Tuesday, December 15, 2015

Listening to Our Own Divine Female Voice! Surprises await!

I have a story I want to share. This is a story about Listening to Goddess! Listening to our Inner Voice! Listening and then following even if it doesn't make a bit of sense and if you think it is for one reason when in reality it is for Goddess-reason! This is not a story about me or what I did. It is about what happens when we Listen and follow!

I work for a very unpleasant woman. She is a controlling, micro-manager who seems to have a mean streak in her. Well, last Monday, I took the brunt of the "mean streak" and I was pissed as hell when I got off work. I knew that her mother was in hospice in many states away, but she was her usual demeaning self and so I couldn't even use that as an excuse. Yep, quitting work crossed my mind once again.

Well, during the night I woke to go to the bathroom and this woman was on my mind. Great, I thought, I can't even sleep without her showing up! 

As I opened my eyes with the morning light, who was on my mind, but this woman. But now I had a calm about me and I kept hearing.... take her flowers today! Oh sure I argued with myself! She doesn't like when people do nice things for her and why should I do that...she is not nice to me. Well, I must say, I could not keep this thought out of my mind. 

On the way to work, I stopped by the grocery store, and found myself buying a bouquet of flowers and before I left home, I copied the previous blog post about Letting Go to give to her. 

Let me confess, I told my sister on the ride into work that I was going to "try and kill her with kindness". I was not going to let her steal my joy or make me quit my job. I knew her mom was terminal and she was having a hard time. I would show her what kindness looked like. So there! Gotta love when your inner two year old shows up!

I walked into her office with the flowers and the blog post. She was surprised, smiled at me and gave me a hug. Yep.... a hug! Later she sent me an email thanking me for the flowers and said the Letting Go writing touched her deeply and she needed it so much right now. 

Fast forward to yesterday. Her boss came to my office to make sure I was going to be working next week as "she" was going to be out of town on Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday. I said, "Is she going to see her mom for Christmas." "No," he said, "her mom died last Monday. They are having the funeral next week." 

Last Monday..... the day of her being mean to me and a whole bunch of other people. She nor her boss told anyone her mom had died. In fact yesterday was the first anyone of us had heard of this.

Do you see where this is going? 

Today, I stopped in her office and this is what I said, "I am sorry I didn't know your mom died." She said, "You didn't? Then why the flowers or the note last Tuesday? I thought maybe your brother (who owns the company) told you." So I told her how I couldn't get her off my mind and my inner heart voice told me to get her flowers. (I didn't tell her what I thought the reason was, you know... killing her with kindness!)

She began to tear up as I told her that none of us knew her mom had died, and that we didn't want her to think that we didn't care since no one had said anything to her. We spent some time talking about grief and loss, etc. I left her office and really thought long and hard about this situation.

At age 63, I can promise you that I have had a lot of Divine Appointments just by listening to Goddess speaking through my own Inner Female Voice. I can envision Her laughing at me, as I reluctantly went to the store and had my own warped agenda for getting flowers for a woman who had been so mean to me just the day before. Goddess then Unveils Her Plan and it reminds me that I really am Her Vessel. She flowed right through me last Tuesday and today. 

Now, do I think all this will change this woman. Probably not! But we both had lessons to learn. I was reminded that Love and Kindness is always the Plan of Goddess. And She will even take my worst excuse for being nice and turn it into a magickal moment! 

Listening and Responding is the Greatest Gift we can give ourselves, others and most certainly Goddess! 

Be mindful! Be aware! Be Blessed! 

Wednesday, November 18, 2015

In Letting Go, Love Flows Most Freely

Life is full of Letting Go's!

When I was pregnant with my children, I grieved and rejoiced in the Letting Go, as they left the safety of my womb. The Cord was cut and I had to Let Go of it being only Us.

The first day of Day Care, I had to Let Go, as someone else was going to be raising my child during the day while I was at work. 

And then it was the First Day of Preschool, Kindergarten, Middle School, High School and College. There was the first day they took the car out by themselves; the first dance, date and first Scout badge, first swim meet and first week away camp. 

Life is full of Letting Go's! 

It is how we do the Letting Go's that is important. You see, all the Letting Go's are both Dying and Living times. We grieve the Letting Go of what is, for what will be. We grieve the little boy becoming a young man and then an adult. We grieve the little girl becoming a young woman and then an adult. We grieve as they pack up their things and move into their first apartment. 

But if we rejoice in all of this Letting Go, we send our children off with the greatest blessings on earth. We tell them that we honor that the Journey is their own and not ours. We are just invited along for the ride, or not! 

Life is full of Letting Go's! 

I think tho' what is the hardest is when it comes to Letting Go of someone as they make their Transition from this world to the next. This Letting Go carries burdens that we cannot be prepared for. How we do this Letting Go is a blessing to both our loved one and to ourselves. 

Many of us even hold on to Life as if in doing that we will live forever.

We don't do Letting Go well in this culture. We are taught to hang on to everything; our money, our possessions, our traditions, our family and our beliefs. We hang on to all of these because they are familiar. 

So, as I watch the Leaves Fall from the Trees, I wonder what we are to learn? The Tree births beautiful flowers and leaves in the Spring, uses them for nesting birds and for shade and most definitely to provide us oxygen! And yet, most trees then enter the Season of Letting Go. The Tree pulls back the nourishment to the leaves so their brilliance can come forth and then they must fall to the ground. To become one with the ground, give back to the ground, decay and provide nourishment to the tree for the next season's birthing. It's a Cycle you see. 

And so is our Letting Go! I have learned of late that it is In the Letting Go, that Love Flows Most Freely. When I no longer "hold on" I am free to Love deeply and unconditionally. I give because I want to, not because I think it is what I should do or must do. I say good bye with a genuine longing in my heart for the next hello. In the Letting Go, my Love for another flows most freely.

Letting Go is hard, frustrating, full of grief and loss. It is why we hold on so tightly. For you see, when we actually Let Go, we are giving up our need for Power and Control. In Letting Go, Love Flows Most Freely. 

I Let Go of a lot this Year with much struggle and trepidation. What would my life look like when I finally Let Go of all that needed to be Let Go of. I discovered that it looks like 

                                              Love Flowing Freely. 

Blessed be! 


Tuesday, November 17, 2015

A Journey to the Cave with Hecate

During a massage in February, I have this Vision. Walking with Hecate right now through an online Journey, I re-membered meeting with Her in the Clearing and what She taught me at that time.


I arrived in The Clearing, the field full of Spring Flowers. I stood and soaked up the clear blue skies and scents of Spring. To my right, just outside the Tree Line, sat Hecate in Her Triple Goddess Forms. Maiden, Mother, Crone, around the Fire Pit, sewing together pieces of a QUILT.

Crone spoke: 'Come sit, my daughter.'

I sat and waited an Eternity.

Crone spoke: 'You did not finish the QUILT of your marriage. You have patches left undone. You have unfinished business.'

Crone spoke: 'We are the VOICE of all WOMEN and as such certain pieces of your QUILT must be A Dark Completion. GO TO THE CAVE!' She said as She went back to Her sewing with arthritic hands.


The Cave is where I have joined the Sisters of the Goddess Table in many visions. There is a Red Crystal Table at the entrance. But today, no food was set and no Sisters present.

Shortly the Fae came up from the depths of the Cave and escorted me into Gaia's Womb. There, where many Healing Visions have taken place, the Fae took off my clothing and bathed me. Then I was robed and jewels placed on my head.

GIRLS AND WOMEN of all ages, all races, all religions, all economic status; all Girls and Women began pouring out from the Dark Crevices and up from the holes in the ground of Gaia's Womb. Some clothed but most covered in Veils of SHAME, and many naked with SCARS and WOUNDS blazing brightly. I stood in the middle of Gaia's WOMB as these Girls and Women surrounded me. This Chant began:



My tears flowed, as I have been a VOICE for so long and I am weary of the JOURNEY.
I know their plight.

And I knew why Crone sent me here. My VOICE will never be done. Never! I am not finished with the pieces of the QUILT that will banish one man from continuing to hurt women. I am THESE WOMEN and THESE WOMEN are ME! And we are THE DIVINE FEMALE!

I asked the Fae to bring Food and Drink, and we sat and ate together as we shared OUR stories. We sat and ate together as we weaved the Healing Quilt of Sisterhood. We continued writing HerStory!

The Time came for me to go. I hugged them all, and was escorted from the Womb of Gaia. Some of the Girls and Women came with me, but many were not ready to leave behind their Veils of Shame, Abuse, Hurt, Betrayal. They will remain nestled in Gaia's Womb while the rest of us Speak Boldly our Stories. As each of us do, another Woman is empowered to be Birthed into the World of Healing and Wholeness.

I, and many others, will be waiting for their Birth at the entrance of the Cave; just like Demeter waited for Her daughter Persephone to arrive. It is our words, our VOICES that will bring on the Labor Pains and the Ultimate Full Birthing of the Goddess into the World!

Blessed be!

(My soul collage card)

Saturday, October 17, 2015


I don't think I have ever done a book review here on my blog, but after reading Eve by Wm. Paul Young I just knew I had to find a way to get out my frustration! So this will be a book review like none other, I am sure!

So, this Young guy is the "bestselling author of The Shack." Yes, I read the Shack when I was a Christian and jumped for joy that God was a huge black woman! I had many upset parishioners claiming blasphemy at such a thought, and I would gently remind them that it was a piece of fiction and not a theological writing; all the while giggling inside myself.

So, I thought Eve just had to be about Eve being God or in control of the entire creation thing, etc. Oh was I surprised.

Now it took a bit to get to it. This book has a "sci-fi" lend to it, but there it came.... slapped me right in the face. Now Young calls this Male God, Adonani. (which is in fact one of God's names) So, Lily, who has come a a Witness to Creation, watches as Adonani bears down in labor and pushes Adam out of HIS (yep, that pronoun is used for Adonani) God womb. And then, Adonani lifts Adam to HIS breasts and feeds HIS most glorious creation. Ok, I almost stopped reading at that point. (As a Christian teenager I was almost thrown out of Sunday School class when I objected to a Male God giving birth to anything!)

But alas, I kept reading.

Well, Adam gets bored of naming all the animals and demands that Adonani give him someone like himself. So, Adam becomes PREGNANT with Eve, and Adonani has to perform a C-Section (my words here, in the book it says Adonani cut Eve out of Adam). And then holy fucking shit.... Adam nurses Eve at his breasts, and then raises her to adulthood which in Eden time takes like one chapter!

Now, I did get a bit interested here when we find out that the serpent and Adam are in cahoots with each other to set Eve up to eat the Fig (not an apple if you want to be biblical). Then when Adonani finds them with the leaves on their private parts Adam and the serpent blame Eve for making them eat the fig and laugh when Adonani seems to believe them. Well, it is Adam who is blamed for the Fall and He is escorted out of the Garden along with the serpent who is now a lowly snake and Eve gets to stay in Eden.

Ok, I thought ..... I like this! BUT here is how the story goes; every day Adam comes to the walls of Eden that he can't see through and begs Eve to come with him. He is so lonely, and life is so hard. Well, Eve can see him and goes to Adonani and tells Him that she wants to go be with Adam. She loves him so much even tho', he set her up, lied, betrayed her, etc etc etc. And she needs to go and be with him. She promised to bear his sons, she misses him so much! And so, she goes and does just that.

Glad it was near the end of the book. I thought I was going to vomit. Supposedly, the point of this story is that God loves HIS children no matter what they do, but they have to suffer for not obeying him. Oh and by the way.... Lilith gets a small part when Lily is told that is who she really is, but omg..... thank goodness that was not true cause Lilith was bad Karma in the "MYTHOLOGICAL story".

Would I recommend this book. HELL NO!!!!

It continues the story that a Male God fucking got pregnant, had a vagina and birthed things into the world and then developed breasts so to feed everything. It continues the story that women are to follow and stay with "their" man who gives birth to who they are no matter what.

It reminds me of one of the first things the EX said to me when we moved in together. He said, "I am here to help you reach your potential. To become everything you can become." What he meant was HIS POTENTIAL AND EVERYTHING HE WANTED ME TO BECOME. He defined me, just like Adam defined Eve.

Oh Young tried at times to make Eve out to have so much power but in the end she did not. She too turned from this God but she did so in order to turn to her domineering husband.

Here is what part of the back cover says about this book: "Eve opens a refreshing conversation about the equality of men and women within the context of our beginnings, helping us see each other as our Creator does.... complete, unique, and not constrained by cultural rules or limitations."

I must have read a different book.

The end!

Tuesday, July 14, 2015

The Gift of Time!

I must confess I am a 1st born, Type A, work driven, perfectionist. I like to be busy and to have a purpose. I like to stir the Cauldron to bring attention to issues I am passionate about.

Much has been on my mind of late about this personality I have had since, oh I don't know...BIRTH!

What I have been meditating on is this: Is it possible that my Purpose for journeying this lifetime has been fulfilled? Have I already done the work I came to do? If so, then what does that mean for the rest of my life here on this Journey? Is my "Life" over, as I know it?

I have spent much time with SEKHMET this week as I ponder these questions.

Here is what She told me in no uncertain words!!!!!

1. Yes, I have completed my "purpose" in life. I came to be the Mama Bear ,not only for my own children, but for those children who were abused and neglected and abandoned for the 33 years I did social work. I then was the Mama Bear the 2 years I did International and Domestic Adoptions. Even at seminary, I had adopted daughters and sons, who I mentored through those years in "real life" operating systems.

2.  Well done! I heard SEKHMET say loudly to me.

3. Yes, I have completed my "purpose" in life. I marched for peace and civil rights. I have been a very outspoken Voice for the marginalized, impoverished and forgotten. I have supported causes others would not take a second look at and I stood against the Porn industry when I left the husband of 30 years.

4. Well done! I heard SEKHMET say loudly to me.

Then there was quiet.

So what is my purpose now, SEKHMET? What am I to take on? What cause needs my voice. Am I just being lazy, working only 20 hours a week when I could be working 40 hours a week? Am I crazy for taking my Social Security now, so I can only work 20 hours a week? What am I to do with my time? I feel like a lazy good for nothing woman. No one to care for, no causes I am actively fighting. My mom tells me I should volunteer with all these extra hours I now have. That I should be doing SOMETHING WITH MY TIME!

Here is what I heard:

1.  Your purpose is to now care for YOU! It is YOUR TIME! You have worked more hours than many over your lifetime. You have seen and done things others would cringe at, if they knew all that you did as a social worker. You were the Lionness, the Mama Bear and the Wolf! You howled to make changes in laws. You kept your kids and other kids safe as you possibility could, and you walked the path of Peace all while seeing and experiencing the horrors of abuse, neglect and mental illness outside and inside your home.

2.  Stop feeling guilty that you now have Time for YOU! Stop feeling like you have to fill your time with something others think is worthy. Stop! You deserve now to do what you want to do, when you want to do it, and how you want to do it and with whom you want to do it. That includes doing NOTHING!

3.  You still have a compassionate heart that reaches out to others as you feel called to do so. But now, you have time to sit with me, SEKHMET and learn at my feet! You have time to ponder questions deeper than you have before for no other reason but it is fun and fulfilling; even if you never share it with another human being.

4. You just happened to be called to complete your Big Tasks earlier in your life. Now you are reaping the sweet joy of Living in your own time and space.

And there was Stillness.

Do I know how to do that? Can I really give in to not Planning for the next thing? Can I actually sit and read a book for hours without thinking what I "should" be doing next? Can I actually focus on caring for Me?

It feels right and freeing! It feels like, I have opened up Sacred Space not only for me but for others as well. It feels like the New Beginning that has been bubbling in my Cauldron of late.

Today, I begin to appreciate the Gift of Time; of My Time!

I think I will have a cup of hot cocoa on this 98 degree day and go see how Harry Potter, Ron and Hermione are doing at Hogwarts! And then maybe I will just sit and watch the Hummingbirds stopping by for their evening meal. And then maybe I will watch brainless TV!

Yep....The Gift of Time...Me Time! I earned it the hard way! It is mine!

Blessed be!

Monday, June 8, 2015

Quest 2015 Surprise!!!!

In January, I began Quest 2015 after hearing that word all through the month of December. Yesterday, I completed Book One on this Journey.

Today I began Book 2 with this entry:

"I thought I was on a Healing Quest but now 6 months into it and SEKHMET (Goddess of Anger/Wrath/Peacemaker) came to the surface to show me that was not true. I already was Healed.

I Healed when I threw hundreds of Porn CD's at Bob (now the ex) that night I found, 'Daddy's Little Girl' CD in his briefcase.

I Healed when I disclosed in family therapy his porn addiction and it's impact on me and the children.

I Healed when we sat at the dining room table after his car wreck and told him Steph and I were moving out.

I Healed November 2002, when we moved into our own apartment.

I Healed when I told him I was filing for divorce.

I Healed when the divorce papers came.

I Healed when Pastor Mark and Pastor Gerry told me to stay in the marriage and I left anyway.

I Healed when I went to seminary to find god and found Goddess waiting for me there.

I Healed when I left the Christian Tradition.

I Healed when I put on my Witch Cloak.

I Healed when I told my parents and others.

I Healed when I gave David permission to not 'owe' me anything...not even his attention and love.

The Healing has already been done~~~ a long time ago.

So why do I get triggered by sexual abuse, porn, misogyny, racism, homophobia?

SEKHMET Finally Came To Me!

Here is what She taught me:


You see even before the wounding began, I was aware of the injustices in the World. Hell, I was aware early on that Blacks were lower class according to my family, government, church and society. I remember the Colored bathrooms and bus seats. And even as a young girl I was questioning and mad about it. I was angry when as a teen, that I couldn't be an acolyte or carry a cross in the service because I was a girl. And I fit right into the 60's with all this awareness and righteous anger!

SEKHMET has always been in my DNA~~~~ I just didn't know Her name! I just knew I was angry at a bunch of stuff.  

My Parents had it Wrong!
My Family had it Wrong!
My Neighbors had it Wrong!
My Church had it Wrong!
My Government had it Wrong!


I argued with my parents and pastors. I protested the Vietnam War. I marched for Women's Rights, Civil Rights, Environmental rights and Church Change.


There I could change families, empower women, feed the hungry and stop the abuse. I won the War on many Fronts, but not the Marriage Front (or so I thought). There the Wounding took place.

THE WOUNDED HEALER I became and I was damn good at it!

I wanted to have my own children as that to me was the Promise that the Plan for a better world would happen. And with SEKHMET and Mama Bear by my side I did my best to protect and guide them. But I could not shelter them from their father.

I HAD to stay you see. I HAD no choice. I thought it was the only way to Protect them. And I  became the Wrathful Wife. And then when the Cubs could fend for themselves, I could finally leave.

But since then, I was convinced that my Life was about Healing. But like this remarkable Human Body I reside in, I Heal Quickly! And I did! I just didn't know it. Now I do!

SEKHMET poured forth from my DNA and gave name to my Anger, Rage and Wrath. She Provided the definition and form. She provides the framework for my Journey from this point forward. I totally embrace Anger, Rage and Wrath as my own Reaction to ALL that is Wrong in the World.

THIS VOICE I have always been!

So when I see a report about a Judge not punishing a man who raped a 3 year old because the man "did not set out to do harm to the little girl," I post: I HATE MEN AND THE PATRIARCHAL RAPE CULTURE THEY RIDE IN ON! And yes, I mean ALL MEN!

Do I harbor Anger, Rage and Wrath? Yes! Is it ok? Yes? Does it eat me alive and make me unhealthy? Not one bit!

*I am Angry that my parents did nothing to Chuck (my brother) when they found out he had been raping my baby sister for 8 years.

*I have Rage that they continued to have a relationship with him; going on vacations, football games and holiday celebrations.

*I have Anger that my mother almost grieved herself to death when Chuck cut off all contact with her and my dad.

*I am Angry that for whatever the reason, Dad had to tell me about his affair and that she looked just like me.

*I am Angry that there are still Secrets in my Family.

*I am Angry that the man who fathered my children was so addicted to porn and so narcissistic that he would not give that up, even tho' it was wounding his wife and his children.

*I have Rage that my son suffers from Mental Illness and there are limited resources to help him and others. 

*I am Angry that the Church brainwashes still and controls the government (along with NRA).

*I am Angry about the War on Women, Immigrants, and Homosexuals.

*I am full of Wrath toward the Porn Industry.

*I am full of Wrath toward the Patriarchal Rape Culture that rules the World.

And all the While I set the Goddess Table of Peace each morning as that is the Other Side of SEKHMET and of me!

I have not been Broken and Wounded for a Long Time. Those who meant to hurt me, did not win.

When my Heart was Cut out, I grew another fuller one!

When my Voice Box was removed, I grew a new one with larger Pipes!

When others Rights were being Smashed, I joined in and picked them up with the New Hands I had grown when mine were removed.

And when my Brain was being rewired, I took wire cutters and dissected away the horrific lies and control messages.

Oh no~~~~~ I am NOT Healing~~~~ I Healed right after each cut, each bashing, each body part removal.

I move on this Journey in Wisdom, Self-Love and my own Affirmations of my Worth.

It is a New Day! Me and my Traveling companions:
Mama Bear     Shewa Wolf    Lioness"

Blessed be!  

Thursday, June 4, 2015

SEKHMET joins my pantheon; not like she wasn't always there!

I am happy that at 62 years of age, I still stand in awe of how I can be surprised and amazed at how life unfolds. Here is my SEKHMET story.

So, two weeks ago, I was having my massage and during a most relaxing healing hands session, I traveled to my Clearing and there met up with Hekate. There were questions I needed answers to, but instead she gave me Lioness as a new (yea, right!) traveling spirit animal. She joins my long time spirit animals: Wolf and Brown Bear.

That was the answer to why I keep hearing: "He will Drown!"? What??? Come on Hekate, I need answers not another animal companion. But I did not say any of that to Hekate and really I like Lions so I was pleased, just sent away without answers. Or so I thought.

Gotta hate a Goddess who won't let you know what is going on!!!!

When I came home, I began to research the Energy brought by Lioness. She is a message of balance as she moves in both the day and night; prudence, keep an even mind, do not overdo, strength, courage, royality, dignity, power, authority, justice, wisdom and ferocity.

Balance had been a theme the entire week before, at both home and at work.

This gift was given on a Monday, Tuesday I called off work. Yes, I had been very out of balance, yes I had allowed others to set my agenda and suck all the life out of me, yes I had given my power to others and forgot that I was born with the heart of dignity, justice, wisdom and ferocity.

I sure was happy to have Lioness now in my life as one of my three traveling spirit companions.

Well, this was not the end of the story. Hekate had sent her also to open my mind to realize another Goddess had been with me since I can remember but I did not know Her. She knew I needed to embrace this Goddess in my Psyche Archetype Committee and it was now!

You see, it was time for me to complete the Banishment Poppet Ritual regarding the ex. This man is a sexual pervert, mysognist, narcissistic, evil man who wounded me and my two children deeply. I needed to embrace my Rage and Anger as the Shadow part of me that had been stolen by the Patriarchal Culture all my life. OH yes, I would get mad and be full of rage over a lot of things, but it was not totally under control and not well thought out AND I would then feel guilty as hell for months on end.

You see, I was the good girl. I was the well behaved first born. I was Susie Christian. I was the best employee, friend, sister, daughter....you name it I was Susie Sunshine who helped others, watched out for others and always forgave anyone who wronged me. But deep inside Pele was spewing lava all over the place and every now and then it would spew out. Everyone would be shocked and remind me that was not "me" and then the guilt would set in. In fact, after arguments with the ex, it was me who would go out and buy him something or go overboard to make it all right because by arguing and yelling I was not being the peacemaker and sweet wife I was to be.

OK, back to SEKHMET.... wow, I can get off point!

So, one evening I went looking for a piece of paper to write on and pulled out a notebook from my shelf. I didn't remember, but 5 years ago I had been reading the book Godddesses in Older Women and taking notes in this notebook.

I opened it and yep you got it: There in highlighted words was this:


Next highlighted on the page:

He name means Powerful. She is Protectress with strength and ability to spring upon evildoers and transgressors.

She does not initiate or provoke conflict, but when divine order is threatened, she responds with the direct savagery of a protective lioness.

She is a healer and is associated with both life and death (I was a Douala and present at deaths)  and her presence is invoked in situation of life and death (social worker).

She is the embodiment of Earth (I am Virgo and must be outside).

SEKHMET is Triple Goddess: Creator, Sustainer of life (healer), Destroyer

Then this was quoted from the book: "Women often come to know Destroyer as they age; as they live long enough to see the damage from neglect/abuse on next generations and realize a lot of suffering could have been prevented."

As I spent time with SEKHMET she had me travel back in time with her and see where in fact along with Hekate, she was a driving force in my passion for the marginalized, for the abused and neglected, for how others are treated. She showed me that I fought hard for those and for my own children. Even by staying in the marriage for 30 years I was fighting to right a wrong, but it was not my fight... I was trying to be a Peacemaker in a forest were I could never win the fight.

What she also revealed to me was that I was out of balance even then. I had too much Guilt from the patriarchal family, church and society I was raised in and it undid all the change I was trying to make in the forest I was living in.

I love being 62 and having the opportunity to understand how life unfolded so far. I am glad SEKHMET was there with me, because at least in my career as a social worker I did help many make positive changes and I was a part of changes much needed in the community, in families, and even a tad bit in the church.

But the only way to make a major change in my life was to take my cubs (then adults) and walk out of that destructive marriage forest. It was time for us to find somewhere else to live.

So that is the story so far. What to glean from this is to Listen and Watch and never take anything for granted. Goddess is always ready to open that door, we have chosen to close, at just the right time.

Welcome Lionness! Welcome SEKHMET!

Now time to get to work!

Blessed be and love!

Sunday, May 31, 2015

Male wounding; it's a fact!

At 62 years of age, I have the gift to look back over my life and put the puzzle together. Lately, with the help of my sisters, many pieces are falling into place and they are not good, but they are interesting.

At this point, I can only come up with a handful or less of men in my life who have not wounded me in some way. And this wounding began even before I was born. You see, the "sins of the father" impact us in ways we don't realize. You see ALL the significant men in  my life have mistreated me and left scars!

My patriarchal line is full of mysognist, racist, bigoted, pedophiles. Of course, who knew? As usual, it was a best kept secret. I should not have been surprised that I married a mysognist, narcissistic  sexual abuser addicted to porn.

My paternal grandfather's Bible is covered with comments he wrote about his feeling regarding women. It is not a pretty picture. Of late, I found out that he had a tent in the back yard and "entertained" the little girls and boys in the neighborhood there. My Dad at age 23 had to go tell him this was not a good idea and get rid of the tent. He did, but don't think this ended the pedophilia. We also found out lately that he sexually abused his step-daughter repeatedly. We also know that my uncles were sexually abuse and I suspect so was my father, but he won't talk about it.

My brother, sexually abused my two sisters, one he raped for many years. This was not "discovered" until he was away in the Navy and married and no one did anything to him. He still walks this earth living a good life.

A few months after I got married at age 20, my Dad came down with mono and called me to his bedside to tell me he had an affair and that the woman looked just like me. He went on to tell me in detail about the sex they had until mom found out. But he kept telling me how she was so much like me. (i.e. I wish it had been you). Most of my memories of my Dad from childhood were ones of total fear and trepidation. he wielded a harsh tone and hand along with belts. He gave me negative messages about being a woman and sex in general. When I started my period and mom told him he gave me the  V encyclopedia with Veneral Disease marked for me to read.

Then I married the epitome of a sexual pervert. The story I have told her many times so I will not go into detail, but leave it to be said, he wounded not only me but eventually both of our children due to his perversions. I finally left him  after 30 years and carry wounds and scars that will stay with me they are so deep and profound.

My son, suffers from Borderline Personality Disorder inherited from his father and as a result of the porn he grew up with. He blames me for giving birth to him, for staying with his father, for not protecting him, well....for everything. He comes and goes with contacting me and right now, he is not. 

I was a Christian until age 53. During that time, I was totally wounded by the Patriarchal Rape culture of the church. I listened to sermon after sermon about a women's place, I was not allowed to participate in priestly activities due to my gender, and I belonged to the Lutheran church which was one of the more progressive denominations. Even when I finally told my pastor about the sexual abuse in my marriage, I was encouraged to stay as I had made vows to this punishing male God and it was my responsibility to stay. One of the reasons I had stayed for 30 years was because of this bullshit brainwashing.

In high school it was the guys who gave me the name "horseface" and discredited me every chance they got. It didn't help that I was an outspoken feminist early on in my teens as far as they were concerned. In seminary, this treatment continued with accusations that I should not be there and finally that I was a witch and was a detriment to the organized church. And I went to seminary after retirement to work through all the crap of the church and my guilt. What happened was Goddess finally led me to my true calling.

My pedophile brother never touched me, as I was 3 years older than him, but he wrote me a very damning letter when I left my ex and has not spoken to me since (yea for that indeed).

I have a male cousin I am very close to. But even he disappoints me more often than not. He promises to call or come visit or take me somewhere and then I don't hear from him for months. It is just as well, he carries that male energy of "who's in charge" and I often wonder why I still hang out with him when he finds the time for me? Maybe he is the last male that I actually had some hope in. That is about gone for sure. 

Yes, there have been a few, really a very very few, men along the way who have been kind, but they did not stay in my life for very long at all.

I am not unique in my journey that is for sure. Many many women have similar or worse stories to tell. What I know to be truth is this Dominator culture we live in wounds on purpose. This Patriarchal Culture wounds Mama Earth, Animals, Women, Children and themselves. And they often do it under the brainwashing of "they know best". That was what my ex told me when I met him at a mere 19 years of age.

You see.... it is ingrained in our culture and I am no longer sure there is a remedy except for total annihilation of the human species. We are the only species that intentionally hurts another for their own gain and power and control.

So, here I am at 62 and I now totally refuse to live with this woundedness any longer.  My Dad is 82 and I will help him and my mom when they need me to. I have left the church , thank my dear Goddess and walk a most wonderful path now. I have solid relationship with my daughter and many women. I only tolerate the men I have to be in contact with every day.

Male wounding is deep and profound, but there are more Thrivers than we even know. For us who are more vocal, we must carry the stories to others so they do not feel alone and to the younger women so they don't fall into the same traps.

Life is good and scars are the visual signs that I have survived the Battle.

Blessed be and much love to all Sisters who have Male wounds they are still caring for. May we all gather our hears and souls together as we heal ourselves and consequently the whole Earth!

Saturday, April 4, 2015

Full Moon Lessons at 4am!

She woke me up at 4am on this Saturday in April.
She called my name and I could not go back to sleep.
So I got up, fixed a cup of tea and went out on the balcony of my brother's house I have been at all week. Taz and Roxy sat with me.

We soaked up Her energy and then I had one of those epiphanies that can only come when the night is embracing you. It is one of those epiphanies that can only come when Grandmother Moon is in her Fullness.

This is the Epiphany.

The Moon is the only Creation that does not have the ability to HURT anything.

The Sun will burn our skin and we develop skin cancer.
The Water will drown us.
The Wind will blow down houses and cause creation to die.
The Lightning will cause forest fires and creation dies.

But the Moon....She will never ever hurt any of creation.
The Moon....She is predictable....She comes every night and moves across the sky in her Waning and Waxing Times. She is pure and simple.....She is powerful and magnificent. She moves the oceans and She moves the menstrual cycles of Women. 

She is Female.

And She hurts nothing!

And I began to Sob!
I am tired of being hurt. I am tired of seeing others hurt. I am tired.
And there She was. Just for ME!

People are the smartest animals on this planet and yet they are the Cruelest.
They intentionally and unintentionally hurt the ones they love, they hurt the earth, animals  and the ones they see as different from them.

They are violent and cruel and they embrace all of this within patriarchal religions that reinforce their power and control; reinforce their right to discriminate, to hate and to destroy and rape.

But the Moon!

No wonder Witches do everything we can to Draw Down Her Energy! No wonder we Spend time dancing under Her; talking about Her, Drumming to Her and Loving and Learning from Her.

I was sobbing and the dogs were paying me no mind as they too were looking into Her Glory.

I am Moon Woman! She is my Family! She is my Rock and my Security!

I am 62 and don't expect to see Humanity to change in this Lifetime. I tried. Goddess knows I tried and now I will gather Moon Energy and embrace it into my Own being and send it out into the Universe; kinda like ET did the airwaves. Hoping beyond hope that I might just contact someone else who will turn and look at this Glorious Message of Love and Light!

She Does Not have the Ability to Hurt!
So Mote it Be for us all!

Blessed be!

Sunday, March 15, 2015

The Stolen Story of Persephone!

It is Time for Persephone to enter the Story as the Wheel Turns! In the Northern Hemisphere we are anxiously awaiting her return from the Underworld. It will be a time of rejoicing as She brings new life into a time of cold and rest. Flowers will bloom, trees will become green again and seeds will begin sprouting! Lots of rejoicing.

In the Southern Hemisphere, it is the time when Persephone begins her descent into the Underworld due to being kidnapped and raped by Hades! King of the Death Cave! Master and Big Man on Campus! In such need of a wife he was, he came out of the Cave and took what was not his: Persephone.

Of course, this sent Mama Demeter into a rage as she did not know where Persephone had gone and with her rage and grief and loss cold and darkness came to the planet. Winter became harsh as Demeter drew more and more into Herself and Persephone was not around to bring Light and Growth to the Planet.

Ahhhh....the story of that we all grew up with; were taught in Latin class; and understood as was the lot of women. We were always at the risk of being kidnapped, raped and married off to whatever man decided he wanted us! And it was ok, cause you see, everyone once in a while, this cruel and powerful man would let us go out to play.


This was not the original story. This was the story that was hijacked and changed when the patriarchal religions came into being and their main agenda was to take that which was not theirs: the Goddess, women, children and all forms of property. They changed the stories to fulfill their agenda.

In the most ancient layer of myth, Persephone's name means "She Who Destroys The Light." She was the powerful Goddess of the Underworld long before anyone knew of Hades. Like the Indian Kali, the Irish Morrigan, and the Sumerian Ereshkegal, she was the Goddess of Death.

Another ancient layer of the myth tells of Persephone hearing the despairing cries of the dead and choosing freely to go into the Underworld to comfort them. Hades does not appear at all, in this version. Here Persephone's descent to hell illustrates inclusiveness for every being, whether in the Underworld or in our present one, and shows that mercy is integral to her nature.

In some older versions of Persephone's story, she was a young woman, not a young girl, and instead of accidentally wandering away, she had gone deliberately adventuring, when she fell, or was lured, or was kidnapped into Hell. Here Persephone's adventurous spirit leads her into difficulty, instead of her being a passive victim of the wickedness of others. Her relationship with her mother gives her the courage to explore her world, and when events take a bad turn, their relationship gives her the strength to survive.

Do you see what happened? Persephone was NOT kidnapped. She took it upon herself, for a variety of reasons to go into the Underworld. She was powerful, compassionate, strong! She could not fit into the Male Take over! Women could be none of that. They were at the beck and call of the Male who was GOD!

So what can we do about this? We can stop telling the story that includes Hades. That is a male religion retelling to brainwash women into thinking they are always subservient to the Male God, they are always at his mercy, and they are always available to be raped and sold off for marriage. That is their place in the patriarchal religions and culture.

WE must tell the story that shows how Persephone Chose to go to the Underworld! Persephone went alone to care for those there. Persephone, with the strength gifted to her by other women, chose to spend half her time with those of the Dead and those of the Living. That is what a Goddess does, cause you can't have one without the other.

There was and is no HADES! He is a figment of the imagination of religions who had a cruel, evil and punishing God!

But not anymore!


Now Demeter is another story for another time, but let it be said, that I am sure she was sad and lonely for her daughter and as such winter comes upon us as she is grieving the loss of her daughter. But for me....it was Persephone, flying out of the nest and making her own choices of where she was to be Goddess!

Just like you and me!

Blessed be!

Tuesday, March 3, 2015

I am Grandmother Moon!

I have had a connection with Grandmother Moon since I was a small child. I loved looking at her and wondering what it would be like to stand on her and look down at the earth. It felt powerful and amazing and was the reason I considered being an astronaut when I was a teen. But of course, that was not a field that women were invited into in the 60's!

As I got older, I related the Moon to my menstrual cycles. Not enlightened enough to really connect on a deep Goddess level, but I still had that connection.

As I fully embraced the Pagan Witch path, I began to understand Pulling Down Her Energy, charging Crystals and Dancing in Her Fullness, and Resting in Her Darkness.

This week, I finally understood how my life imitates the Cycles of the Moon. I have moved from Full to Dark to Full again in a months time.

As most of my witch sisters can attest, this MoonShine has been mostly covered in clouds the past few weeks. It has been a hard few months, but this past month brought everything into full stress and anxiety mode and I went into a funk.

The month began with the knowledge that I would indeed have my book published thanks to Ibby Greer and CreateSpace! This is the woman I have been asking Goddess to bring into my life as I knew nothing of self-publishing! I was on such a high! I was beaming with the Full Moon Light!

As the weeks went on, I had an aunt and a 41 year old cousin transition within a week of each other. Both funerals had many examples of the lack of compassion on the part of those conducting the funerals and I was upset. I let it embrace me and drag me down into the depths of sorrow not for me, but for those who were left behind.

I also found out I have to have more intensive gum surgery before I can continue with the implants. I see my hard earned money growing wings and flying out of my bank account by the thousands. I don't want more pain and I would love to have my money back. But health issues are just that and have to be taken care of.

I found myself moving more into the Dark Phase of the Moon.

Finally last week...I felt all the Light drain out of this One who goes by Sunshine! And my facebook posts reflected this Dark Time. I began getting messages from sisters making sure I was ok, and a few said they didn't like when I was like this as I was the one they could count on to have the bright outlook on life!

This has been a blessing and a burden for as long as I can remember. I am the Light bearer, I look for all the silver linings and I reflect them to others. But what comes with that, is feeling guilty when I wane to Dark Moon. I do NOT like being Debbie Downer! Debbie Sunshine is my name and my mission and my gift!

But this month, I realized, I made the journey from Full, to Waning, to Dark, to Waxing and now to Full again. And it is OK. It is more than OK. It is human! And I believe it is also Divine.

As pagans we look to the world for our Teachings. This was my Teaching this month. Grandmother reminded me that I must be more aware of how much a like we are. It does not mean I have to have a pity party each month. What it means to me, is that when I feel the Dark Moon arising, I need to rest in that, soak in the Dark and make friends with all that comes to me at that time,; be it anger, tears or just plain sadness. JUST BE!

In two days, Grandmother will be Full and I am feeling the Light coming back into my very being.

Do I still have to have dental surgery, yep!
Does it still mean I have to pay for it, unfortunately yes!
Does it mean that those who were at the funeral need to heal themselves and find a way to walk through grief and loss themselves, yes!
Does it mean I can do anything to help? yes! I can send cards and send the Light to them for I know the funeral is over and all that stuff doesn't matter any longer! I can leave all that with Dark Moon Time!

So thank you to everyone who sent their love and compassion to me and my family during this Moon Transition!

It has been quite a journey! But once again, I just gotta Love how Goddess Teaches! I just wish the Lessons weren't so painful!

Blessed be!

Saturday, February 28, 2015

I am Weary of the Roller Coaster ride!

Now, I use to love roller coaster rides! Haven't actually been on one since my disc surgery and probably won't again in this life time. I will miss the thrill of the curves, the drops and the speed.

What I don't like are the roller coasters of life!

(pix of the roller coaster in my home town: Lakeside amusement park now demolished)

I remember when I worked at Lakeside Amusement Park and a bunch of us decided to ride the roller coaster 50 times in a row. It was a slow day and so that is exactly what we did. 50 times on this old wooden roller coaster (maybe that is why years later I had to have 3 discs fused together in my neck!). Half way through I remember thinking, "ok, I'm done, I want this to stop, I want to get off!" But I stayed on and when it was over I think it was a very long time before I got back on the Shooting Star!

That being said, today, "I'm done! I want this to stop, I want to get off!" My life have been a roller coaster ride of late and I am weary.

It takes a lot for me to grow Weary. I tend to have high energy levels (well, not as high now that I am in my 60's but still more than a lot of people my age!) and can weather most of the major drops and climbs with grace and optimism.

But right now...not so much. And good grief...I should be flying around those curves and down those hills smiling all the way with my hands in the air! My first book is getting ready to be published for goodness sakes. And yes, that is the thrill as I take that first climb to the top of the highest point on the ride!

But I am weary, and unlike the old days, when I felt totally guilty about feeling this way, I am admitting it with all my might! I WANT TO GET OFF!

I want people to take a break and not die for awhile (in the last 2 months, 2 aunts, a cousin and yes even Spock!) I want to not have to debate with my mom whether we are going to funerals (no, we didn't get invited to Nimoy's...just sayin') and then help her work through the guilt of the decision not to go. I want funerals to actually be about the woman who dies and not the man who is left behind. I want those who deserve to die (like my pedophile brother and my ex) to do so and those like my 41 year old cousin...yes and Nimoy.... not to!

But I am happy that my first Social Security Check was deposited this week AND that my 1st book is going to be published!!!!

I don't want to deal with vertigo or the arthritis in my left thumb joint. Nor do I want the next mouth surgery in March where I have my entire lower gums filled with cadaver skin to build up my recessive gums and then a month later have more implant surgery!

I am thrilled that my son is in his first apartment and working full time.

I don't like that his ex is stalking and harassing him to the point he will have to get a restraining order.

I am happy that my daughter is an outspoken and wise woman, will be heading to Texas next weekend for a conference and then off to Maine in 6 weeks.

I don't like that I am now trying to fit 34 hours of work into 24 hours a week. All the same expectations are there for me to produce at the same level as I did before.

I am weary.

And this is Life!

I know it to be true, but today, I want to get on the Merry Go Round and ride the beautiful horses!


I remember in the last 2 years of my marriage saying over and over again, "Someone stop this Merry go Round and let me get off!"

Maybe amusement parks aren't as fun as they look.

I think I will stay away from the Haunted House!

Blessed be!

Saturday, February 21, 2015

Ripping is good for the Anger inside

I have just spent 2 hours sitting on my couch ripping pictures out of magazines for my SoulCollage cards. I realized I had to rip and tear to keep me from ripping and tearing apart certain family members.

This week has been hard; physically, emotionally, and spiritually.

As most, I come from a dysfunctional family. Didn't feel that way until the man who also came from my mother's womb and my dad's sperm (I can no longer call him brother and I no longer acknowledge him as such) began his total destruction of the family and then bowed out totally for 8 years to lick his own wounds. Then I found out what he had done to my two sisters; one with memories of the 6 years of sexual abuse and 1 with no memories of her childhood at all and wondering what happened to her. Both suffer consequences of such horrible power and control of a brother on a sister.

When my youngest sister was 17, she told our parents and they chose to do nothing and take no responsibility. Later on, he treated them badly and didn't speak to them for 8 years.  He does not visit them and now calls every now and then and my mom gets all giddy and excited. It sickens me to my very core!

Oh my goodness...but all has been forgiven by my mom because the Bible tells her so! I have let it be (well for the most part) as she is old and she is a Christian and he is her son, blah blah blah! But I do speak my mind to her.

Yesterday, my other brother who totally loves his brother and says everyone just needs to get over this posted a picture on Facebook of this man officiating a Redskin football game this past fall with a glorifying post of his awesome brother. My mom/dad then commented how wonderful and my mom/dad shared the picture on their page with also wonderful words.

It took everything in  me to comment: "Oh yea....THE PEDOPHILE MONSTER coaching football! Wow, let's celebrate!"

Instead I unfriended both my mom/dad and my brother.

Last night my middle sister (we don't talk often) called me and we talked for 3 hours. She has been dealing with all of this and was triggered into outrageous anger by the posting and honoring of this Monster, especially after our mom/dad shared it.

Now, I could kinda get past it, but these are the same people who had to "unfollow" my gay nephew cause they get sicken by looking at the pictures of their grandson with his boyfriend. They re-share pictures of my youngest nieces pictures with their new boyfriends and all other friends of theirs, but not their gay grandson! He is sinful and going against god's commands and yet they will post out there the picture of their PEDOPHILE SON! What is wrong with this world?

And I sat through a 1 1/2 hour funeral for my wonderful and loving Aunt Edith on Thursday where her name was not mentioned but maybe 5 times. The rest of the time the three men who spoke (some man who was promoting his book and 2 pastors) hailed the wonderful man my uncle was/is as he taught so many to fly airplanes, and the awesome Flying Service that my uncle had. My Aunt ran the business and he taught the flying.


Now, I know that my paternal family had/has strong feeling about women, anyone not white, anyone not Christian, etc, but this was just so horrible. I am so happy that my Uncle is totally deaf and slept through the entire funeral that he couldn't hear anyway. I want to believe he would not have been happy with this funeral.


I really want to pack up, move out into the forest where no one can find me but my kids and my youngest sister and those Sisters of the Goddess Table! I am tired at 62 of everything. I am tired. So very tired.

So, until I can actually run away (which will probably never happen), I am going back to tearing and ripping pictures out of magazines....that makes sense to me.

And I will cry inside and out for the Inner little girls of my sisters and all the women in the world who have had their childhoods stolen by men; and their adult lives damaged by men.

Blessed be! 

Wednesday, February 11, 2015

Working with Poppets

It has only been in the past year that I have seriously begun working magick with Poppets. At first I rejected the idea because I thought you had to have a sewing machine and like actually SEW! Not on my list of gifts!

Then my sweet witch mentor Autumn, told me that I could use construction paper, crayons, pens, markers, etc. and work the magick with that. Ok! I could do that and I have!

My first Poppet was for my daughter, who is a manager of a Country Club restaurant, and they desperately needed a chef. So she asked if I could work some magick for the right person to show up and take the job! I did my first Poppet and low and behold two days later she called saying, "Mom, did you do magick cause we have a Chef and he is going to be incredible."

Well, that was all it took and I was sold. Nothing like immediate affirmation.

So, I have done a few more here and there alone and also joined in with other witches when they needed extra energy for magick they were doing with poppets.

This blog is about my most recent Poppet. I want to share the story and outcome because it was not exactly the outcome I asked for or expected. BUT, what it showed me is that magick is all about being aligned with the Universe's plan. And it seems that I was!

My son who is 33 years old and trying to find his niche in life, entered graduate school last fall in the Occupational Therapy Program at Radford University. He was very excited about it, and the first few weeks were good, but soon the experience turned ugly and he had to drop out. He had taken a loan out for the tuition and since it was past the drop/add period, the University refused to reimburse any of the money. He was discriminated against based on religion and mental illness and they kept giving him the run around.

Enter, Mama Witch!!!! Without telling him (and he still doesn't know), I made a Poppet.

On January 8, 2015 I made the Poppet and did a ritual asking for Radford University to reimburse my son all the money he had paid to them. My son, had quit his job because the program did not allow work outside school. So here he was with no job and no money and no school. As you can see I covered this Poppet with money symbols and Runes and also had quarters all over it. The Runes were about prosperity, happiness, wisdom, new trade, movement, journey of the soul, strength, positive outcome, good health, protection, etc.

Every day I spoke to the Poppet and lit candles, and chanted and drummed. But nothing was happening.

On January 26th, I took the Poppet to the Lake and Spoke the intention to Lady of the Lake. You see my son is a swimmer, a swim coach and a lifeguard/pool manager in the summer. Water is his second home. So I just knew Lady of the Lake would help. I tore the Poppet into little pieces and threw them into the Lake with a Penny that I found as I was walking to the Lake that day. I threw rocks into the Lake to disperse the pieces of the Poppet.

This past Sunday, February 8th, I got a call from my son. Now this in and of itself is unusual as he does not call me, maybe he will text from time to time but he hates talking on the phone. Here was the gist of the phone call.

"Hey Mom, I have good news! I went into Mill Mountain Coffee Shop (where he has worked off and on since college) to see if they needed help and was told the owner had been wondering how to get in touch with me. So I called him and he offered me a full time manager job at one of the stores that hadn't been doing well. I told him I could give him until the summer as I was thinking of moving out of town. Well, he offered me so much money a week to give him 1 year I couldn't turn it down. And it has been 2 weeks and the store has totally turned around! I love being a manger and am so happy.

Oh, and Mom, a local guy works with people training for Triathlons and he wondered if I would be interested in offering private swim lessons to the adults training. It's good money and I can do on my own schedule.

I also told the owner of the coffee shop that I had to coach the Summer Swim Team at the local pool and he said, 'To have you back, we will work around it.'

And the best yet, Mom, I signed a lease on a one bedroom apartment today!" (Now, this is a huge step as my son has NEVER lived alone and he had been sleeping on a friend's couch as he had broken up with his girlfriend. The bad thing was that his roommate is very allergic to cats so my son had to leave his cats with his ex girlfriend until he decided what to do. He was NOT going to go back to his Dad's, but that might have been an option and would have been a big step backwards in his healing.)"

After talking all this out and being so excited for him, etc I asked the big question: "Have you heard anything from Radford University about your money?" "Nope Mom, and it looks like I would have to sue them and I don't have the money to do that. I am going to chalk it up to Lesson Learned. I will continue looking at grad schools as I really want to do OT but right now, I am so happy and can't believe how all this just fell into my lap!"

Well, sisters, do you see what I saw? I limited myself in only asking for one thing (money to be returned), but the Runes I had welded on the Poppet asked for so much more and the Universe listened. Wow! A full time job, a second job and an APARTMENT BY HIMSELF !!! That in and of itself is the best part!

Yep, I believe in the Magick of Poppets but I also believe that it wasn't me who made all this happen. It was me believing in Magick and the power of aligning myself with what the Universe already wanted to see happen.

So, don't forget using Poppets in your magick. You don't even have to Sew! Sweet!

Blessed be!

Wednesday, January 14, 2015

Wounded Warriors

“I thought of the woman I always thought of in such moments: an astrologer who’d read my natal chart when I was twenty-three. I didn’t put much faith in it. I thought it would be a bit of fun, an ego-boosting session during which she’d say generic things like You have a kind heart.
But she didn’t. Or rather, she said those things, but she also said bizarrely specific things that were so accurate and particular, so simultaneously consoling and upsetting, that it was all I could do not to bawl in recognition and grief. “How can you know this?” I kept demanding. ….and then she’d say another thing that would blow my brain into about seven thousand pieces because it was so true.
Until she began to speak of my father. ‘Was he a Vietnam vet?’ she asked. No, I told her, he wasn’t. He was in the military in the mid-1960’s—in fact, he was stationed at the base in Colorado Springs where my mother’s father was stationed, which is how my parents met—but never in Vietnam.
‘It seem she was like a Vietnam vet,’ she persisted. ‘Perhaps not literally. But he has something in common with some of those men. He was deeply wounded. He was damaged. His damage had infected his life and has infected you.’
I was not going to nod. Everything that had every happened to me in my whole life was mixed into the cement that kept my head perfectly still at the moment an astrologer told me that my father had infected me.
‘Wounded?’ was all I could manage.

‘Yes,’ said Pat. ‘And you’re wounded in the same place. That’s what fathers do if they don’t heal their wounds. They wound their children in the same place.’
‘Hmm,’ I said, my face blank.
‘I could be wrong.’ She gazed down a the paper between us. ‘This isn’t necessarily literal.’
‘Actually, I only saw my father three times after I was six,’ I said.

‘The father’s job is to teach his children how to be warriors, to give them the confidence to get on the horse and ride into battle when it’s necessary to do so. If you don’t get that from your father, you have to teach yourself.’
‘But—I think I have already,’ I sputtered. ‘I’m strong—I face things, I----‘

‘This isn’t about strength,’ said Pat. ‘And you may not be able to see this yet, but perhaps there will come a time—it could be years from now—when you’ll need to get on your horse and ride into battle and you’re going to hesitate. You’re going to falter. To heal the wound your father made, you’re gong to have to get on that horse and ride into battle like a warrior.’ “

Excerpt from Wild by Cheryl Strayed. Pages 203-205

My reflections: Out of the entire book, which was amazing and marvelous, this stood out in huge and loud words! Wow! If our fathers do not heal their wounds, they wound their children in the same place.

I did not go directly to my father; that is for another time. But I began thinking about David and Stephanie. Bob was terribly wounded and would not do anything about it of course. Where were his wounds? He has Narcissism, and it was always about himself. He has issues with women and put that on Stephanie and me. But he put the Narcissism on David. It was all about David, and he modeled how to mistreat women, use women, how sex is the beginning and end of all relationships. Both my kids and me were wounded at the sex place…being sexually abused by the constant availability of porn in our house. Both watching it when we were not home.

I am digesting this part of the book and during my massage and then mouth surgery had these vision:


I am standing on a cliff overlooking a vast valley. I am in Native America attire. I am standing beside a beautiful White Mare. She was adorned in ribbons and had a very long mane! Beside me was Wolf! I was gazing out into the landscape, which was full of mountains.

As I stood there, Stephanie walked up behind me with her white Mare and Otter. They joined me at the cliff and we gazed upon the Valley together. She too had on Native American attire. She looked at me and smiled!

Then, David arrived with his White Stallion. Beside him were Wolf and Buffalo. They came to stand with us also. But David had a very distressed look on his face. Stephanie and I nodded at him and then we both mounted our Mares.

David looked at his Steed and stood there. He seemed afraid to mount his horse. He stood there forever so long looking at us and looking at the horse. Stephanie and I waited and nodded to him to get on his horse. She told him that we would help him and he would be safe. But he would not get on the horse.

Interpretation: Stephanie and I had to get on our own horses and teach each other how to be Warriors and ride into battles. We did so in order to heal those wounded parts. My father did not wound me…he actually taught me how to ride into battle, but Bob wounded me in the places he was wounding the kids. He wounded us all.

Stephanie and I got on our Mares and rode out into Battle in spite the woundedness we suffered at the hands of this man. We now ride our Mares with confidence and security, knowing that our wounds are healed and we will not carry them into battles. We carry strength, resiliency, assuredness, and knowledge! We carry our deep Divine Female Voices into the World and are happy where we are and what we do.

David on the other hand was not taught, now does he have the self-ability to ride away from the man who did the wounding. He was more wounded because Bob gave him the mental illness. David has gotten on his Stallion but faltered and failed (going to New Orleans and having to come back to Roanoke; entering the OT graduate program and dropping out).


While having the two dental implants put in yesterday, I had this vision again. This time Stephanie and I were already at the Cliff and on our horses. David walked his horse to join us with Wolf and Buffalo. He once again stood looking at us, and the Valley that awaited us below. He began to put his foot into the stirrup (Stephanie and I were bareback, but he had full saddle.), and hesitated.

Stephanie got down from her horse and walked over to David. She hugged him and handed him a Native American breastplate and told him to put it on. He did so almost hesitantly. She then took his foot and put it in the stirrup. Buffalo came closer and snorted and raised his head. Wolf began to howl!

David left his foot there for a time and looked up at me. I smiled and nodded my head and then looked to the Valley.

Stephanie helped David into the saddle where he sat tall and regal. Like a real Warrior. Buffalo and Wolf bent down on their knees and honored him.

Stephanie mounted her Mare and looked into the Valley. I kneed my beautiful Stallion and set forth down the mountainside. Stephanie nodded to David to go next, which he again did hesitantly, but holding on tightly to the reigns, he began behind me; Stephanie followed behind him.

That was the end of that Vision.


David will not be able to ride off into battle as a warrior until he leaves Bob and joins up with the Women in his life who actually demonstrate how to ride into battle!

It will be scary and he will want to falter, as the wounds his father gave him are deep and profound. They have been controlling his life, just as they could have controlled ours. But Stephanie and I got on our own horses and left that who was wounding us. And now, we are on our own adventure as Warrior Women in charge of our own horses, our own adventures, and our own lives!

I hope David will join us! 

Sunday, January 11, 2015

Poppet work in progress!

I am fairly new using Poppets in my Magick. I have worked with Poppets a few times and seen wonderful outcomes. I now take on a bigger project and wanted to share with you and ask for you to stand with me and send energy.

It is for my son.

My son is 33 years old, single, and struggles with Depression. He is very intelligent, has a college degree and is an incredible swim coach for a high school team during the school year and a summer league in the summer.

That being said, he has been working as an Aide with Autistic Elementary school for the past few years for minimum wage and no benefits. In the Fall he began a Masters Program in Occupational Therapy at Radford University. He took out a loan and drove 45 minutes every day to attend classes. He could not be employed, due to the amount of work required for this 2 year program (a stipulation by the program!) and all the classes being during the day.

My son is very bright and really doesn't have to attend classes to learn, but he does love the interaction with others. But he found out, that the professors were judgmental, bias, racial at times and very very Christian in their speech and requirements (he is an atheist and makes no bones about it! )   He went into a bit of depression one week and asked for special services through the Disability Department. There is a waiting time and so he went to his professors and asked for the time away from class telling them he would email the readings, papers, etc. to them. They all refused, saying he had to be in class or would fail.

By midterm, the religious and mental health discrimination was so bad he had to quit school. Of course, this was past the drop/add period and the school has refused to reimburse his money. He has met with the heads of the department and the Disability Department with no results. He does not have the money to get a lawyer. Of course, another failure for him and he is hitting a low again!

So Mama Bear has gone to work: here is the Poppet I made this week:

After making the Poppet, I took it to the Sisterhood Altar I tend and lit Sage. I let the Sage surround him with the power and energy of the request as I spoke the intention and the rune names and meanings. I have done this every night for 3 nights so far.

I keep the Poppet laying on my Altar inside with quarters at the head, both arms and legs (do you see the pentacle?) I also have now placed stones for grounding of the request and energy from the stones.

I will keep doing this until my son receives what he is due. He has excellent documentation and has it all submitted for consideration. He wants to look at another program, hopefully in NC, but must resolve this situation first as the loan will come due in the next few months and he doesn't have the money to pay it back.

So, that is my Poppet Magick! I have not been "taught" how to do this! I am just asking and listening to my inner Witch! Suggestions always welcome!

Thank you for sending your energy to my son!

Blessed be and love!  

Saturday, January 3, 2015


First Vision for Quest 2015!
(during massage! I told you she has healing hands, I have my best visions during my massages!)

Very aware of my Chakras. Went through and aligned them. I then sensed energy being pulled up through my roots and traveling the vascular system. I then sensed energy pouring in through my Crown; tips of branches. This Pouring In and Pulling into Cycled through me. I then realized:

I became Grandmother Tree, standing Regal and Tall Gazing over the Lake, Mountains, Oceans, Plains, and Valleys. The Energy pouring from Goddess Spirit and the Energy pulling up from Mother Earth, Pachamama, coursing through my body: Here is my story!

I was once a young Sapling, Tender, Fragile, Untested, Grown from Seed in a Hot House, protected from the outside world. A Tree Farmer took me and Planted me in His Field of Knowing. He Dug the Hole, He Fertilized with His Sperm, His knowledge, His Water. I did not like the Taste of This Field, but didn't know there were Different Fields.

I Grew~~
But if a Branch Grew not to His Liking, He Cut off the Branch leaving an Open Wound in my Bark.

I Grew~~
More Painful Pruning, more His Fertilizer, more His Knowledge.

I Grew~~ I Questioned~~ I Wondered~~

My Roots went Deep~~~ Deep into Pachamama~~~~I FOUND HER! 

As I Soaked in Her Water, Her Nutrients, I also Soaked in Her Wisdom and Knowledge. When He Pruned, two Branches Grew in its place; branches returned from the Old Wounds. Sister Sun and Grandmother Moon poured Energy into my Crown.

I Knew~~~~

One Day I KNEW I could leave His Forest and like the ENTS, I pulled up my Deep Roots and left; left His Forest, His Fertilization, His Knowledge and Action of Destruction, Harm, Power and Control.

New Forests of Pachamama awaited my Arrival. Planted where I now did my Own Pruning if needed, Drank Deeply from Water Goddess.
And I Grew Tall, Strong, Regal, Rooted in the Truth of the Divine Female, the Earth Mamma, of all the Ancient ones! 


Blessed be!