Sunday, May 11, 2014

The Last Cleansing! Done and Done!

So, you know in the movies where the abused woman lays in bed plotting how she is going to kill her abuser? Well, I have been doing this same thing for the past 2 weeks, but in this case the abuser happens to be the Christian Tradition and all Patriarchal Religions for that matter.

You see, after I retired I decided to go to a Christian Seminary (at the time I was still very enmeshed in that Tradition although not really; that being a story for another time). It was two years of hell where I graduated with a Masters of Religion even tho' as I received my diploma I was sure what they wanted to do was burn me at the stake. For the last year, there were murmurings that I was indeed a witch; working with the devil. This dark door was the beginning of my actual realization that I could no longer live the lies, the betrayal, the misogynistic attitudes and hatred spewed by those who thought they were speaking directly through the Divine.

Yes I eventually left the Tradition and totally embraced my Truth! But there was always this nagging thought that something was still left to be done. Two weeks ago I was on a cleaning spree and that included going through every thing piled up on the shelves in my walk in closet. There it was! The Christian Theology Book we used for the one year of "true hell class" taught by a author of said book, named Dr. Yeago. He was a very very scarey man and I cringed every time I had to sit in his class.

So there was the books of lies, of hatred, of all the things I found so upsetting since I was a teen, fighting against the very church that I did in fact find some love with. I opened the pages and a burning set forth in my hands. I knew the page I had to get to, but had to leaf through all the pages to find it (I could remember how the words sat on the page, here 6 years later, but not the page number). There is was; all highlighted with question marks all around it. This was the point in the class where I took issue openingly with this man.

In a nut shell the teaching was about the use of "Father" especially in the Lord's Prayer. He put in a paragraph that acknowledged that for many women it is hard to use this word due to abuses by their Father or father figure. BUT we as Pastors cannot ALLOW them to use Mother or not say the word Father at all. It is up to use to teach them that they have a loving father in heaven who would never hurt them and that it is inappropriate and wrong to call Father anything else...and on and on and on.

I was infuriated and took issue with this writing, putting on my social worker feminist mental health" hat. He put me in my place very firmly and that was that. But the fuming never left and so for the past 2 weeks I have laid in bed and thought about how in fact I was going to finally kill this abuser in ceremony.

Today had to be the day! Sunday; Mother's Day! And oh how right it was! So, I want to take you with me on the Journey of the Last Cleansing!

I began the day with pulling a Tarot Card for my new pack and it was the Magician. I then looked at the Moon App I have on my phone and read that today was the day to deal with past karma and cleansing the past. I gathered my materials (6 pages from the book I tore out; sage; lighter) and off I went to the Lake.

The morning was very foggy but the greens were delicious and nourished me on my walk to the Lake. I wished Mother Earth a Happy Mother's Day and told Her what I was doing and I could hear her chuckle as She knows all before we do!

As I arrived at the Lake a woman and her dog were leaving. She looked at me funny and then I realized I was wearing my WITCH T-shirt. Didn't plan that. As she was leaving she called out to her dog "Come Dehlia". I then chucked! Dehlia: one of the really Bad Girls of the Hebrew Bible; she is the one who cut off Samson's hair; ridding him of his strength! How appropriate!

The Lake was the image of Avalon! Another affirmation of my Path. The Mists of Avalon was the book that finally set forth the Journey to my Truth! The fog set like a cloak over me and it was as if it was just me and the work I had to do! And funny, but no one came to the Lake while I was there.

I saged myself and the area around the fire pit. I sang an ancient language that I did not know and don't know what it meant and I danced around the fire pit!

I chose the pages carefully in the order I thought were most symbolic of the hatred and lies of the Christian Tradition/Church. This was the first and as it burned I denounced all that I had been taught; all that was being taught and would be taught. I spoke of the hatred the church had for homosexuals, for the poor, for other religions and people who did not look like them. I then added the next page and the next page, but saved for last the page about Father language. I cursed my last pastor who destroyed lives with his homophobic language and misogynistic views. His horrible sermons against a woman's right to choose reminding them that they must come for confession if they had had an abortion (this was a lutheran church not catholic) and ask the "Father" to forgive them so they could be clean again. I cursed those who perpetrated upon innocent children. And I denounced the power and control of ALL the patriarchal religions who act just alike; stealing innocent girls for the sex trade and in the name of god buy these same girls.

As the burning was finished I lit sage on top and gave thanks for the coming of the Time of the Goddess of Love and Life! I cleansed the words written here and what was left in the 1000 page book, which I took and threw in the dumpster! I saged for all those who have suffered great damage at the hands of all the patriarchal religions, me being one of them.

And then I danced once again around the fire pit again ancient words coming out of my mouth that I did not recognize. And out of the mist came this:

A sweet family of mallard ducks swimming and singing there amazing song. I stood in honor of the message from Mother. All was right with Her world and mine! Here was the symbol of New Birth; of what was important. All the rules and doctrine and dogma and power and control hurt and stigmatize people. And here was the beauty of love and peace and joy. Just a simple mallard family swimming along taking care of each other. One adult in the front and one in the back and the vulnerable in the middle. It was perfect!

I then took a stick and pushed the ashes into the fire pit with the other trash there. And I added another sage stick and stood until it burned out and it was done. And it was right and perfect.

I, as others, will always carry the wounds of the patriarchal message of hate clothed in a message of love. I will carry the wounds of a pastor who told me I had to stay in an abusive marriage because I had made a promise before god to stay there in sickness and health until death do us part. I finally, without the blessing of the church; left the marriage cause I was laying in bed every night planning how to kill the man who lay beside me and he wasn't worth going to jail over.

I will continue to speak out against these religions, but I now do it from a different place. I do it from a place of release from the bondage and brainwashing. I do it from a heart that loves all that Mother has given us! I do it from a heart that loves all of creation and does not want to see anything or anyone hurt again.

May our Journey be full of Love and Light; Paths that are not straight and sometimes muddy; and may we always have the Heart of Mother and our Sisters as we take up our Walking Sticks and Journey on! Love and Peace!

Blessed be! 


  1. What a beautiful ceremony and cleansing Sis. Gorgeous pics too. Now you can be completely cleansed of the pain that was inflicted on you! Love you much!! Autumn

  2. Thank you so much Autumn for always being with me in my ceremonies and for reading my blog! I love you too and sometimes don't know how I lived without you in my life! Hugs and love!

  3. fabulous way to release and move forward!!! let it go,,,,, let it go!!! i release all past patriarchal bullcrap from myself and my sisters!!! off to bask in the light of the divine goddess!!!

    1. thank you my lovely sister! I could feel your spirit with me as I did the ceremony! May we all be released from the chains of these damaging messages! Blessed be and much love!

  4. I feel cleansed just reading of your journey. You speak so many truths Sunshine. What a perfect Mother's Day celebration. The pictures of the foggy lake, the fire, the green earth took me to a place of true healing.

    1. Cheryl, your words are always affirming and full of love. I am so happy you felt cleansed too. These patriarchal religions have done and are doing so much damage especially to women that my heart about grieves out of my body. Thank you for being on this journey with me! Love and Light!