Wednesday, August 29, 2012
Where have the past 60 years gone?
And I see that the best thing about getting older is the gift of looking back over the past and "seeing" what the journey looks like from this future place. I am able to "see" those forks in the road where I took the one least traveled and the one everyone else was following. I can "see" the potholes I avoided and the ones I fell right into thinking I could jump right over the danger and instead fell right into the muck and mud! I can "hear" the laughter and I can "see" the tears! I know the ups and the downs of being a child, a teen, a young adult, a wife, a mom, a social worker, a daughter, a sister, a friend, a fan, an employee, a spiritual person, a woman, a single woman in aging years. I know what it feels like to be disappointed, to feel guilty, to forgive and to be forgiven, to love and to be loved, to fight for what is right and to disown that which is wrong. I am a child of the 60's who has yet to give up the fight for equality, fairness, peace and love! I am a child of the 60's who still believes in the deepest chambers of my heart and soul that we are one step away from the Age of Aquarius! I am a child of the 60's who has not sold out and doesn't plan on it any time soon.
Most people look back over their life at this point and feel they still have so much to do; that their lives have been empty and they need to make major changes. But I realized this week and this is not the case for me. I can't image "doing" or "being" anything else than I was and am. Oh, there are many times I wish I had chosen another man to marry, I wish I had divorced earlier, and I wish that he wouldn't have done the damage that he did to me and to my children. But regrets only create stumbling blocks to my further enlightenment and preparation for what lies ahead.
I was a social worker for 33 years! Over half of my life was spent in direct service to hurting families and children. And I must say I was a damn excellent social worker. I helped an incredible number of people improve their lives. It was an honor to travel journeys with people that others wouldn't give the time of day! I have seen things that no one should ever have to experience or have to see. The stories I have lived with others are unimaginable even in the best horror movies. And yet, I knew I was "home" when I was working with children and families. It was both a blessing and a burden, but one I knew I had no choice but to do! But in the long run, I was changed by each and everyone who I was able to travel with. And I loved every minute of it! And so, now when someone asks me to do volunteer work, I no longer feel guilty when I say, "no, not now, sorry!"
And I have been a mom for over half my life too. My oldest son, getting ready to turn 32 and my daughter 29! Boy did those years go by fast. I love being a mom despite the fact that I didn't always make the best decisions. I tried my best and really now "see" that no matter where I am in life, no matter what I contributed to creating, no matter what is happening, I am always doing the best I can with the understanding, awareness, and knowledge that I have until I can find a better way to handle the situation." Regrets are the stumbling blocks that keep me from appreciating the good that came out of an otherwise unfortunate decision to marry the man I did. The good= David and Stephanie!
A child of the 60's turns 60 tomorrow! There are lots of us who are already well into their 60's and some who are on the cusp! But I am so very thankful I was chosen to be born in 1952 and was a teen/young adult during those late 60/early 70 years! I "see" that all that I have done, have said, and become has been as a direct result of living through those times and embracing them as my Truth! But that is not all! My children formed me, each person I encountered formed me and the Spiritual Path I have traveled has formed me.
I have completed the task that I was sent to do! That is my realization. Now, I will spend the rest of my journey being a Voice of Wisdom for anyone who wants to listen! I don't have a "task" now....I have freedom! I have Freedom to stop and smell the roses any damn time I want to! I can go to work or not! I can wear that damn purple hat that was so popular years ago and I can fart in public!
And I can chose not to wear makeup, let my hair grow and eat chocolate with every meal and in-between (which I have been doing for a long time already)! I can laugh at the way I forget important things (like clocking into work) and I can smile as rub my back and my hips when they ache. And I can embrace this new journey into my Crone years!
But you know what? When I look in the mirror I still see that skinny, blonde girl with flowers in her hair, peace earrings, colored glasses and bell bottom jeans! I still "see" that heart that loves all people no matter what and who "sees" a world where all are equal, all are supported, resources are spread equally, and there are no wars! And I guess as I begin my 60th year, I am still her!!!!!! And that I am most grateful for!
Happy Birthday to me!