A Fascination with the James Holmes

Like many I have a hard time not being glued to the TV when it comes to the recent tragedy in Colorado. Once again, we are thrown into disbelief as someone uses violence for reasons we may never understand. Once again, we are confronted with the frailty of life as innocent people are killed for reasons we may never understand; although I think we would all agree that there are never reasons for killing innocent people; or in my belief, never killing people at all. Once again, we are faced with the reality that life can be cut short in the blink of an eye and we are no longer walking in the Garden.

Yep, like so many I have a hard time not being glued to the TV to hear the speculations, to listen to the survivors and to watch as people grieve their way through another senseless tragedy.

But I am fascinated with James Holmes the "suspect" in this horrific killing spree.

Who is this young man? What was it like to be him? What is going through his mind right this moment as he is held in solitary confinement awaiting the charges that could bring him the death penalty? Who is this young man? A son, a student, an employee, and a Child of the Goddess.

I was a Social Worker for 33 years and during that time I worked with many sociopaths, psychopaths, schizophrenics, pedophiles, child abusers and killers, rapists, drug addicts and drug dealers...oh I could go on and on. I have seen things and known things that would make James Holmes look tame. And sometimes I think I stayed in that field for so long as I never stopped being amazed at what one human being was capable of doing to another human being.

I have watched the video of James Holmes in court over and over. I looked into his eyes and saw what others seem to be missing; I saw a lost little boy. A very very very sick, lost little boy. And I found myself asking him the question over and over: "what happened?" And I mean by that: what happened in your mind and heart to cause you to prepare for and carry out this mass murder of people you didn't even know and then to alert the police to your booby trapped apartment? What happened?

I know from all my years of working with the marginalized, the disenfranchised, the mentally ill, the illiterate, the violent, those without a conscience, and those with out a Voice that there is an answer to the question "What happened?" And I do believe that James Holmes is telling us in his very silent voice. But is anyone listening? He is speaking for all those who have lost the ability to be in community.

We so want a clear cut answer such as "I was bullied and finally couldn't take it any longer and flipped." or "My parents abused me and I am so angry I couldn't keep it in any longer." or even "I took too many drugs and didn't know what I was doing." What we don't want to hear is :"I have a very sick mind and no one even noticed or cared to notice or made available to me resources to stop the demons in my very sick mind."

I just watched a spot on TV where people were upset that the defense attorney is going to try to "use the insanity plea." No shit sherlock! People who do these things ARE mentally ill! They have very sick brains. And yet if he was Diabetic we would know what to do; or even if he had Cancer we know how to begin treatment, BUT mental illness is that stigmatized disease that still has us wanting to lock "those people" up in the attic and throw away the key. They make us uncomfortable. And why?

Because we could be them!

Mental illness is funny like that! Anyone of us at any given time can find ourselves one step over the line between what society determines is "sane" behavior and what is "insane" behavior. James Holmes is us and we are James Holmes.

Oh and there are those I have said this to who have vehemently said, "Not me!!!! I would never ever do something like that. Never!" Ah, but how do you know? What would it take for you to find yourself in that solitary cell wondering "What happened?"

We all kill another every day. James Holmes just did it in the most horrific way. But we kill each other with our words, thoughts and actions. We kill each other as we refuse to help the homeless or to report the suspected child abuser. Coach Sandusky Killed more souls of children during his reign as pedophile than James Holmes killed last Friday. For many of those children, now adults, they are the Walking Dead. We kill each other when we threaten to cast evil spells on someone; or when we rape with our words and our hands.

And so I am fascinated with this story because I am not sure that given different circumstances in my life, I too would step over that very thin line between "sane" and "insane". And so, I see James Holmes in a very different way than most. I see him as a Child of Goddess who is so lost in the Darkness that he knew only one way out. Be horrific!

I don't understand it and I will bet you that this is one that the forensic psychologists will be trying to figure out for a very long long time. And this young man may not be able to help them answer the question: "What happened?"

And it leaves me very sad. For this young man, for the victims, for the family and friends and for those who were in the theater that night. And I am very sad for a world that sees violence as the answer to what is ailing us. This is not the world that Goddess created. It is a world that worships power and control instead of Love and Light.

Yep, I am a bleeding heart! Yep, I see the potential for good in every living thing because I believe that we are made that way. And so when this happened I wrapped James Holmes in Love and Light and sent him to the Goddess. For it is only Her who knows the answer to the question: "What happened?"

May everyone who was involved in this horrific episode find peace and be restored to joy. And may the man who felt the need to lash out in this way also find peace and may he be held responsible for his actions as may we each be held responsible for our own. 

Blessed be!