The Gift of Time!

I must confess I am a 1st born, Type A, work driven, perfectionist. I like to be busy and to have a purpose. I like to stir the Cauldron to bring attention to issues I am passionate about.

Much has been on my mind of late about this personality I have had since, oh I don't know...BIRTH!

What I have been meditating on is this: Is it possible that my Purpose for journeying this lifetime has been fulfilled? Have I already done the work I came to do? If so, then what does that mean for the rest of my life here on this Journey? Is my "Life" over, as I know it?

I have spent much time with SEKHMET this week as I ponder these questions.

Here is what She told me in no uncertain words!!!!!

1. Yes, I have completed my "purpose" in life. I came to be the Mama Bear ,not only for my own children, but for those children who were abused and neglected and abandoned for the 33 years I did social work. I then was the Mama Bear the 2 years I did International and Domestic Adoptions. Even at seminary, I had adopted daughters and sons, who I mentored through those years in "real life" operating systems.

2.  Well done! I heard SEKHMET say loudly to me.

3. Yes, I have completed my "purpose" in life. I marched for peace and civil rights. I have been a very outspoken Voice for the marginalized, impoverished and forgotten. I have supported causes others would not take a second look at and I stood against the Porn industry when I left the husband of 30 years.

4. Well done! I heard SEKHMET say loudly to me.

Then there was quiet.

So what is my purpose now, SEKHMET? What am I to take on? What cause needs my voice. Am I just being lazy, working only 20 hours a week when I could be working 40 hours a week? Am I crazy for taking my Social Security now, so I can only work 20 hours a week? What am I to do with my time? I feel like a lazy good for nothing woman. No one to care for, no causes I am actively fighting. My mom tells me I should volunteer with all these extra hours I now have. That I should be doing SOMETHING WITH MY TIME!

Here is what I heard:

1.  Your purpose is to now care for YOU! It is YOUR TIME! You have worked more hours than many over your lifetime. You have seen and done things others would cringe at, if they knew all that you did as a social worker. You were the Lionness, the Mama Bear and the Wolf! You howled to make changes in laws. You kept your kids and other kids safe as you possibility could, and you walked the path of Peace all while seeing and experiencing the horrors of abuse, neglect and mental illness outside and inside your home.

2.  Stop feeling guilty that you now have Time for YOU! Stop feeling like you have to fill your time with something others think is worthy. Stop! You deserve now to do what you want to do, when you want to do it, and how you want to do it and with whom you want to do it. That includes doing NOTHING!

3.  You still have a compassionate heart that reaches out to others as you feel called to do so. But now, you have time to sit with me, SEKHMET and learn at my feet! You have time to ponder questions deeper than you have before for no other reason but it is fun and fulfilling; even if you never share it with another human being.

4. You just happened to be called to complete your Big Tasks earlier in your life. Now you are reaping the sweet joy of Living in your own time and space.

And there was Stillness.

Do I know how to do that? Can I really give in to not Planning for the next thing? Can I actually sit and read a book for hours without thinking what I "should" be doing next? Can I actually focus on caring for Me?

It feels right and freeing! It feels like, I have opened up Sacred Space not only for me but for others as well. It feels like the New Beginning that has been bubbling in my Cauldron of late.

Today, I begin to appreciate the Gift of Time; of My Time!

I think I will have a cup of hot cocoa on this 98 degree day and go see how Harry Potter, Ron and Hermione are doing at Hogwarts! And then maybe I will just sit and watch the Hummingbirds stopping by for their evening meal. And then maybe I will watch brainless TV!

Yep....The Gift of Time...Me Time! I earned it the hard way! It is mine!

Blessed be!

Quest 2015 Surprise!!!!

In January, I began Quest 2015 after hearing that word all through the month of December. Yesterday, I completed Book One on this Journey.

Today I began Book 2 with this entry:

"I thought I was on a Healing Quest but now 6 months into it and SEKHMET (Goddess of Anger/Wrath/Peacemaker) came to the surface to show me that was not true. I already was Healed.

I Healed when I threw hundreds of Porn CD's at Bob (now the ex) that night I found, 'Daddy's Little Girl' CD in his briefcase.

I Healed when I disclosed in family therapy his porn addiction and it's impact on me and the children.

I Healed when we sat at the dining room table after his car wreck and told him Steph and I were moving out.

I Healed November 2002, when we moved into our own apartment.

I Healed when I told him I was filing for divorce.

I Healed when the divorce papers came.

I Healed when Pastor Mark and Pastor Gerry told me to stay in the marriage and I left anyway.

I Healed when I went to seminary to find god and found Goddess waiting for me there.

I Healed when I left the Christian Tradition.

I Healed when I put on my Witch Cloak.

I Healed when I told my parents and others.

I Healed when I gave David permission to not 'owe' me anything...not even his attention and love.

The Healing has already been done~~~ a long time ago.

So why do I get triggered by sexual abuse, porn, misogyny, racism, homophobia?

SEKHMET Finally Came To Me!

Here is what She taught me:

THERE IS A DIFFERENCE BETWEEN MY WOUNDING AND MY ANGER AND WRATH!

You see even before the wounding began, I was aware of the injustices in the World. Hell, I was aware early on that Blacks were lower class according to my family, government, church and society. I remember the Colored bathrooms and bus seats. And even as a young girl I was questioning and mad about it. I was angry when as a teen, that I couldn't be an acolyte or carry a cross in the service because I was a girl. And I fit right into the 60's with all this awareness and righteous anger!

SEKHMET has always been in my DNA~~~~ I just didn't know Her name! I just knew I was angry at a bunch of stuff.  

My Parents had it Wrong!
My Family had it Wrong!
My Neighbors had it Wrong!
My Church had it Wrong!
My Government had it Wrong!

ANGER~~~~~~~RAGE~~~~~~PEACEMAKER

I argued with my parents and pastors. I protested the Vietnam War. I marched for Women's Rights, Civil Rights, Environmental rights and Church Change.

AND I BECAME A SOCIAL WORKER to no surprise.

There I could change families, empower women, feed the hungry and stop the abuse. I won the War on many Fronts, but not the Marriage Front (or so I thought). There the Wounding took place.

THE WOUNDED HEALER I became and I was damn good at it!

I wanted to have my own children as that to me was the Promise that the Plan for a better world would happen. And with SEKHMET and Mama Bear by my side I did my best to protect and guide them. But I could not shelter them from their father.

I HAD to stay you see. I HAD no choice. I thought it was the only way to Protect them. And I  became the Wrathful Wife. And then when the Cubs could fend for themselves, I could finally leave.

But since then, I was convinced that my Life was about Healing. But like this remarkable Human Body I reside in, I Heal Quickly! And I did! I just didn't know it. Now I do!

SEKHMET poured forth from my DNA and gave name to my Anger, Rage and Wrath. She Provided the definition and form. She provides the framework for my Journey from this point forward. I totally embrace Anger, Rage and Wrath as my own Reaction to ALL that is Wrong in the World.

THIS VOICE I have always been!

So when I see a report about a Judge not punishing a man who raped a 3 year old because the man "did not set out to do harm to the little girl," I post: I HATE MEN AND THE PATRIARCHAL RAPE CULTURE THEY RIDE IN ON! And yes, I mean ALL MEN!

Do I harbor Anger, Rage and Wrath? Yes! Is it ok? Yes? Does it eat me alive and make me unhealthy? Not one bit!

*I am Angry that my parents did nothing to Chuck (my brother) when they found out he had been raping my baby sister for 8 years.

*I have Rage that they continued to have a relationship with him; going on vacations, football games and holiday celebrations.

*I have Anger that my mother almost grieved herself to death when Chuck cut off all contact with her and my dad.

*I am Angry that for whatever the reason, Dad had to tell me about his affair and that she looked just like me.

*I am Angry that there are still Secrets in my Family.

*I am Angry that the man who fathered my children was so addicted to porn and so narcissistic that he would not give that up, even tho' it was wounding his wife and his children.

*I have Rage that my son suffers from Mental Illness and there are limited resources to help him and others. 

*I am Angry that the Church brainwashes still and controls the government (along with NRA).

*I am Angry about the War on Women, Immigrants, and Homosexuals.

*I am full of Wrath toward the Porn Industry.

*I am full of Wrath toward the Patriarchal Rape Culture that rules the World.

And all the While I set the Goddess Table of Peace each morning as that is the Other Side of SEKHMET and of me!

I have not been Broken and Wounded for a Long Time. Those who meant to hurt me, did not win.

When my Heart was Cut out, I grew another fuller one!

When my Voice Box was removed, I grew a new one with larger Pipes!

When others Rights were being Smashed, I joined in and picked them up with the New Hands I had grown when mine were removed.

And when my Brain was being rewired, I took wire cutters and dissected away the horrific lies and control messages.

Oh no~~~~~ I am NOT Healing~~~~ I Healed right after each cut, each bashing, each body part removal.

I move on this Journey in Wisdom, Self-Love and my own Affirmations of my Worth.

It is a New Day! Me and my Traveling companions:
SEKHMET     ME     HEKATE
Mama Bear     Shewa Wolf    Lioness"

Blessed be!  

SEKHMET joins my pantheon; not like she wasn't always there!

I am happy that at 62 years of age, I still stand in awe of how I can be surprised and amazed at how life unfolds. Here is my SEKHMET story.

So, two weeks ago, I was having my massage and during a most relaxing healing hands session, I traveled to my Clearing and there met up with Hekate. There were questions I needed answers to, but instead she gave me Lioness as a new (yea, right!) traveling spirit animal. She joins my long time spirit animals: Wolf and Brown Bear.

That was the answer to why I keep hearing: "He will Drown!"? What??? Come on Hekate, I need answers not another animal companion. But I did not say any of that to Hekate and really I like Lions so I was pleased, just sent away without answers. Or so I thought.

Gotta hate a Goddess who won't let you know what is going on!!!!

When I came home, I began to research the Energy brought by Lioness. She is a message of balance as she moves in both the day and night; prudence, keep an even mind, do not overdo, strength, courage, royality, dignity, power, authority, justice, wisdom and ferocity.

Balance had been a theme the entire week before, at both home and at work.

This gift was given on a Monday, Tuesday I called off work. Yes, I had been very out of balance, yes I had allowed others to set my agenda and suck all the life out of me, yes I had given my power to others and forgot that I was born with the heart of dignity, justice, wisdom and ferocity.

I sure was happy to have Lioness now in my life as one of my three traveling spirit companions.

Well, this was not the end of the story. Hekate had sent her also to open my mind to realize another Goddess had been with me since I can remember but I did not know Her. She knew I needed to embrace this Goddess in my Psyche Archetype Committee and it was now!

You see, it was time for me to complete the Banishment Poppet Ritual regarding the ex. This man is a sexual pervert, mysognist, narcissistic, evil man who wounded me and my two children deeply. I needed to embrace my Rage and Anger as the Shadow part of me that had been stolen by the Patriarchal Culture all my life. OH yes, I would get mad and be full of rage over a lot of things, but it was not totally under control and not well thought out AND I would then feel guilty as hell for months on end.

You see, I was the good girl. I was the well behaved first born. I was Susie Christian. I was the best employee, friend, sister, daughter....you name it I was Susie Sunshine who helped others, watched out for others and always forgave anyone who wronged me. But deep inside Pele was spewing lava all over the place and every now and then it would spew out. Everyone would be shocked and remind me that was not "me" and then the guilt would set in. In fact, after arguments with the ex, it was me who would go out and buy him something or go overboard to make it all right because by arguing and yelling I was not being the peacemaker and sweet wife I was to be.

OK, back to SEKHMET.... wow, I can get off point!

So, one evening I went looking for a piece of paper to write on and pulled out a notebook from my shelf. I didn't remember, but 5 years ago I had been reading the book Godddesses in Older Women and taking notes in this notebook.

I opened it and yep you got it: There in highlighted words was this:

GODDESS OF TRANSFORMATIVE WRATH
HER NAME IS OUTRAGE
HER NAME IS SEKHMET

Next highlighted on the page:
GODDESS OF WRATH AND PEACE!

He name means Powerful. She is Protectress with strength and ability to spring upon evildoers and transgressors.

She does not initiate or provoke conflict, but when divine order is threatened, she responds with the direct savagery of a protective lioness.

She is a healer and is associated with both life and death (I was a Douala and present at deaths)  and her presence is invoked in situation of life and death (social worker).

She is the embodiment of Earth (I am Virgo and must be outside).

SEKHMET is Triple Goddess: Creator, Sustainer of life (healer), Destroyer

Then this was quoted from the book: "Women often come to know Destroyer as they age; as they live long enough to see the damage from neglect/abuse on next generations and realize a lot of suffering could have been prevented."

As I spent time with SEKHMET she had me travel back in time with her and see where in fact along with Hekate, she was a driving force in my passion for the marginalized, for the abused and neglected, for how others are treated. She showed me that I fought hard for those and for my own children. Even by staying in the marriage for 30 years I was fighting to right a wrong, but it was not my fight... I was trying to be a Peacemaker in a forest were I could never win the fight.

What she also revealed to me was that I was out of balance even then. I had too much Guilt from the patriarchal family, church and society I was raised in and it undid all the change I was trying to make in the forest I was living in.

I love being 62 and having the opportunity to understand how life unfolded so far. I am glad SEKHMET was there with me, because at least in my career as a social worker I did help many make positive changes and I was a part of changes much needed in the community, in families, and even a tad bit in the church.

But the only way to make a major change in my life was to take my cubs (then adults) and walk out of that destructive marriage forest. It was time for us to find somewhere else to live.

So that is the story so far. What to glean from this is to Listen and Watch and never take anything for granted. Goddess is always ready to open that door, we have chosen to close, at just the right time.

Welcome Lionness! Welcome SEKHMET!

Now time to get to work!

Blessed be and love!

Male wounding; it's a fact!

At 62 years of age, I have the gift to look back over my life and put the puzzle together. Lately, with the help of my sisters, many pieces are falling into place and they are not good, but they are interesting.

At this point, I can only come up with a handful or less of men in my life who have not wounded me in some way. And this wounding began even before I was born. You see, the "sins of the father" impact us in ways we don't realize. You see ALL the significant men in  my life have mistreated me and left scars!

My patriarchal line is full of mysognist, racist, bigoted, pedophiles. Of course, who knew? As usual, it was a best kept secret. I should not have been surprised that I married a mysognist, narcissistic  sexual abuser addicted to porn.

My paternal grandfather's Bible is covered with comments he wrote about his feeling regarding women. It is not a pretty picture. Of late, I found out that he had a tent in the back yard and "entertained" the little girls and boys in the neighborhood there. My Dad at age 23 had to go tell him this was not a good idea and get rid of the tent. He did, but don't think this ended the pedophilia. We also found out lately that he sexually abused his step-daughter repeatedly. We also know that my uncles were sexually abuse and I suspect so was my father, but he won't talk about it.

My brother, sexually abused my two sisters, one he raped for many years. This was not "discovered" until he was away in the Navy and married and no one did anything to him. He still walks this earth living a good life.

A few months after I got married at age 20, my Dad came down with mono and called me to his bedside to tell me he had an affair and that the woman looked just like me. He went on to tell me in detail about the sex they had until mom found out. But he kept telling me how she was so much like me. (i.e. I wish it had been you). Most of my memories of my Dad from childhood were ones of total fear and trepidation. he wielded a harsh tone and hand along with belts. He gave me negative messages about being a woman and sex in general. When I started my period and mom told him he gave me the  V encyclopedia with Veneral Disease marked for me to read.

Then I married the epitome of a sexual pervert. The story I have told her many times so I will not go into detail, but leave it to be said, he wounded not only me but eventually both of our children due to his perversions. I finally left him  after 30 years and carry wounds and scars that will stay with me they are so deep and profound.

My son, suffers from Borderline Personality Disorder inherited from his father and as a result of the porn he grew up with. He blames me for giving birth to him, for staying with his father, for not protecting him, well....for everything. He comes and goes with contacting me and right now, he is not. 

I was a Christian until age 53. During that time, I was totally wounded by the Patriarchal Rape culture of the church. I listened to sermon after sermon about a women's place, I was not allowed to participate in priestly activities due to my gender, and I belonged to the Lutheran church which was one of the more progressive denominations. Even when I finally told my pastor about the sexual abuse in my marriage, I was encouraged to stay as I had made vows to this punishing male God and it was my responsibility to stay. One of the reasons I had stayed for 30 years was because of this bullshit brainwashing.

In high school it was the guys who gave me the name "horseface" and discredited me every chance they got. It didn't help that I was an outspoken feminist early on in my teens as far as they were concerned. In seminary, this treatment continued with accusations that I should not be there and finally that I was a witch and was a detriment to the organized church. And I went to seminary after retirement to work through all the crap of the church and my guilt. What happened was Goddess finally led me to my true calling.

My pedophile brother never touched me, as I was 3 years older than him, but he wrote me a very damning letter when I left my ex and has not spoken to me since (yea for that indeed).

I have a male cousin I am very close to. But even he disappoints me more often than not. He promises to call or come visit or take me somewhere and then I don't hear from him for months. It is just as well, he carries that male energy of "who's in charge" and I often wonder why I still hang out with him when he finds the time for me? Maybe he is the last male that I actually had some hope in. That is about gone for sure. 

Yes, there have been a few, really a very very few, men along the way who have been kind, but they did not stay in my life for very long at all.

I am not unique in my journey that is for sure. Many many women have similar or worse stories to tell. What I know to be truth is this Dominator culture we live in wounds on purpose. This Patriarchal Culture wounds Mama Earth, Animals, Women, Children and themselves. And they often do it under the brainwashing of "they know best". That was what my ex told me when I met him at a mere 19 years of age.

You see.... it is ingrained in our culture and I am no longer sure there is a remedy except for total annihilation of the human species. We are the only species that intentionally hurts another for their own gain and power and control.

So, here I am at 62 and I now totally refuse to live with this woundedness any longer.  My Dad is 82 and I will help him and my mom when they need me to. I have left the church , thank my dear Goddess and walk a most wonderful path now. I have solid relationship with my daughter and many women. I only tolerate the men I have to be in contact with every day.

Male wounding is deep and profound, but there are more Thrivers than we even know. For us who are more vocal, we must carry the stories to others so they do not feel alone and to the younger women so they don't fall into the same traps.

Life is good and scars are the visual signs that I have survived the Battle.

Blessed be and much love to all Sisters who have Male wounds they are still caring for. May we all gather our hears and souls together as we heal ourselves and consequently the whole Earth!

 

Full Moon Lessons at 4am!

She woke me up at 4am on this Saturday in April.
She called my name and I could not go back to sleep.
So I got up, fixed a cup of tea and went out on the balcony of my brother's house I have been at all week. Taz and Roxy sat with me.

We soaked up Her energy and then I had one of those epiphanies that can only come when the night is embracing you. It is one of those epiphanies that can only come when Grandmother Moon is in her Fullness.

This is the Epiphany.

The Moon is the only Creation that does not have the ability to HURT anything.

The Sun will burn our skin and we develop skin cancer.
The Water will drown us.
The Wind will blow down houses and cause creation to die.
The Lightning will cause forest fires and creation dies.

But the Moon....She will never ever hurt any of creation.
The Moon....She is predictable....She comes every night and moves across the sky in her Waning and Waxing Times. She is pure and simple.....She is powerful and magnificent. She moves the oceans and She moves the menstrual cycles of Women. 

She is Female.

And She hurts nothing!

And I began to Sob!
I am tired of being hurt. I am tired of seeing others hurt. I am tired.
And there She was. Just for ME!

People are the smartest animals on this planet and yet they are the Cruelest.
They intentionally and unintentionally hurt the ones they love, they hurt the earth, animals  and the ones they see as different from them.

They are violent and cruel and they embrace all of this within patriarchal religions that reinforce their power and control; reinforce their right to discriminate, to hate and to destroy and rape.

But the Moon!

No wonder Witches do everything we can to Draw Down Her Energy! No wonder we Spend time dancing under Her; talking about Her, Drumming to Her and Loving and Learning from Her.

I was sobbing and the dogs were paying me no mind as they too were looking into Her Glory.

I am Moon Woman! She is my Family! She is my Rock and my Security!

I am 62 and don't expect to see Humanity to change in this Lifetime. I tried. Goddess knows I tried and now I will gather Moon Energy and embrace it into my Own being and send it out into the Universe; kinda like ET did the airwaves. Hoping beyond hope that I might just contact someone else who will turn and look at this Glorious Message of Love and Light!

She Does Not have the Ability to Hurt!
So Mote it Be for us all!

Blessed be!

The Stolen Story of Persephone!

It is Time for Persephone to enter the Story as the Wheel Turns! In the Northern Hemisphere we are anxiously awaiting her return from the Underworld. It will be a time of rejoicing as She brings new life into a time of cold and rest. Flowers will bloom, trees will become green again and seeds will begin sprouting! Lots of rejoicing.

In the Southern Hemisphere, it is the time when Persephone begins her descent into the Underworld due to being kidnapped and raped by Hades! King of the Death Cave! Master and Big Man on Campus! In such need of a wife he was, he came out of the Cave and took what was not his: Persephone.

Of course, this sent Mama Demeter into a rage as she did not know where Persephone had gone and with her rage and grief and loss cold and darkness came to the planet. Winter became harsh as Demeter drew more and more into Herself and Persephone was not around to bring Light and Growth to the Planet.

Ahhhh....the story of that we all grew up with; were taught in Latin class; and understood as was the lot of women. We were always at the risk of being kidnapped, raped and married off to whatever man decided he wanted us! And it was ok, cause you see, everyone once in a while, this cruel and powerful man would let us go out to play.

STOP!!!!

This was not the original story. This was the story that was hijacked and changed when the patriarchal religions came into being and their main agenda was to take that which was not theirs: the Goddess, women, children and all forms of property. They changed the stories to fulfill their agenda.

In the most ancient layer of myth, Persephone's name means "She Who Destroys The Light." She was the powerful Goddess of the Underworld long before anyone knew of Hades. Like the Indian Kali, the Irish Morrigan, and the Sumerian Ereshkegal, she was the Goddess of Death.

Another ancient layer of the myth tells of Persephone hearing the despairing cries of the dead and choosing freely to go into the Underworld to comfort them. Hades does not appear at all, in this version. Here Persephone's descent to hell illustrates inclusiveness for every being, whether in the Underworld or in our present one, and shows that mercy is integral to her nature.

In some older versions of Persephone's story, she was a young woman, not a young girl, and instead of accidentally wandering away, she had gone deliberately adventuring, when she fell, or was lured, or was kidnapped into Hell. Here Persephone's adventurous spirit leads her into difficulty, instead of her being a passive victim of the wickedness of others. Her relationship with her mother gives her the courage to explore her world, and when events take a bad turn, their relationship gives her the strength to survive.

Do you see what happened? Persephone was NOT kidnapped. She took it upon herself, for a variety of reasons to go into the Underworld. She was powerful, compassionate, strong! She could not fit into the Male Take over! Women could be none of that. They were at the beck and call of the Male who was GOD!

So what can we do about this? We can stop telling the story that includes Hades. That is a male religion retelling to brainwash women into thinking they are always subservient to the Male God, they are always at his mercy, and they are always available to be raped and sold off for marriage. That is their place in the patriarchal religions and culture.

WE must tell the story that shows how Persephone Chose to go to the Underworld! Persephone went alone to care for those there. Persephone, with the strength gifted to her by other women, chose to spend half her time with those of the Dead and those of the Living. That is what a Goddess does, cause you can't have one without the other.

There was and is no HADES! He is a figment of the imagination of religions who had a cruel, evil and punishing God!

But not anymore!

Nope!

Now Demeter is another story for another time, but let it be said, that I am sure she was sad and lonely for her daughter and as such winter comes upon us as she is grieving the loss of her daughter. But for me....it was Persephone, flying out of the nest and making her own choices of where she was to be Goddess!

Just like you and me!

Blessed be!

I am Grandmother Moon!

I have had a connection with Grandmother Moon since I was a small child. I loved looking at her and wondering what it would be like to stand on her and look down at the earth. It felt powerful and amazing and was the reason I considered being an astronaut when I was a teen. But of course, that was not a field that women were invited into in the 60's!

As I got older, I related the Moon to my menstrual cycles. Not enlightened enough to really connect on a deep Goddess level, but I still had that connection.

As I fully embraced the Pagan Witch path, I began to understand Pulling Down Her Energy, charging Crystals and Dancing in Her Fullness, and Resting in Her Darkness.

This week, I finally understood how my life imitates the Cycles of the Moon. I have moved from Full to Dark to Full again in a months time.

As most of my witch sisters can attest, this MoonShine has been mostly covered in clouds the past few weeks. It has been a hard few months, but this past month brought everything into full stress and anxiety mode and I went into a funk.

The month began with the knowledge that I would indeed have my book published thanks to Ibby Greer and CreateSpace! This is the woman I have been asking Goddess to bring into my life as I knew nothing of self-publishing! I was on such a high! I was beaming with the Full Moon Light!

As the weeks went on, I had an aunt and a 41 year old cousin transition within a week of each other. Both funerals had many examples of the lack of compassion on the part of those conducting the funerals and I was upset. I let it embrace me and drag me down into the depths of sorrow not for me, but for those who were left behind.

I also found out I have to have more intensive gum surgery before I can continue with the implants. I see my hard earned money growing wings and flying out of my bank account by the thousands. I don't want more pain and I would love to have my money back. But health issues are just that and have to be taken care of.

I found myself moving more into the Dark Phase of the Moon.

Finally last week...I felt all the Light drain out of this One who goes by Sunshine! And my facebook posts reflected this Dark Time. I began getting messages from sisters making sure I was ok, and a few said they didn't like when I was like this as I was the one they could count on to have the bright outlook on life!

This has been a blessing and a burden for as long as I can remember. I am the Light bearer, I look for all the silver linings and I reflect them to others. But what comes with that, is feeling guilty when I wane to Dark Moon. I do NOT like being Debbie Downer! Debbie Sunshine is my name and my mission and my gift!

But this month, I realized, I made the journey from Full, to Waning, to Dark, to Waxing and now to Full again. And it is OK. It is more than OK. It is human! And I believe it is also Divine.

As pagans we look to the world for our Teachings. This was my Teaching this month. Grandmother reminded me that I must be more aware of how much a like we are. It does not mean I have to have a pity party each month. What it means to me, is that when I feel the Dark Moon arising, I need to rest in that, soak in the Dark and make friends with all that comes to me at that time,; be it anger, tears or just plain sadness. JUST BE!

In two days, Grandmother will be Full and I am feeling the Light coming back into my very being.

Do I still have to have dental surgery, yep!
Does it still mean I have to pay for it, unfortunately yes!
Does it mean that those who were at the funeral need to heal themselves and find a way to walk through grief and loss themselves, yes!
Does it mean I can do anything to help? yes! I can send cards and send the Light to them for I know the funeral is over and all that stuff doesn't matter any longer! I can leave all that with Dark Moon Time!

So thank you to everyone who sent their love and compassion to me and my family during this Moon Transition!

It has been quite a journey! But once again, I just gotta Love how Goddess Teaches! I just wish the Lessons weren't so painful!

Blessed be!