Saturday, October 27, 2012

I am a Worrier!

Yep, I will admit it publicly; I AM A WORRIER! I have always been a WORRIER and it is something I try very hard not to do, but I do! In fact, I have anxiety because I am such a worrier. I worry about my health in particular. Recently I was telling my Mom this and she said, "Oh yes, honey, as a child every little scratch you got was a major 'need to go to the hospital' event!? (So, I am finding this information out just now at age 60 why?) I have tried so hard to do all the things I know to do: "don't worry!" "think about something else!" "meditate" and "trust in God!"

When I get these anxiety health attacks (like the one I am in right now about a place on my leg) I become obsessed with thinking about it, looking at it, etc. What I don't do tho' is look it up on the internet...oh god no! I would be out of my mind then! It is very irritating let me tell you! I even take Cymbalta to help with this anxiety.

Now really, I am a very healthy woman! Yep, I have had double bypass surgery and each 6 months the cardiologist gives me a clean bill of health. Yep, I have had a hysterectomy due to fibroids and I have now had three skin cancers, but other than that most of my health issues are fairly minor compared to others. Which then makes me feel GUILTY (I love the way these two go hand in hand!) when I begin to think about others who are dealing with other terrible health issues on a daily basis.

So, this is my chance to just say: I am a WORRIER and I don't like it. Sometimes I think it is all about the unknown. Once I find out what this is on my leg, I go into "fix it" mode. I usually don't even freak out much between that time and the time it is taken care of (well, minus the month wait I had to have my blocked heart arteries bypassed....I was a basket case then!!!), but then again maybe I do!

What I know is that I realize that much energy is expended while in this worry/obsession place. The harder I try not to worry the worse it becomes. So, I thought it was time to just put it out there and say it openly and honestly!

I am not sure if this is some lesson I need to learn during this lifetime or just a wacky misfire in the brain neurons, but it stinks!

Or: wait for it: I have a very hard time when my body reminds me that I am more fragile than I want to believe or even show others. Or: and this is even more like it I think: I have a real issue with things that break! And if I can't count on my body to not break then what can I count on. Or: are you ready: here it comes>>>>>>> maybe I am just a WORRIER and if that is the worse thing about me then, hell, I am in pretty good shape really!

So if you are a WORRIER too, then join the club. I think there are probably lots of us out there; silently struggling; silently thinking about what this growth is on our leg or silently thinking about what complications come with the new diagnosis of Diabetes or arthritis or lupus or heart disease or even the dreaded word: cancer!

So that's it! Thanks for listening! And don't worry, I will let you know when I find out what is on my leg! Now get back to your own worrying!

Blessed be!




2 comments:

  1. all is well sweet sistar!! it really is!!! ♥ u!!

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    1. Yes! you are so right! I will tell the worry side of me that! thanks for your love and support!!!!!!

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