Shadow Visits!

Shadow knocked on the Door to my Heart!

I turned on the TV!
Once Upon a Time
Believe
Revenge

Shadow knocked on the Door to my Brain!

I turned on music!
Washed my face
Brushed my teeth
Put on my PJs
Climbed under the covers

Shadow knocked on the Door of my Dreams!
Bathroom
Balcony
Back to bed

Shadow knocked on the Door of my Awakening!
Morning News on
Shower
Make up
Hair done
Breakfast
Work

Shadow stopped knocking

Today as I took my morning walk in the Forest and to the Lake, Shadow slipped into my Mind and Heart as I was no where to be distracted from Her Knocking. She did not wait for me to invite her in!

Shadow said, "Good morning my sweet Goddess. Did you not hear my knocking this week? Did you choose to ignore me? Were you afraid of what I would be asking you to look at; to visit with; to say good bye to? Did you not hear my knocking this week?"

I kept walking and looked back over my week. Did not I not hear Her knocking? I realized I was having a great week and so maybe I didn't want to have Shadow visit me.

Shadow said, "I have come to say Good bye! I have come to say I am the last of the Shadows. I have come to release you from looking behind you and wondering when the next Shadow would come for a visit. You my dear have visited with, made peace with and dismissed all the Shadows that dwelt within you.  That is the reason you have felt such peace lately. I am the last Shadow to visit you."

Shadow said, "You no longer have visits from Shame, Confusion, Regret and Anger. You no longer have visits from the Embarrassment of your choices. You no longer sit with the Shadow of Failed Motherhood, Failed Wife, Failed Daughter. You have said good bye to the 'Failed' and 'not enough' Shadows that plagued you for so long. You have dismissed "my body is not perfect, my brain not smart and my health questionable' Shadows."

Shadow said, "In doing so, you understand that you do not 'need' someone to save you from the sinful nature you were born with because you were not born 'sinful'. You have embraced the understanding that you are a goddess with the ability to heal, teach, love, be passionate, conquer, travel, dream, be alone, and so forth and so on. You have embraced who you are, what you need and don't need. You are now able to not take responsibility for  another's journey but are able to walk with them when invited and leave the journey when it is time.

"And so," said Shadow "I take my leave. I am the Shadow that sent all the Shadows to you. I am the Shadow of the Light and Love; of Acceptance and Embracing; of the Moon, the Sun, the Stars, the Grasses, the animals and the very Air that you breathe. For you see, my dear goddess, Shadows are not dark and monstrous. You made them to be because that was familiar. Shadows are always there to help you make sense of that which makes no sense. You have done the work and you have released your own Self by listening to Your Own Voice."

I was at the Lake by this time, and stopped to build an altar of stones. It is freeing to know I have done what I need to do to no longer have to reside in that place of Shadow work. I am now free to use the passion and the knowledge learned from those visits to be a presence in the world where I am called to be. I can choose what issues are important to me and speak on them. I can choose who is in my life and who is not. I can choose...me, healthy, beautiful, incredible, magickal ME!

And so, I thanked this last Shadow for all She had done in my life. And She Left.

May you be willing to sit with the Shadows and not see them as monsters but as friends who are there to help you become free of them!

Blessed be and much love!

Life after Death?

So, my older cousins were visiting my parents last week. They are Mormons. An interesting religion indeed and we have had many many conversations around what they believe, how they worship and where they think they go after they die. That was when I was a Christian.

Since leaving the Christian Tradition, they have not seemed to want to ask me questions or have discussions around what I now believe, so I was not in the conversation they had with my Mom about what happens after we die.

On my walk yesterday, I began really thinking about what I Believe Happens after I take my last Breath in this Garden. When I was a Christian, I had problems with the whole: we die and our soul goes to live with Jesus where we wait until Judgement Day. You see even all those years I had a struggle with the whole "Judgement Day" concept. When I left that Tradition, I spoke of Summerland and of Reincarnation, Past Lives, etc. There was still this belief that something is Next for me when I take my last Breath.

On my walk, it hit me how as Human Beings we spend most of our life trying to keep Death at Bay. We try so hard to Stay in this Garden no matter how good or bad our Lives are Here cause the thought of "Death" is just too much to handle I guess. So we make up Stories as to what lies in the Beyond. We speak of beautiful fields to run in, or banquet tables, or singing with angels, or waiting to be put into another body but while waiting we get to walk down golden paved roads and sing and dance! And really if that makes Letting go of the Fear of Dying then that is Wonderful.

Ok, so I asked myself, "Self, where do you stand on this issue of what happens After?"

I stopped, looked around and Knew that I Knew that I Knew that I no longer Think about the Afterlife. I don't Choose how I Live because one Day there will be this Judgement Day and I will have to explain all my Actions to the Divine.

Nope, I don't dwell in the Unknown any  more. And that is Comforting to me. I really don't care what happens after I take my last Breath of the Air in this Garden. What I realized is that thinking and worrying about the Afterlife only uses Energy that we are to Use here in This Life; whether it is the Only or the One of Many. Some External Story of Facing god has so many all tied up that they can't do the Good that we are to do Here and Now.

But you see, telling People that there is this Judgement Day is a part of the Power and Control. You see, it is all about realizing that we are horrible people really, full of sin, and the only way to not have more of the terrible painful life we already have when we die (i.e. hell), is to go by the rules/doctrine/dogma of the religion and be Saved! The Leaders, dead or alive, of the "religion" have the answers, have the direct conversation with the Deity in question so you are either in or out which means always thinking about what happens afterwards and if you will pass the Judgement Test when you get there.

Way too much Energy spent on the Unknown, if you ask me. But that is just me.

There are lots of Promises made about the Hereafter: rejoining Relatives who have gone before us; seeing the beloved Pets that went before us too; and most of all we will not have to come back Here to this Painful, Horrible Place called Earth.

What a Shame really. Maybe if we all paid more attention to what it means "To Do No Harm," Earth wouldn't be such a Terrible Place to live. Maybe if we really took care of the Garden then we wouldn't have so many Dis-eases. Maybe, just maybe, if we Gave Up all Power and Control and looked at our Neighbor with non-judgmental eyes; coveting what they have or hating what they have that we don't have or we don't like; Maybe Just Maybe we would be Happy and Contented and not have to spend money we don't have to gather Stuff all around us which we can't take with us anyway. But most of all Maybe there would be no more Hunger, no more Poverty, no more Abuse and Neglect.

So, that's the answer I would have given to my Cousins and my Parents. What do I believe happens when I die? I really don't Care because I am living the Best I can right now. I am Caring for my Neighbor with what I have and I am Speaking up for those Without a Voice who "religion" has convinced they have to give them all their Money so this Afterlife will be one bang up Party! I just don't spend the Energy Thinking About What is Going to Happen.

You see, I only have so much Energy, and I want to use it Drinking in every bit of the Gifts from the Goddess! I want to use my Energy to hug a co-worker who has been demeaned by a vindictive and hurtful Manager at work. I want to use my Energy, loving my Kids, loving my Family, loving my Facebook Friends, sending Cards, walking in the Forest, Hooping, etc etc etc.

Yep....I got too much to do Here to worry about There!

And I do like Surprises!

Blessed be! 

Creation Story I can get behind!

"The Ancient Ones told humanity that it is our job to care for the animals and all the kingdoms of nature, the Grandmothers say. In the creation myths of the Grandmother's traditions, it is said that in the beginning, wisdom and knowledge were gained from the animals, that the Creator did not speak directly to humanity. He showed himself through the beasts. Through observing all the kingdoms of nature and the stars and the sun and the moon, humanity was to humbly learn how to live on this planet. Everything on Earth was created for a purpose. for every disease there was a cure in the plant kingdom, and every person was born with a mission, the Grandmothers say." (GRANDMOTHERS COUNSEL THE WORLD Women Elders Offer Their Vision For Our Planet; Carol Schaefer, pg 163)

The Creator, or rather Creatress as I prefer, was silent. She did not speak directly to humanity.

How different from the Biblical Creation Story where this Male God is doing a lot of talking. This God speaks and everything comes into being because he speaks it into being. Then he lays down the rules to humanity and ultimately he speaks the words that throw humanity out of the garden and into toil and trouble. But before he throws them out he gives the man "dominion" (power and control) over everything God Spoke into being.

How's that working out? I think it is not!

But in the Ancient Ones creation myths the One who is Creating does not speak to humanity, but expects that humanity will "learn" by watching, observing, participating with the rest of the Garden; particularly the animals. It is a gentle creation story, don't you think?

"The Creation story of Grandmother Agnes's people, which is similar to many other indigenous people's creations stories, states that the Creator created men and women to take care of His Creation, which was why He was giving them a brain and with that brain the power to reason. The Creator gave us our gifts to be a voice for the voiceless, Grandmother Agnes explains. Humans were told to use all the gifts of nature in moderation and to keep all things in balance." (pg 164)

But as we know this did not happen. Man uses his brain for power and control, destruction and war, hate and abuse. And the Earth is crying out for us to be Her Voice! The Animals are begging for us to be their Voice. The Water is drowning in Her own filth and needs the Voice that we were given.

We have forgotten to look for the lessons, to sit and watch animals who teach us how to live in community; how to only take that which is needed to survive on a daily basis. We are now lost. We no longer know and it is hurting us all!

The Shift is here. So many of us have rediscovered how to watch and learn; how to be silent; and most of all how to Speak for the Voiceless!

I prefer this Creation Story if there has to be one. Really, it doesn't make any difference how all this was Created, what makes a difference to me is that I leave where ever I walk better than how I found it. What makes a difference is how often I close my mouth and just watch and listen.

And you know what? The Goddess would create in this way; not the Male god of the Bible. The Goddess would create in Silence; would ask humanity to stop, look, listen and learn. The Goddess would ask us to Care For not Dominate animals, the winged ones, the one-legged, the two legged, the water ones and all else in the Garden. She would not set up a bunch of rules for humanity to go by and She certainly would not throw us out of Her beautiful garden.

So, there is much for us to do to change the narrative of the predominate patriarchal myths. May we all join our hearts and tell a new story! Blessed be. Oh and while you are at it; Grandmothers Counsel The World is a most satisfying and motivating read! Take the time to do so!

Aho and love!

Bathing in the Forest!

Forest bathing
"The Japanese term Shinrin-yoku may literally mean "forest bathing," but it doesn't involve soaking in a tub among the trees. Rather it refers to spending time in the woods for its therapeutic (or bathing) effect. Most of us have felt tension slip away in the midst of trees and nature’s beauty. But science now confirms its healing influence on the body. When you spend a few hours on a woodland hike or camping by a lake you breathe in phytoncides, active substances released by plants to protect them against insects and from rotting, which appear to lower blood pressure and stress and boost your immune system." ~Mother Nature Network

 I was thinking about this teaching as I was taking my walk today. I waited until the rain ended and then took off into the Forest. As I was walking along and chanting: "Mother, Mother, Earth, Earth! I hear your Heartbeat, your Heartbeat, your Heartbeat; it began to sprinkle. Just a bit, but enough for me to know. I walked further into the forest as the leaves got slicker and the puddles were calling to be jumped into; and I stopped! 

I stopped and let myself be bathed in the Forest! 

I breathed in the "phytoncides" and the oxygen being produced by the trees, some still bare from winter and some already trying to burst forth that beautiful Spring Green! And the rain came down and I stood. 

And what I thought was this: isn't it interesting that we want "science" to affirm what we know deep in our Knowing! Before "science" we Knew how Gaia cares for us. We Knew what it did to our very Souls to stand before a sunset and Know Beauty! We knew that in doing so, we were calmer, more focused and having an experience with the Divine. 

And yet even in this statement we hear the words: "But science now confirms its healing influence on the body." Radical idea, huh? 

And so I stood! I stood in the Knowing of Ancient Ones Who did not have to wait until someone else studied it all to say, "Hey we should go on a hike so we can breathe in "phytoncides!" For ones of us blessed to Know; I guess we just grin and say thank you! 

I left the Forest walk and didn't want to go inside, so I continued on my walk around the apartment complex. A woman in a hooded raincoat was walking her dog and said, "You need a hat mam!" I just nodded and said thank you. For you see, she didn't Know that I had been Shrinrin-yoku and wanted to rinse off!

Yep, I was drenched when I got home. Yep, my mom would say I am going to catch a cold. But my answer to her is, "Nope, mom, I received my antibiotic for the day! It's called "Phytoncides" or "Bathing in the Forest". Unfortunately she will not understand either. 

Go outside! You don't have to be actually in the Forest. There are plants and trees everywhere! Just embrace the Knowing, that already in place are the things we need to nourish us, heal us, and strengthen us. Thank you Science for affirming what we already know! 

See you later, the Cardinals are at the Feeders and I must go and listen to their story of how they just got back from Shrinrin-yoku! Maybe my hair will dry quicker that way! 

Blessed be! 

 

Reflections, Misconceptions, Decisions

So yesterday I was Trolling through boxes I had not unpacked for over 10 years. You know "Those Boxes!" Well, these had been stored at my brother's warehouse and I had been looking for some of my Native American books, etc. and so Trolling I went. I found what I had hoped to find and along the way discovered my high school yearbooks. Being that I am 61 and classmates have been coming to my attention (mainly through the obituaries), I thought I should have this in my possession so I could look up pictures to match names.

This morning, I decided to travel down Memory Lane and opened the yearbook. Back in the 60's we actually wrote notes in the books. We got them the last week of school and friends and teachers took time out of each class to leave memories of good and bad times and well wishes for that summer at the beach and for the future. There snuggled in those pages were memories, some I would cherish forever and some written between the lines of how I viewed my self and others.

I arrived at Cave Spring High School in the 8th grade. This school was located in the predominately white upper middle class section of the Roanoke Valley in Virginia and was the place to live at that time (and still is pretty much!). We had lived on the "other side of town" in what really was considered the "wrong side of the tracks" if you know what I mean. So, Dad moved us in the middle of my 7th grade, but took me back to my City School to finish out the year. (Probably a big mistake, but looking back I understand as I was in Junior High living in the City, and Cave Spring 7th grade was still in the Elementary School.) Got that? Ok, so whatever the reason, it was known in the neighborhood that a new family had arrived and knew I was going to school in the City and had come from "over there!"

That stigma stayed with me throughout my entire high school years.

What didn't help was that I had a large overbite (later corrected at age 39), and the guy across the street who was in the "Popular" Group named me Horseface! That is how I entered the 8th grade of a new high school. I knew no one; I already had a reputation of being from the "trashy side of town" and I was nicknamed Horseface!

And so this morning, I made the trip down memory lane, reading the comments, looking at pictures and remembering how I felt so out of place. Or was I really?

If I was so out of place then how come there was not one space left in my yearbook that did not have a message written to me. And I realized there were many from those "popular kids" who I always wanted to be a part of but never was allowed in. And here were messages like: "You are a great person, Debbie and I really like how happy you are all the time. You are funny and have great looking legs! Wish we could have gotten to know each other better. Good luck!" All through were memories that stood out boldly of my upbeat personality, my great basketball skills, my amazing friendliness and hippie spirit. Lots of comments about my hippie spirit!

And I saw pictures of a girl I could say, "wow, how did you ever think you were ugly! You were one beautiful and sassy looking gal! Even in my ugly basketball uniform! It makes me wonder if it was me with the idea that I didn't fit all along and with that energy did I keep people (that being the "popular kids") away from me.

Now, I know how high school works. I watched it with my own kids (who happened to go to this very same school). There is this "popular group" mentality and you don't dare move out of it and try to be friends with someone who is "outside" of that group or "else." So, it was most likely coming both ways.

I had to laugh at myself as I made this journey back to 1968-1970! Oh how we embrace what we hear all around us: "you have to be perfect to be popular." But you know, as I walked through the pages of that yearbook, I suddenly remembered lots of laughs; lots of fun and most of all lots of very good memories. My best friends were great gals and the guys I was friends with treated me with respect and love!

Unfortunately, due to all of this, I made the decision to marry "one of the popular guys" from my school who had graduated 2 years before me. We met in 1971 and I had stars in my eyes that this guy would even speak to me, much less ask me on a date. He said one time, "you know I always wanted to meet you and ask you out in high school, but my friends would have laughed me out of the school. You always were having such a great time, laughing, being friendly and you were so pretty." I fell head over heals for this "popular guy from high school" and boy did I get surprised! What a mess up man he turned out to be. But that is not the story I am telling, is it?

The point is, we make decisions, as we are all wrapped up in misconceptions and self identity that is formed from outside of ourselves. It is a shame really and I am not too sure how to break that cycle. I tried with my son and daughter, but watched as the peer messages were truly more than I could combat.

What is wonderful about 61 is that I can look back and tell that High School Maiden that in fact she was amazing, beautiful, funny, intelligent, and could make great decisions. I can tell her that her future was nothing like every one thought, including her, but that it has really turned out magickally well! And for my kids, well, they too have seen how what happened in high school was just that and have moved on to make good decisions based a lot on what I tried to teach them during those turbulent years.

I am glad I brought my yearbook home. It will be a place I can go back to when I need to just smile a lot, or when I must say good bye again to a classmate as they move on to their next life after this one. It was a huge part of my formation; you see I gravitated to those "other" kids who students wouldn't give the time of day to. I formed friends easily and so I was not lonely. I had lots of dates, and the jocks were my friends even outside of the popular group cause you can break the rules when you are a jock!

High School! Well, we all go through it; and I think even the Popular Kids probably feel left out and lonely at times. How sad for them that because of that "group mentality" they were not able to spend more time with me! Really! They don't know what they were missing! I sure wish I had realized that then, but maybe I wouldn't have been the person I am now! Who knows! I thought I was going to be a Physical Education teacher and coach a college basketball team! So much for those "future" plans!

Reflections, Misconceptions, Decisions!

Blessed be!

(Graduation! I am on the Right with my best friend Andrea in the middle! Not sure who the guy is!)

Blogger Awards

I have been honored by my sister witch Autumn Earthsong with two blog awards! She awarded me both and I was very happy to receive them. You can find her amazing blog at http://autumnearthsong.com/author/autumnearthsong/

The first award is:

For this Award I am to use the entire alphabet to tell you things about myself:

A: I love Gala Apples
B: I have been named the Birthday Witch; Brown Bear is my birth totem
C: I don't Color in the Lines; never did!
D: My son is David
E: I am Energetic, but not as much as I use to be!
F: Flowers
G: Generous is my middle name
H: I am Happy most of the time
I: I Have been to Iceland and would love to live there
J: Jello is my least favorite food!
K: Kitchen is my least favorite place in my apartment!
L: Love, Light, Listening Ear
M: More peace, More Love, More compassion
N: Native American heritage; Cherokee
O: Open
P: Peace
Q: Quality over quanity
R: Rivers
S: My daughter is Stephanie
T: Truth
U: Unity
V: Violets
W: Winter, Wolves, Witches
X: x-uberant!
Y: Yellow Daffodils are my favorite flowers
Z: Zero gray hairs on my 61 year old head! argggg!

Now to the second award:

Now I am to tell you 11 things about myself:

1. Sunshine was my hippie name and is now my Witch name!
2. I am 61 years old and love it!
3. I have a son and a daughter, ages 33 and 30. I adore both of them and have loved being on their Earth Journey.
4. I first identified as a Witch when I was a teen, despite being raised a Christian. I then covered it up and was enmeshed in that Tradition until 8 years ago when I finally embraced who I really I: a pagan witch!
5. I have been a Radical Feminist for as long as I can remember.
6. I really wish I had been at Woodstock but maybe not since I am such a clean, neat freak!
7. I work my magick in every day life through bringing Light, Love and a Listening ear every where I am.
8. I love snail mail; love sending it and receiving it!
9. I am not a Kitchen Witch! I don't like to cook or grocery shop!
10. I love to write in my blog and my BOS!
11. I have dear friends, most of who I have joined journeys with through facebook!

Once again, thank you Autumn! I am honored and hope that my blog posts touch the hearts of many! I know that most of my posts are hard to digest as they deal with some difficult subjects, but they are all from my heart!

blessed be and much love!

Don't Cry For Me!

Don't Cry For Me!
I am Maiden, Mother, Crone!
I am held prisoner in the patriarchal world! 

Don't Cry For Me!
My Braid symbolizing the Bondage I remain in.

Don't Cry For Me!
The Maiden being taught that being thin is the body image I am to embrace.
The Maiden being taught that my body is for the pleasure of men.
The Maiden being taught that the blood that flows from my body is unclean and to be hated.
The Maiden being taught that I am an incubator for children I may or may not want.
The Maiden being taught that I am not beautiful unless I am made up, dolled up and sexy!
The Maiden being taught that I am barred from spiritual leadership, or leadership in many capacities  because I am a woman.
I am the Maiden!
Don't Cry For Me!

Don't Cry For Me!
I am the Mother!
The Mother being taught that I must bear children from my own body in order to have worth.
The Mother being taught that I must bear children....period!
The Mother being taught that I must sacrifice my self for others at all time.
The Mother being taught that my badge of courage is going without so others can have.
The Mother being taught that the blood that flows from my body is still unclean and to be hated.
The Mother being taught that my value is only about taking care of husband and children and I can't do both and work outside the home. What kind of Mother am I?
The Mother being taught that being thin is the body image I must still embrace if I am to "keep" my partner as he or she begins to look for a Maiden.
The Mother being taught that  I am still not welcome into leadership roles just because I am a woman.
I am the Mother!
Don't Cry For Me!

Don't Cry For Me!
I am the Crone!
The Crone still being taught that body image is what it is all about, so dye the hair and put on more make up, get botox, hate the wrinkles, but rejoice that the hated blood flow has stopped.
The Crone being taught that I have nothing to teach.
The Crone being taught that I am too old for leadership.
The Crone being taught that men will leave me for the Maiden as my vagina dries up and my hair turns gray.
The Crone being taught that after being skinny, having and raising children, my worth is no longer needed. Not that I had worth as Maiden or Mother, but less worth now.
I am the Crone!
Don't Cry For Me!

SPEAK FOR ME!

Bring Raven messages to Me.

The Raven's Intelligence is possibly its most winning feature. Raven's can be taught to Speak; this speaking ability leading into the legend of Raven being the Ultimate Oracle. Teach me to Speak, to embrace the Gift of being the Ultimate Oracle.

The Raven is a harbinger of Powerful Secrets; Secrets held by Women from All Time. Moreover, the Raven is a Messenger, so its business is in both keeping and communicating Deep Mysteries.  Encourage me to embrace the Deep Mysteries and teach them to other Women; thereby breaking the lies and betrayal of the patriarchal.

The Raven symbolizes Wisdom and Knowledge-keeping; the holder of Ancestral Memories. The Raven does not carry different colors on its body to entice others to look upon them; no Ravens carry black so that when gazing upon her, its the Soul, Knowledge and Wisdom that flows forth.

Native North American Tribes saw the Raven as the bringer of Light. Hopi, Navajo, Zuni felt the Raven flew out of the Dark Womb of the Cosmos and with it brought the light of sun (dawning of understanding). Thus the Raven is considered a venerated bird of Creation, for without the Raven, human would forever live in Darkness.

Teach me that I am Light, Wise, Beautiful, Creatress,  holder of the Deep Mysteries (which include the mysteries of bleeding), Intelligent, a Leader, Daughter of the Goddess who does not want me to live in Bondage. Teach me to love the Body I was given in all its forms; teach me that I can Choose to do and be what I want to be or do; teach me how to be released from this Bondage!

I am Maiden, Mother, Crone!
Do not Cry for Me!
Teach me!
Speak for me!

Release me from the Prison I have been placed in along with all my Sisters!

And All will be Released!

Blessed be!