Wednesday, May 1, 2013

A Mourning Howl!

My son turned 32 on April 24th! He has suffered with Borderline Personality Disorder since his teens although he didn't have a diagnosis until he was 25. He has had his share of depression, suicidal thoughts, disappointment, abuse, dark times, lost jobs, divorce and a sense of failure. He hates that he was ever born, but yet continues to walk on this Earth. I am not sure I would have the same fortitude to live through those horrible dark times and then come out of it only to face another one.

Well, the week before his birthday this year he went into a very very dark depression; quit his job; didn't shower or get out of bed for over a week (he lives with his dad).

Anyway, this was the first time that I was not going to talk to him on the day of his birth. But I understood even tho' it made me a bit sad.

So this is the story I want to tell you!

I was sitting on the balcony reading that morning. The air was cool and there was an incredible silence permeating the apartment complex (it was Sunday). David was born at 10:50 am and I usually call both of my kids at the exact time of their birth, but I knew I could not call David. So I began to talk to Goddess; to tell her how sorry I was for choosing his father; how I wish I could take away this life and give him another one to live; how I so didn't dream of this life for him as I held him in my arms the first time in the hospital. Nope, I did not check "mental illness" on the list of hopes and dreams for my son!

I sat there and closed my eyes and imagined my son laying in his dark place; grieving the day he was born; grieving his life; giving his past, present and future!

And all of a sudden; a dog in the complex began to howl. You know that lonesome; mourning howl of a dog who is missing his owners or is lost. I looked at the clock and it was EXACTLY 10:50am! The exact time of his birth. This dog (I could not see him) continued this mournful howl for a few minutes and then it stopped as abruptly as it began! I had never heard this before and haven't heard it since.

I began to cry. I knew this was the cry of my son! I knew it was the cry of the Universe and the Goddess for this lost soul I brought into the world 32 years ago!

It permeated my very soul! It was the saddest thing I had ever heard!

So that's the story.

I needed to share it and this seemed a good time being Beltane and all!

Blessed be and much love!


  1. there are no mistakes here deer one...we all choose...even before incarnation...I affirm his wellness...and your release!! aho!!

    1. Thank you so much my amazing sister! Love you!

  2. I can so relate this to my own experiences with a mentally challenged child. I hope your son will accept the offerings of healing and calming from this old witch. I also hope that you understand that we all are given a set of challenges that we are supposed to overcome in our lives. I, see, your son, is handling these challenges the best he can, with the best of his abilities, right now. I pray, that the Goddess Quan Yin, will come to him and heal his mind and spirit. I pray that Sekamet, the strength and rage of the Pharoahs, will give him strength and endurance to continue to recognize the challenges and to conquer them. I pray to Isis, to come to you as the mother and give you comfort and peace, as only a mother can.

    Much love and care, m

    1. Mindy, what a blessing you are! I thank you for understanding and your prayers to such powerful and amazing Goddesses! I stand with you in these prayers and prayers for your own child! Blessed be and much love!