Sunday, May 12, 2013

Ode to Daughters

I always wanted to be a Mom. As a young girl I dreamed of adopting all the unwanted kids in the world (not surprising I ended up in social work, huh?). I was the first of 5 siblings and took care of the last two as if they were my very own (I was 9 and 10 when they were born). I babysat, took care of the nursery at church, and generally was a caretaker at heart and in practice!

So when I became pregnant the first time imagine my surprise when I miscarried at 10 weeks. I was devastated. What would this mean? What did this mean? Would I ever be a Mom? Mother's Day was close to this miscarriage and I remember how sad I felt when the roses were given to all the Moms in the church service; the service that regaled Motherhood as the most important and crucial professional of all. I looked around  me and wondered how many others were feeling like me.

Then the next miscarriage came and I was sure this was my punishment for something I had done. Of course is would be another nail in my coffin of "not enough" but that is for another blog.

Why did I even want children? Was it worth going through all this heart ache over and over? Was I suppose to adopt? The doctor said, "you have an issue and it can be fixed."

I wanted children so they could be a part of bringing the Age of Aquarius into the world. I just knew MY children would do that; I would be a great mom! I would teach them how to love and care for the earth, each other and to help the downtrodden and those without a voice. I would teach them about God and how we all have a journey to travel that includes telling the story of ancient times.

And another Mother's Day came and went; along with all the fanfare at church and everywhere else I seemed to go before I finally was able to carry a child to term.

Holding my son in my arms was the most amazing thing I had ever done. And when my daughter was born 3 years later I thought my world and the world at large could never be so blessed!

And I stood with pride every Mother's Day at church to get that rose while so many other women were grieving in there pew or thought the whole thing was overrated since they never had any plans to be a mom.

The longer I was a social worker the more I became aware of another piece of the Mom puzzle. I realized that there were way too many women out there who had terrible abusive neglectful moms and in no way saw that "profession" as anything but pain and loss.

Now that I am 60 and my children are adults and I watch as they make decisions not to have children I wonder if they are not the wise ones. And I am not convinced that I was that great of a mom.

Not all women are nurturers and that is ok. Not all women want children or even like the ones they have. Not all women have moms that they want to regale and not all remember the moms who gave birth to them. And not all women even lived with their birth mothers at all.

But we are all Daughters! We are Daughters of the Goddess first and foremost and She will never abuse or neglect us! We are Daughters of the Garden! We are Daughters! So let us rejoice in that! It does not separate us; it binds us to each other like nothing else!

Aho and Blessed be!

1 comment:

  1. ♥ yes my sister!!! we are all children of the divine mother...nature!! <*)