comes.
And we continue to walk the path laid out before us until our Wheel Turns from Life to Death.

I pray from this family. It will be a long haul as they move to their New Normal. I am sad for them and sad that I am not living close to them any longer. All I have is the written word right now and that will have to be enough! Blessings on them and others who find themselves in this Land of Questions.

Blessed be!

Saturday, March 24, 2012

What are we to do with you Mary?

I was looking for something I had written and came across a file of Christian Goddess devotions I was writing at one time. I wrote many devotions, but as I was making my transition from God to Goddess and from Christianity to Paganism, I spend many hours with the women in the Bible. The United States is once again on a Witch hunt...they are demeaning women and using the Bible to show their right to do so; attacking women right at the most vulnerable place: our sexuality; our gift of birthing life into the world! With that in mind I want to post one of the Christian Goddess Devotions I wrote and no one has ever read! Blessed be!

Mary, mother of Jesus

Oh, Mary what are we to do with you? You have been the subject of much controversy since the resurrection of your Son. The early Church Fathers struggled with why God would choose to come into the world born of a human woman. The early Church Fathers needed to make you pure and without ever sinning. You had to be so very different than any other human female because how could Jesus, Who is God, grow in the womb of sinful “Eve” and then arrive into the world through the tainted birth canal. Our God wouldn’t make that choice! So, they had to make you something you were not. They made you into an untouched woman who was born without original sin.

If this is so, Mary, then what do we do with your mother and all the mothers back to Eve? What do we do with women in general? What makes us so unusable that throughout time, the Church has struggled with what to do with us? Who decided to deny the role of women in God’s great and mysterious cosmic plan?

Oh Mary, what do we do with you? We must honor and adore you! We must see ourselves in you as being worthy of God’s perfect call on our lives. We see in you that God impregnates us all with a desire to bring the Divine into the world, to birth God right into the midst of our lives and the lives of others. We are all worthy of having God appear to us and say: “Greetings, you who are highly favored! The Lord is with you.”

And God does, but we choose to believe what the world says to us. The world tells us we are less than, we are unworthy and we are not favored. Many religious will look at Eve as causing The Fall therefore, she is certainly the worst of the worst and all women after her are the same.

But God showed us differently. God could have come into the world any way that God wanted to, but you see God chose Mary. God chose to grow in the precious womb of a woman and be born into the world as we all are. What a marvelous plan of God’s!

When we feel we are not worthy of God’s call on our lives we must look to Mary. We must converse with her and let her show us that God chooses us all, no matter where we live, how we look, or what we have done in the past or are doing in the present. God loves us just the way we are, but like Mary God has no plans to leave us like we are.

Mary was changed in an instant, she chose to accept God’s call and she nurtured God’s call in a way only a woman could. She nourished the Divine within her own body, gave birth to the Devine and nourished the Divine throughout His life.

What are we to do with you, Mary? We are to look into your eyes and see ours. You are us and we are you. Chosen, adored, loved, and highly favored! We are to believe it, for it is true! 

So Mote It Be! 

Wednesday, March 21, 2012

Goddess teaches the difference between Listen and Obey

I am so glad I have started walking when I get up in the morning before work. I had forgotten how sacred this time is that I get to spend with Goddess as the world begins to wake up. So it was this morning as Goddess taught me about Listening.

It began as I was once again feeling so bad about the choices I made in my past; particularly the one to marry the man I did when I was 20 years old. My daughter has been having a hard time lately as she makes her own journey to be released from the chains of the abuse by her father. When she does it brings up my own regrets and sorrows. And once again I heard mySelf saying to Goddess: "I am so sorry I didn't listen to you and do what you told me to do (or rather not to do). I guess this is my punishment for not obeying you."

And She spoke to me about Listening and Obeying. 

Obeying, She said, denotes power and control.
Listening, She said, denotes a mutual relationship; one of give and take.

Obeying, She said, comes with a punishment.
Listening, She said, comes with lessons learned and with consequences (different from punishment).

As we conversed (yes, I do in fact talk out loud to her sometimes on my walk; probably another reason I love the time before dawn as I'm really the only one out walking!) I began to see clearly the difference.

In my Christian upbringing, I was taught to obey God. I was taught that when I died that God would open his book and there would be all my sins and he would decide my punishment, so obeying was in my best interest. It was all afterlife punishment and it was power and control of those speaking the words to me. This was also how I was parented: obey your parents or you get a spanking (I got lots of these!). Now my parents would say, "I told you to listen to me!" before the smack came, but it wasn't about listening, it was about obeying to avoid the punishment.

As I have walked with the Goddess on this pagan path, I have left behind that teaching of the judgmental afterlife which would determine whether I went to hell or heaven. What I have gained is the knowledge that how I behave every day has its consequences now and not later. That I am responsible for my actions upon myself and all creation!

Listening denotes a relationship where I honor the one talking and trust that they are leading me in the best direction for me. Listening denies the Ego's control of what I want to do and moves me to look at what is best for me and for others. 

Goddess spoke to me many times during the courtship phase of this relationship. She spoke to me through others and I chose not to listen. And so I married a man that was not in my best interest and would result in terrible consequences for me and my children. Goddess spoke to me during the marriage so often I have lost count, BUT I would not leave the marriage as I was afraid that God would be mad since I made promises in church to "love and obey until death does us part," which translated into "you will have hell to pay when you die if you leave this abusive man!"

And so I had children by this man. I had two miscarriages and then my two children were born. I think Goddess was asking me to listen then too, but I insisted on tests to determine the cause of the miscarriages and then had medical interventions to carry children to term. As a result my oldest son inherited the paternal mental illness and my daughter continues her struggle to find a way to be released from the chains that still bind her to a father she wants no part of and doesn't except in her dreams and anxiety. These are the real life consequences of not Listening.

Oh don't get me wrong, I adore my children and are so happy they were born even tho' my son rues the day that he was.

I learned a lot this morning walking with Goddess. I could give up the fear that this is Karma and I will still have a hell of a time when I die. I could give up the fear that Goddess would punish me for not listening to Her about this man.

I do take responsibility for my actions and for the life I brought upon mySelf and my children. I know I cannot go back, but what I can do now is be there for them with my new found knowledge and hopefully help them heal!

I hope I am a better Listener these days! It is a freer way of living! It is a breath of fresh air that only Goddess can give! But most of all is the Way of the Goddess. She engages and She waits for us to Listen. She doesn't get mad, She doesn't threaten, She doesn't stop talking. In fact, She keeps talking and keeps offering opportunities for us to Listen and Converse with Her.

How I wish I would have known this soon! But how blessed I am that Goddess kept Speaking until I was ready to Listen!

Blessed be!

Monday, March 19, 2012

Sacred Swing

When I moved to South Carolina almost 2 years ago; I took 6  months off from work to listen to the Voice of the Goddess and discern the path that She was leading me on. Blessed I am to live in an apartment complex that is in walking distance of the Lake and that has a Gazebo on one of the coves. I spent many mornings, afternoons and evening meditating and listening while sitting on the swing. This became known to me as the Sacred Swing.

This place was rich with the Voice of Gaia! Goddess spoke to me in ways I had never experienced before and I could hear Her in the movement of the water, the blowing of the air currents, the singing of the birds and the buzzing of the bees. I could see Her in the gentle gliding motion of the birds and the playfulness of the squirrels. This was a most Sacred Place and I grew and I healed and I made my total dedication to the Goddess here on the Sacred Swing.

But one day I arrived at the Lake and realized that the Swing was gone. I hurried to the apartment office and asked where the swing was. The manager told me that it had been stolen! Stolen! The Sacred Swing at the Lake was stolen! She said it would be replaced but by something else. I found it difficult to stay at the Lake and commune with Goddess without the swing there. The energy was dark and foreboding. Two weeks later the swing was replaced.
I was mortified and could hear Goddess weeping. The wooden swing was replaced with a metal glider but what was more disturbing was that it was chained to the wooden posts around it with a big thick yellow chain. The energy was stifling! I could barely breathe. I felt like I was smothering as the gazebo became a place of coldness and bondage and mistrust and power and control! I tried, I tell you I tried, to sit on this glider and to hear the Voice of Gaia, but there was nothing but silence.

And so my walks every day always took me to the Lake, but I couldn't go to the gazebo and sit like I did the first summer I lived here. Oh I would walk down and get close to the Lake and as I did I realized that graffiti had been painted on the walls and one of the picnic tables had been broken up and turned into fire wood. What had happened to this lovely place, this place where I felt safe and where I actually felt I was in a holy place?

And in my pondering over the past year, Goddess began to show me how quickly human beings can change the energy of a place. She had me stop and realize that after the swing was stolen, the management decided to show they had more power and control than did the people who stole the swing in the first place. But they went a step further and showed their power by chaining up that which was there for pleasure.

And I went home and this is what I wrote:

Sadness at the Lake

There was a Sadness as I approached the Lake.
Grandmother Tree waited for me to pause and greet her with a hug. I gazed up and smiled at the beautiful green leaves adorning her sky-reaching branches.

But there was a Sad Energy about.

As I approached the Lake the Sadness became like a thick fog and even with the cool breeze, the air was stagnant.

The Sacred Swing had been stolen weeks ago and now the Replacement had arrived. A cherry yellow metal Glider was in Her place along with a picnic table. “Why the Sadness?” I asked. “Come closer,” the cherry yellow Glider said.

Before I got there I looked out at the Lake and saw a Stillness like never before. The Sadness coming from the Water was unexpected until I saw the oil and gasoline from the boats floating on the top. There was no bottom, barely a reflection, just Sadness.

I walked quickly, wanting to try out the new glider, but as I approached I could hear a gentle cry and the Sadness enveloped me like a glove. “Why the Sadness?” I asked again. “Look closely,” said the Glider and I saw the chains. The Glider and Table were chained together and to the railing with a bright thick yellow Chain.

I sat on the Glider telling Her it would be OK; telling her that I would make this Sacred Space. But as I sat there I imagined all the things, all the people, all the doctrines and dogmas that had kept me in bondage for so long.

I grieved that we have to chain our things, our thoughts, our loved ones in order to keep them safe. I grieved the message. I grieved the purpose.

This is Sacred Space. All of our Bondage, our Pain and our Sadness is Sacred Space. I could choose to not go back, but then I would acknowledge that the Sadness won and that it had all the power.

Instead, I will return with Sage in hand, prayers on my lips and in spite of the symbols of Bondage, I will open the way for the Cherry Yellow Glider to be a blessing in the midst of Her Captivity.

And so may it be for us all!

But unfortunately the Sadness never left~~~~~~~ until Today!

Much to my surprise as I stopped by Grandmother Tree, I noticed a change in the Energy of the Place! I looked and there were two new wooden swings in the Gazebo and the Yellow Glider was gone. I literally ran down and realized that the graffiti had been painted over, the trash all picked up and I rejoiced! I sat on the swing and thanked Goddess for restoring this Sacred Place.
We are all in bondage somewhere in our lives. And sometimes we have our peace stolen from us by another or even by ourselves. And for a time we are lost and sad. But then just a small change comes into our lives by another or even by our own doing and we are free again! It is like the Turning of the Wheel!

I love that they placed two swings here in this Place! I can imagine friends sitting across from one another enjoying each others company or children swinging as their parents cook hamburgers on the small grill. Or for me; I imagine sitting in one and talking to Goddess who will be swinging in the other. The Wheel Turns!

Blessed be!

Thursday, March 15, 2012

The Monk in Me

There was a time oh not so long ago when I knew the Monk in Me! I was so close to God/Jesus that I could taste him, feel him and hear him. The only thing I wanted to do was to worship him, speak about him , sing about him and imagine myself in his loving arms! He was my love story. But the fact was I had a love/hate relationship with the idea of this God; the God that the Church said was the only God. I fought like heck to understand all this about original sin; about our need to have God send HimSelf to Earth so He could die; so He could then look on us poor pitiful humans with some sort of love and enjoyment. I entered the drama of Lent and Holy Week as I grieved for this Man God who HAD to be tortured, beaten and crucified because I was such an awful person! And in the depths of my very heart and soul I could hear Her Whispers! I could hear Goddess calling my name!

I knew my path was different, but I tried to make it the same as all the other Christians. Oh I was so incredibly involved in this Church of the Male God of Judgement and Anger and Hate. But this wasn't the Jesus I knew. It couldn't be. But I was told that they were the same. And so I believed. But then an amazing thing happened. Goddess spoke to me in a loud and clear voice. She spoke to me and chains began to break. It was a slow process. Kinda scary opening up enough to believe something that could mean you were going to hell. Oh yes, that hell that the Church uses for power and control. What if I'm wrong? What if leaving this Tradition means I will not be saved and will burn in hell forever? What if I'm wrong?

And that is where I began. Did I believe in a God who would damn me if I believed in something different? Did I believe in a loving God or a damning God? That's where I had to start. And Goddess called my name! She began to put Voice to the hunger in my heart to know a Divine Being Who looked like Me! She began to put Voice to the desire to know the Divine who held us each responsible for our own behaviors and actions and not on some mythical story of Adam and Eve and how "we are in bondage to sin and cannot free ourselves."

The journey was long coming and had really begun when I was in my teens. (One of the gifts of growing older is the ability to look back and begin to see the puzzle pieces fit together!). And I still have so far to go.

I use to know the Monk in Me!

Now I know the Goddess in Me! I walk among Gaia's Garden and Her Voice teaches me, holds me, loves on me! I walk among Her Garden and see Life and Death and the Wheel turning and changing! I walk among  Her Garden and I know I believe in a loving Goddess Who enjoys Her Creations all the time and wants us to do the same. 

This Monk in Me was a necessary part of the journey. For awhile I resented the Monk, but now I can say thank you; thank you for teaching me to question, to search and to desire a relationship with the Divine in a way that embraces ALL people, all creatures, all religions and beliefs or non beliefs in a loving and understanding manner.

But now the Goddess in Me is open to new and wonderful understandings every moment I breathe. No longer being Told What to believe; no longer believing that I am a terrible person; no longer having a love/hate relationship with the Creatress! I belong to Her and no Other! But the forms She takes vary from day to day; moment to moment; year to year! That my dear friends, is refreshing and delightful!


Moon Whispers

I found myself tossing and turning during the night. I got up and opened more windows; I took off more covers and then even changed into a lighter pajama top. I thought I was just having problems adjusting to the warmer nights. And as I began to fall back to sleep I heard Her Whisper.

Now, I must admit that I have heard Her Whisper to me when She is Full and bright, but She is now Waning and is only half visible so I tried my best to ignore the Whispers and go back to sleep. I had to get up and go to work for goodness sakes. I didn't have time to really discover why I was so uncomfortable in the bed.

Finally I got up and went out on the balcony. And there She was! In all Her Waning Glory! She was there in the middle of the sky shining as brightly as if She were Full, but She was only partially visible. And I stood there, realizing through sleepy eyes that She was Shining so Brightly that I couldn't see any stars. It was a crisp and clear night and Waning Moon Goddess overshadowed even the brightest Stars!

I stood and honored Her, took a picture and then went back to bed continuing to toss and turn until the alarm went off. I laid there realizing that I missed a Divine Moment set up just for me, but I was too tired. I was too concerned about being too tired for work today. I was too tired to ask Her what it was She wanted to Whisper to me at 4am.

I have missed more than my share of these Sacred Moments in my life and so I think I would have gotten it by now. But it seems that I still have so much to learn! But what I have learned is that She will Whisper to me again and I hope next time I will find it more important to spend time with the Divine than to worry about my sleep.

But I'm not making any promises....I tend to be a slow learner!

Blessed be!

Monday, March 12, 2012

Daylight Savings Time

I felt like I had jet lag today! Daylight Savings Time always sets my body in a whirlwind ride! Either way; lose an hour or gain an hour; doesn't make any difference. But it is interesting to me how us human beings feel the need to Control. So much that we Control what time the sun comes up and goes down....or so we think! What a false sense of Control that is. And wait; there are some states in the US that don't participate. They decide to Control whether they want to play the game or not. They decide to keep Time as it's suppose to be and not make people change all the darn clocks and watches they own twice a year. (Oh, and I always forget the one in my car and pretty soon I will get caught off guard thinking I am late going somewhere and I hate being late!)

And so it goes! I never understood why some human decided it was necessary to do this. Oh yes, I know it was so the farmers had more light to do their work and it helps the travel industry and it is nice to come home after a long day at work and still have light outside, but really's an hour!

But what i know is that Gaia doesn't care! The Sun still rises when He rises and set when He sets! We can't control that much. And Goddess Moon rises and sets in Her own Time and not ours! How frustrating that must be for all the control freaks out there! For me that is a comforting feeling, that four times a day I don't have to worry about whether the Sun and Moon rise and set. It is all taken care of for me!

I wish I could say that about the rest of my life!

Blessed be!

Saturday, March 10, 2012

Death and Decay

And Gaia said: "I have equipped you to leave the dying parts of your life where they died and let them decay in their own time. Sometimes, I must use this deadness as kindling for the passion that I ignite in you!"

I was taking a walk one day with my camera and I was stopped by this pile of brush. It was dead. Once a living bush, it was now dry, gray, and decomposing. I stopped and asked this pile of brush what had happened that it no longer was full of life and vitality. What caused it to die? 

It was almost like I could hear Gaia laughing. Kinda like She does so often in the wonderful book by P.C. Cast called Goddess of The Sea. And so I asked if She had something She wanted to teach me here in this place and of course She did. The quote above is what I heard Her say to me that day! 

I have a real knack for giving my dying parts, my sorrows, my grief and failures to Goddess and then in the next breath taking it back from Her. It's like I don't trust that She can take care of it or that She can take it to the dumpster for me. Nope, Me, all that I am can do a better job at getting rid of that which had died or is dying better than the Creatress HerSelf! 

The problem is, I don't! I don't leave it in the dumpster! I climb in and get all dirty again and come out smelling like cow manure. I just don't really want to let that which is done in or to me decay in it's own time. I want the power and control to decide when it is dead and dead! 

And yet, here in this place, Gaia was telling me to leave it be; just like She lets the dying and decaying brush just be knowing that in time, it will decompose and return to the earth. Or, if a lightning storm comes around She may use that to set fire to the brush or She might just open it up for business next Spring for a bird or two to nest there. 

It's the work of the Goddess! Not mine! And I looked back over much of my life standing there by that dead brush and saw those places where Goddess did in fact use the deadness in my life as kindling for the passion I needed for the next part of the Journey! 

She used the deadness I felt sitting in the Christian Church service to ignite the passion for me to seek and find my rightful path. And with that deadness came new Life; resurgence of Spirit and an openness to Her that has been Life Altering! 

Sometimes I must be willing to let the dead be dead. It's hard because what once was alive was so familiar and I knew how to navigate it whether it was healthy or unhealthy. It was familiar and the new is unfamiliar and scary and intimidating. Yet when I do! Wow! The results have been incredible! 

As such I am still a work in progress. Still learning how to give away to Goddess that which no longer lives in, with or through me! You'd think that I would want to do that, but alas it seems not! And Gaia laughs! Not at me but with me as I shake my head and wonder when I will get it. And Goddess patiently waits and loves that I am open to Gaia School of Learning! 

She Speaks!

Thursday, March 8, 2012

Message from SPIDER

I have a wonderful set of oracle cards sent to me by a lovely friend, Rhonda! The cards are called Messages From Your Animal Spirit Cards by Steven D. Farmer. These are beautiful and I so love oracle cards. I tried Tarot but I just didn't seem to have a knack for reading them, but oracle cards speak to me. So this morning I decided to draw a card before leaving for work. I sat on the couch and shuffled them until I felt Goddess telling me to stop and I chose this card:

I went to the description in the book and this is what it said:
"The pulse of creativity is especially strong right now, triggering a not unfamiliar and compelling desire to express yourself through creative writing. Whether or not the tales you weave are true, whether they're based on actual experience or the imaginings of your fertile mind, each day sit yourself down and pour out the words that come to you. Don't ponder each sentence  or paragraph; just write whatever wants to be written through you. 

To inspire and enlighten others, you don't need a profoundly complex tale. Start by describing a personal experience, one where you gained some insight that may also be useful for others. However, don't focus on how people will respond to your story; instead, just enjoy the process of writing without judging your work or yourself. Write to express-----not to impress.

In attempting to write, you may find yourself easily distracted, either with others' needs for your time and attention or with those negative thoughts and beliefs that are the product of judgments and shame that you were subjected to during childhood. A powerful way to release these habitual and self-limiting thoughts and feelings is to write about them in story form. As you do so, don't hold back anything. Through such a catharsis, you heal those words that had originally wounded you."

I took these words and pondered them in my heart all day long. What an affirmation from Goddess that I am doing exactly what I should be doing with this blog and other writing that I do and have done! What struck me the most was "write to express--not to impress." I have to admit that I have been worried that no one would read this blog; that the blog wasn't as creative and attractive as other blogs I read and here is Spider telling me to stop that worrying and concern. I am writing for me and the bonus is if someone else reads it and is touched by the words!

Affirmation through Spider! Who knew! I usually escort them out of my apartment and I have been known to smoosh them in a tissue and flush them. I guess I will have to rethink my relationship with Spiders!

Blessed be!

Wednesday, March 7, 2012

Full Moon Ritual: the gathering of the Witches

Full Moon Ritual tonight was beyond incredible. I am very fortunate to have my apartment balcony face the direction of the moon's journey from rising to setting. She shines onto my balcony for about 6 hours. She shines onto the altar I set up to honor Her and to charge my stones, wand, etc. I lit two candles and my incense. Nag Champa of course; my favorite!

She called to me tonight to come and stand before Her and soak up Her energy. And this I said:
I call upon She who unveils all mysteries!
Oh Mother of all Creation, Goddess Hecate,
the Three and the One.
Goddess of fertility and fullness.
Oh wise one, filled with Luna's secrets
whose torches of the Moon light the darkened sky.
Full-orbed Hecate, Mistress of enchantments,
Queen of Heaven, Earth and the Underworld,
Protectress of all Witches,
Come Now into me your priestess
Fill Me with Your Presence
Oh Gracious Queen of all Witches as I attend this Rite.

And the clouds left the sky and there She was in all Her glory with Mars to Her right and Venus and Jupiter to Her Left and the cosmos was bowing to their Goddess! And I was in awe and began the ritual. I called by name those dear witch friends of mine. I held out my hands and could actually see them gathering from all over the world and I took the hands of those standing beside me; and they took the hands of the next as they all gathered. They were standing in the air; not on the ground as I live on the second floor. And I felt the energy going through both my arms into my hands and into the bodies of all who had gathered. We stood and let our energy heal and bless and comfort each other.

Then we spoke as She, for we and She are one and the same. The Charge was spoken:
I am Goddess of three Moons.
I am mistress of the Night.
I am the richness of the Earth.
I am the Moon and the Seas.
I am all that was and is and ever shall be.
Nor has any mortal ever seen that which lies beyond my veil
for I am indeed mistress of mysteries and the keeper of the keys.
I am Queen of all living things, for I Am Goddess of Nature.
I smile and the radiance of the Moon is everywhere.
Gather in secret if you must,
but do not tarry too long behind closed doors,
for it is in the richness of the earth and the boundlessness
of the sky that my true temple is to be found;
And the Moon, and the sun and stars will keep you secrets.
I am all these things and more.
Hear my words my children and worship and be glad.
Look for me within these things but above all,
within your own soul, for it is there that I am.
I have been with you in the beginning
and I shall be with you at the end.
I am the womb of new beginnings,
as yet unimagined and unknown.  (ritual written by Witchwillow)

We stood and soaked up Her energy and then one by one the witches left. I bowed to Her, blew out the candles and brought the incense inside after anointing the balcony, stones and myself.

I felt like I was walking on air. Ethereal is the word that kept coming to mind. I am blessed that Moon Goddess shared Her Energy and that the Witches came from all over the world in Spirit to join in this amazing time!

Blessed be!   


And the storms came
And the towering pine trees were pulled right up out of the ground.
Gaia had a lesson to teach us.

She is like that, you know!
She has built all the lessons we need to know into Her Creation!
It is up to us to open our eyes and ears and watch and listen.

The pines have very shallow roots.
Roots that hover just under the ground surrounding the trunk.
It took a big storm to uproot them, but they were uprooted none the less.

How deep are our roots?
What have we done to encourage our roots to dig deep into the soil?
What anchors us to Gaia?

There were Oaks that fell also.
Some uprooted and it is amazing to see how deep and how large the roots were.
What a storm that must have been?
What storms come into our lives to uproot us when we were assured we were anchored?

Gaia wants to remind us that no matter what, we are all susceptible to storms that threaten to uproot our very lives.
Sometimes we stand and weather it with only a loss of a few leaves and branches.
Sometimes we are pulled up by our roots and left to rot in the forest.

And the workmen came with chain saws in hand.
They cut up the trees into smaller and more manageable pieces to be used for firewood or taken somewhere else to decay and give back to the earth.
Gaia reminds us that there is no waste in Her Creation.

And that includes us!
Sometimes it is pruning time and Gaia has to send a major storm so that we can be rid of unnecessary branches.
Sometimes it is necessary for us to be chopped up into pieces and transported to another place.
Sometimes we are left to rot so that new life can come forth.

Gaia has a lesson and we just need to pay attention.
What lesson is she teaching me?
What storms have come into my life? What ones are still on the radar screen?

My roots are deep and strong, but my branches that reach out into the world are tender and vulnerable. They are at risk to be broken, shattered and destroyed.
But Gaia never leaves something to be nothing.
She uses everything in Her Creation and She uses me and you!

How awesome is that?

Monday, March 5, 2012

Ah Demeter!

I was thinking how quickly this winter has gone for me. The weather has been very mild and with a new part time job I have been quite busy. There are only a few days left of this winter and I am reminded of the story of Demeter and her daughter Persephone! I am reminded of how much Demeter resembles what all Mother's go through as their children move along their own journey. I have a son who suffers from Borderline Personality Disorder and has battled with depression since Middle School. He is now 30 and continues to struggle. Being his mom has always been like experiencing the seasons sometimes all at one time! And so, I rediscovered a piece I had written in honor of Demeter a year or so back and would like to share it with you all now. I hope it speaks to you, whether you have a child or not. We are all mothers to someone! Blessed be!

Ah beautiful Demeter
Mother of the Triune Goddess!

You are the example of motherhood we can look to.
You know what it is like to lose a child.
We know what it is like to watch a child die.
-die to who they are
-die to addictions
-die to grief
-die to persecution and bullying
We know what it is like to watch out child be dragged into the underworld.

And we search, oh Demeter, we search as you did
And our hearts grow cold and we see the world as frigid and icy and dark.
And we are lost not knowing which way to search; not knowing how to let go; not knowing how to trust that our child will return; not knowing how to help.

And our lives and everything around us dies the death we so want for ourselves for we cannot go on knowing that our child is in this dark, unforgiving place.

And we keep searching, knowing that when this child emerges from the darkness we will be there to rejoice and to wrap them in our arms.

We will then see the world turn into rainbows and blossoms and warmth and full of hope and love and forgiveness.
We will walk with this child in the beauty of the day and night knowing that at any time this child may reject our offer of spring and summer and choose once again the autumn and winter for their lives.

The cycle continues and continues for that is the plight of being Mother. We can never ever fully let go and let be.
We will always search for ways to bring the warmth of summer to the very lives of ones who don’t want any part of it.

Ah Demeter
Mother of the Triune Goddess.
May we keep the faith that you kept during times of sorrow.
May we know how to wait at the opening of the cave, trusting upon trust that our child will come running to us for the warmth of our heart and soul!
May we delight in the spring and summer of that time and know how to let go and let be when the autumn and winter take their turn!

Ah Demeter!

Sunday, March 4, 2012


I went to Church this morning.

I bundled up as it was very cold outside and I went to Church.

I walked outside my apartment and into Father Sun who said, "Good morning my daughter, I am here to Light your path and to nourish you with my delicious Vitamin D! Have fun"

I walked up the hill and there above me was Goddess Waxing Moon who said, "I have been waiting for you! I am on my way to another land and wanted to tell you how much I love you! Watch me wax to light with the promise that I will be full once again; just as your life happens with moments of fullness, waxing, waning, darkness. I am always here; find me!"

I went to church today!

Mr. and Mrs. Cardinal stopped their flight and perched in a tree as I passed and sang their sweet love song to me. I bowed with a Namaste and smiled and I do believe if birds can smile they smiled back.

An elderly couple waked by coming from the corner store with a newspaper in his hands. We greeted one another as we passed. I could feel Goddess smile.

I went to church today!

The wind blew and I pulled my scarf up closer to my face and looked up at the pine trees standing tall against it. And I thanked them for showing me green life in the midst of the cold winter. I know it to be true that in my winter times life still stirs inside of my soul!

And then I noticed that the Red Bud trees were budding. Fooled by the recent very warm spell they have begun to push forth their flowers only to be greeted now with freezing temperatures and the surprise that it is not yet time to bloom! Ah, Teacher, how I must pay attention to times I think it is time to bloom and you are telling me "not yet!"

I went to church today.

Grandmother Tree waited for me to come and give her a hug which I did and I was filled with her strength and groundedness.

And the Lake was full of life. Two small ducks gracefully glided over the water, disappeared under the water and then reappeared further away. The Geese choir was in full force and squirrels were playing in the trees. Not a cloud in the sky as a Raven spread it's glorious wings and silently flew on the wind currents!
Leaves spoke to me as I walked through them reminding me of my childhood playing in the forest and loving that sound. It was quiet on my walk through the forest on my way back home. Only the faint cry of a bird; the wind singing through the trees bare of their leaves; and the rustle of leaves as the squirrels ran for the next tree. An acorn fell.

I went to church today!

And I paused to say thank you to Gaia. She who provides all! She who is the Teacher of Life! She who is all there is and all there ever will be!

And I paused to say thank you to Goddess for all Her Creation! I lifted up to Her all my requests for healing, love, comfort, support, safety, understanding, peace, and joy!

I went to church this morning and never stepped into a building, never had to worry about whether it was ok for me to be there, never had to worry about the rules, about whether I was worthy enough, about whether I believed the right things.

I was in the Goddess Church; where I am at all times!

And I was blessed!

Saturday, March 3, 2012


I often try to remember when I had Voice!
Maybe when I threw temper tantrums as a two year old, but then my mother took a belt to me and I stopped.

I often try to remember when I had Voice!
Maybe when I stood up to the Junior High tough girls and got beaten up in the ally after school. I stopped.

I often try to remember when I had Voice!
Maybe when I argued with the pastor about the treatment of women in the church and the representations of women in the Bible. And he told me it was God's decision that women should not be in leadership in the church, that girls could not light the candles or carry the cross. And I stopped asking, but I was madder than hell!

I often try to remember when I had Voice!
And what comes to mind is the night before my wedding when my mom said to me: "you have to give 150% in this marriage, you have to let your husband make the decisions, you make his coffee in the morning and you don't argue with him. You make him happy and that will make you happy." And I tried, as much as I knew in my heart this was not right, I tried.

I often try to remember when I had Voice!
Maybe when I couldn't understand why my new husband went into the bathroom with a porn magazine before we went to bed and had sex and when I asked him he said, "you don't turn me on, so I need to look at other women first." And I laid there and let him have his way because that was what a wife did. And the Voice became silent.

I often try to remember when I had Voice and I realize that I can't remember. I can only remember having someone else's Voice. Either my mom, or my teacher, or the pastor, or the president of the country, or the Sunday School teacher, but not my Voice!

It was stolen from me and I didn't know it so I could stop giving it away!

But my Voice returned and I said, "I'm done and I'm leaving your sorry abusive ass!"
My Voice said, "I will no longer be treated like this and I retired."
My Voice said, "This Christian Tradition has ruined too many women, including me and portrays women as second class citizens and I left."

My Voice! My Divine Feminine Voice! My Voice that leads me to the Truth! It is getting stronger every day! It is taking risks that I thought it never would! My Divine Voice is empowered by Goddess!

I often try to remember when I had Voice!
It is NOW!

Welcome to Gaia Speaks

How exciting to begin my first blogging experience. I have been writing for a long time, but have not had the courage to begin the blogging! My magickal name is Angelique Autumn and I am 59 years young! I am certainly in  my Crone Years and embracing it with all my might! Goddess has spoken to me for as long as I can remember, but just in the past 10 years has She encouraged me to write Her words for others to hear. This began when I was traveling the Christian Path in the form of Daily Devotions. It was during this time that I began my journey back to the path of Goddess Witch I began in my teen years! It has been quite a journey and one you will see come through in many of my posts here in this Sacred Place. I have been encouraged to publish my writings, but I believe Goddess is asking me to start here and She will tell me if and when it is time to ask people to purchase the words She wants told to those interested in listening. I hope this blog is helpful and inspiring. I apologize that it will not be all fancy mancy as I have limited computer skills and am scared to death of trying new things!

So we begin! Thank you again for joining me and giving me feedback as I step out of my comfort zone! Love and Light and Goddess blessings to you and yours!