Fractured Fairy Tale #2: The Willow Tree

Once Upon a Time a Gentle Girl sat under her favorite Willow Tree. She Loved how the Branches waved in the Breeze, how they fell Gracefully to the ground and how they Hid her from the World.

She was a Gentle Girl. Kind to Plants and Animals, she wouldn't even harm a Spider. She Cried for days when she saw her friends intentionally Destroy an Ant Hill and then stomp to Death those ants trying to get away.

Yes, she Loved her Willow Tree. She would lay under the Shelter of the Branches and Dream of Unicorns and Princes on White Stallions rescuing her from a Family where being Gentle and Kind was not the norm.

Thank goodness for the Respite of the Willow Tree!

One day after School, she ran Happily to the Willow Tree and it was gone! She stood in Disbelief gazing upon the bare Stump left by the Brutal Tree Killers.

And so Once Upon a Time a Gentle Girl turned Bitter and Angry. She Screamed her loudest Scream, and as she did the Skies Darkened and Thunder rolled and Lightening lit up the Skies. The Animals and Insects ran out of fear. Flowers Withered and Ponds dried up. And unfortunately the Great Sorrow and Ultimate Destruction of the Gentle Girl overshadowed the Message of the Willow Tree.

The Gentle Girl, now turned Bitter and Angry, could not Hear the Willow Tree say, "I had a Disease and had to be Cut back so I could Grow again. I am still your Refuge; I am still here for you; I am just Different right now!"

No, the Gentle Girl, turned Bitter and Angry, could not accept what she saw as Betrayal and was such a Mean Girl she was sent away to live with her Grandma.

Years later and Once Upon A Time, a Gentle Girl discovered the Willow Tree and Crawled under the Branches. The Willow Tree Breathed a Gentle Sigh and the Gentle Girl Dreamed of Unicorns and Princes on White Stallions.

The End!

Fractured Fairy Tale #1

Once Upon a Time in the Wee Hours of the Morning a Crone laid in her Bed Listening to the Darkness.

In the Wee Hours of the Morning before the sweet first rays of Sunlight; while the Stars were still Glittering in the Dark Skies; and while Creatures large and small were still sleeping; in those Wee Hours of the Morning a Crone Listens but no Sounds come.

Until....

Until She goes deep Inside and begins to open Doors of her Heart!

She walks through the first Door and Watches as her Mom, age 14, gives Birth to her in the Attic room of her Grandmother's Cottage by the Sea.

Only the Waves crashing against the Rocks and the Cry of an Owl announce the Arrival of a Baby Girl! The Crone's Mother did not make a sound, but shed a Tear for this Baby Girl and Herself; never to be connected again.

In the Wee Hours of the Morning the Crone closed Door 1 and Locked it.

Still no Sounds from the Darkness.

But a Vision appeared! A Cord, thick and Pulsating grew from her Naval Traveling to the Mother she never Knew; Connecting to the Naval of her Mother; traveling and Connecting to her Mother and her Mother and so on way into the Past.

Connecting All Women until ultimately Connecting to the Naval of the Goddess!

And the Crone Realized at that moment that the Sound of Darkness is the Lullaby sung by Mother Goddess.

In the Wee Hours of the Morning; the Crone Sleeps Listening to the Sound of her own Heartbeat: The Lullaby of the Goddess!

Blessed be!

"You think I'm done?" said Gaia!

So as much as I wanted to just hang out in the AC this morning I was guilted into putting on my tennis shoes and going for a walk. A very dear friend of mine, Riley, responded to my whine on facebook saying, "Go for your walk. You might hear something."

So for a walk I went. I decided that I would just walk the path to the Lake for 30 minutes since it was almost totally in the shade. It became like a Labyrinth and my kinetic meditation took over as I walked over and over a path that is very familiar.

The first thing that caught my eye as I was rounding the bend about 5 minutes into my walk was this:

I remembered that for so long this had been a dead branch just sticking up in the ground and now there was a shoot of growth from her side!

I walked on and before I realized it my eyes were drawn to:

I was called to pause and study this small pine tree trying to grow between the hard stones firmly embedded in the soil.

As I walked I remembered being in Iceland and walking on the Lava Field and there nestled in a hole in the hard lava was a sweet beautiful flower.

Gaia said,

"You think I'm done?"

"I am never ever done!"

"I am never ever done with anything I create!"

"And that includes my precious human children!"

As children of the Creatress we loose sight of that fact. We question if there is anything else left for us to do. We become disabled and wonder how our New Normal could be anything but devastating. We loose our job, our home, and our animals and we can not imagine that anything new or different will come out of it all.

Goddess is never ever done. She has the power to bring new life out of that which seems dead and hard and dry. She has the magic to blossom within a lava field, out the side of a dead branch and pushing up throw a stone garden!

She will do amazing things with all of her children if we are but open to her seeds, her water and her nutrients! She has much left to do with each of us!

Blessed be!

The rest of the Story

In my Vision with the Goddess, she told me I would be entering into the suffering of a certain family to end the paternal lineage of a genetic makeup full of emotional, sexual, and physical abuse of others.

She also assured me my life would be "doing good for others."

Goddess sent me into this Mission with gifts to enter the suffering of the Many, not just this one family. And she blessed me with the Gift of not seeing it as a Burden, but as a true Calling. I love "helping" others. And I do it well.

Goddess chose a family of origin for me where I would be the oldest. She chose a family where I would be raised with a sense of purpose and with a knowing of "helping the neighbor while loving the neighbor," Unbeknownst to me I was being prepared to enter social work as a career and to fulfill my main purpose of entering the marriage family.

But I was very different from my family of origin. I have always been the "black sheep" of the family but known for my outreach to those without a voice, those marginalized, those who live in their own suffering world. But as I was entering the suffering lives of others I was living my own suffering life in order to complete my mission.

After 30 years, Goddess told me my part of the Mission was complete and I was able to leave the marriage family.

But I have not stopped "helping others." That my friends is the Biggest Gift and Mission of this Life Journey!

I have laid to rest the Mission of ending a patriarchal line of abuse. My heart grieves of the choices made and the disease had by all those men and for the impact their choices and disease had on their wives and children. My heart cries for all the lost opportunities of health as these men chose not to acknowledge their illness which meant not getting help. But that I could not change nor was I asked to do that.

Balance called me to make a major impact in the lives of others!

I often wondered how I could be so successful in the lives of those I entered while a social worker, or the lives of hurting friends, family and co workers; and yet be so unsuccessful in my marriage family. But now I understand.

I have had a good life. Sometimes the married life has overshadowed the rest of my life, but now it no longer does. I will always revisit those 30+ years to look at lessons learned and rejoice in the birth of my children! I love them both so very much!

And I will continue my Path of being honored when Another invites me into their Life! That my friend is the biggest Honor of All!

Blessed be!

Anything is possible~~~~right?

I believe that anything is possible.
So I wasn't surprised when I had a very clear Vision on my walk yesterday.

I was thinking about my life as I walked. I was thinking how I agreed to marry the man I did, not knowing what I was getting myself into. I thought about how I made the decisions to have children with this man and then watched at how this man's choices caused such emotional damage. Then I watched as my son began to manifest his mental illness and honored his choice to end the patriarchal line by having a vasectomy. He is the last of this line of mentally ill, addicted men!

So as I was walking I had this Vision:
I saw my Self standing before the Goddess before I was born.
She said she had a very important job for me, but wanted to tell me that it would not be pleasant, it would be full of heart break and heart ache, but there would be good I would do!
My Self said Yes!

I wonder if it is possible that our Selves are asked sometimes to go on a mission to help end or begin something deemed important by the Goddess.

As I walked I saw Goddess hand Me my Journey Papers! This Journey was to put an end to the Patriarchal Mental Illness of this particular family. It meant I had to marry into the family and have a son who could end the gene pool that had hurt so many people for so very long of a time.

I agreed to sacrifice my own happiness for the good of future generations.

I did just that! I accomplished my mission for this lifetime.

I often wonder if this is something that could have actually happened or if it just helps me make sense out of my life. To make sense out of "why me, why my son, why my daughter?"

I don't believe in random visions, so I honor this for what it is. I also honor the life I have led and will continue to live; loving my Self, my son and my daughter!

Yes, I have made some pretty amazing differences in the lives of so many and for that I am grateful. I am also grateful for those who have touched my life and made this mission more tolerable!

May we all embrace our Journeys; knowing we may never know "why me?" But trusting that Goddess knows!

Blessed be and much Love!

IMAGE

I work part time for a Sports Products Distribution company. I work at the corporate center and included in the employment package is full access to the state of the art gym (right in the middle of the office building) and a personal trainer.

All around the the building and on all the correspondence is the word IMAGE!

IMAGE to our Customers!
IMAGE to our Vendors!
IMAGE to our employees!

Most of the men and women who work for this company go to the gym almost every day and also purchase and take the supplements that are distributed to customers (both individual, mom and pop shops and big businesses).

So it wasn't a surprise that I had a conversation with a woman who is 25 years old at the water fountain this afternoon about IMAGE!

This young woman is really pretty, a graduate from an esteemed university where she played softball. She has long blonde hair, gorgeous blue eyes and a cute body! Her personality is terrific too!

She was fixing a protein drink and shaking the container when I walked up to talk to her. She told me that she had been to the gym and was now having this protein drink. She then went on to talk about how she was upset that no matter what she did, she cannot loose the small woman pouch on her abdomen and the little bit of puff at the hips.

I almost laughed out loud until I realized how serious she was. I slowly began to tell her why we have these "pouches" and her response was, "well, not now! I want a flat stomach and no padded hips!" I felt so sad for her at that exact moment! I felt sad that she was so unhappy with her body and especially those parts that speak of womanhood!

And then I realized that this company is very much about IMAGE which is very different from HEALTH!

This young woman is very healthy. She has a great job, a boyfriend who works and cares for her and she is very cute by society standards and is so much fun to be around! And yet, she is very very unhappy with her body.

I can assure you that the personal trainer who happens to be a man is doing all he can to get that "belly" and those "padded hips" off this young lady so she can be more attractive, not more healthy!

Oh this personal trainer preaches "health"; writes emails about it; but when you go into the gym he is in my terms berating the people he is training. He is yelling about body image; he yells about not working hard enough which translates into "you are not good enough the way you are!"

Yes, I know that people are motivated by this, but omg....needless to say I am sticking to my daily walk outside and will not be joining this IMAGE of work out! I am sure he thinks all kinds of things when I walk by with my "baby belly" and "padded hips"! Of course maybe he doesn't notice since I am not in there wearing spandex and tank tops.

Anyway, I tried the best I could to plant a few seeds about loving our female body; I tried to point out calmly that being healthy and "being fit" don't always mean the same thing; I tried to be supportive and yet I could see she was in no way desiring to follow me on this journey.

But of course, I remember being a teen and young adult and hating my small breasts and my overbite and my thin hair, etc etc! I didn't have breast implants thank Goddess but I did do something about my overbite which really didn't make me a different person at all!

I have learned to embrace the body I have. I have learned to eat healthy not so I can get rid of anything or be pencil thin but because I love this body and I want to care for it as long as I am walking in the Garden!

I wish this young woman and others like her in the world would do the same!

Blessed be! 

Ode to Daughters

I always wanted to be a Mom. As a young girl I dreamed of adopting all the unwanted kids in the world (not surprising I ended up in social work, huh?). I was the first of 5 siblings and took care of the last two as if they were my very own (I was 9 and 10 when they were born). I babysat, took care of the nursery at church, and generally was a caretaker at heart and in practice!

So when I became pregnant the first time imagine my surprise when I miscarried at 10 weeks. I was devastated. What would this mean? What did this mean? Would I ever be a Mom? Mother's Day was close to this miscarriage and I remember how sad I felt when the roses were given to all the Moms in the church service; the service that regaled Motherhood as the most important and crucial professional of all. I looked around  me and wondered how many others were feeling like me.

Then the next miscarriage came and I was sure this was my punishment for something I had done. Of course is would be another nail in my coffin of "not enough" but that is for another blog.

Why did I even want children? Was it worth going through all this heart ache over and over? Was I suppose to adopt? The doctor said, "you have an issue and it can be fixed."

I wanted children so they could be a part of bringing the Age of Aquarius into the world. I just knew MY children would do that; I would be a great mom! I would teach them how to love and care for the earth, each other and to help the downtrodden and those without a voice. I would teach them about God and how we all have a journey to travel that includes telling the story of ancient times.

And another Mother's Day came and went; along with all the fanfare at church and everywhere else I seemed to go before I finally was able to carry a child to term.

Holding my son in my arms was the most amazing thing I had ever done. And when my daughter was born 3 years later I thought my world and the world at large could never be so blessed!

And I stood with pride every Mother's Day at church to get that rose while so many other women were grieving in there pew or thought the whole thing was overrated since they never had any plans to be a mom.

The longer I was a social worker the more I became aware of another piece of the Mom puzzle. I realized that there were way too many women out there who had terrible abusive neglectful moms and in no way saw that "profession" as anything but pain and loss.

Now that I am 60 and my children are adults and I watch as they make decisions not to have children I wonder if they are not the wise ones. And I am not convinced that I was that great of a mom.

Not all women are nurturers and that is ok. Not all women want children or even like the ones they have. Not all women have moms that they want to regale and not all remember the moms who gave birth to them. And not all women even lived with their birth mothers at all.

But we are all Daughters! We are Daughters of the Goddess first and foremost and She will never abuse or neglect us! We are Daughters of the Garden! We are Daughters! So let us rejoice in that! It does not separate us; it binds us to each other like nothing else!

Aho and Blessed be!