Sunday, April 29, 2012

Actions Speak Louder than Words

We talk a lot in our family! Yep, even the men talk a lot. But as I have gotten older I realize that very few of us actually Listen. I am a good Listener but I talk a lot too. My mom Hijacks conversations. She probably could win the Nobel Prize for Hijacking Conversations if there was one. But we love her anyway even tho' it is very frustrating when I am trying to tell her something and need her to Listen and before I know it we are replaying something similar that happened to her at one time and my story gets forgotten.

But this blog post is not about trashing my mom! We all have mom stories, just like I am sure my kids do!

I had a revelation yesterday that will help me with my relationship with my Mom (and others) now that she knows I left the Christian Tradition and am a Pagan Witch. I need to do less talking and more acting! Since she is a Hijacker, she does not ask furthering questions or really any questions at all. She tells stories and they are mainly her stories! So when I told my parents a few weeks ago of this change, I knew that even tho' I asked them to ask me questions for clarification that it would never happen.

This week my mom called me and said this, "Well, remember the Mother/Daughter Lunch we attended at my church last Mothers Day? was, if you want to go with me again this year. Your sister is going, but I didn't know if you wanted to or not." I think I caught her off guard when I said, "Of course, we had a great time last year! I would love to go with you again." And I felt a bit of the ice break as our conversations have been quite stained on her part lately.

(my mom in the white shirt at last years luncheon)

Yesterday, mom and dad and I traveled 2 hours to celebrate my youngest sister's 50th birthday for the day! We stopped at McDonald's for breakfast as we began the trip. We always pray at meals even at restaurants and so after we opened our Egg McMuffins Mom looked at me, I bowed my head and she prayed. I could feel another ice chip falling! The conversation in the car was back to normal.

Oh, she never brought up or asked about my path (even tho' she found my magickal pagan Facebook site and then called my sister to say, "She never told us she was a Witch!" My sister suggested she ask me questions about what that means and mom said she would, but my sister and I both knew she wouldn't. And that is ok. We love her just the way she is and when my sister and I get frustrated with her Hijacking way of conversation we call each other and vent and then move on!

But what I learned this week is that I must "show" my mom that I am still the same loving daughter that I have always been. I must "show" her that what has changed is my Faith Walk and I still want to hear about hers and I still want to participate in things like the Mother/Daughter Luncheon even tho' it is held in a church. Actions will help my mom transverse this New Path of mine!

And it reminds me of a great Saint who I have always admired for so much: St. Francis of Assisi
 A quote is ascribed to him: "Preach the Gospel at all times. Use words if necessary!"

We forgot how much our Actions say about who we are and what our belief system is. Good or bad!

And so it will be with my Mom. She is 79 and I am not about to believe that I will change this annoying habit she has in her communication style. What will change is my understanding that I will go about my life as always! Talking, listening, reacting and acting! It will be hard for me who is a Teacher and Healer and so excited about my Faith Walk, but out of respect for this Woman who is entering her last journey in the Garden, who gave birth to me and raised me to be a loving, kind and compassion and giving person I will Act and use Words if necessary!

And really, it will sure help my TMJ....the jaw hurts a lot less when I only use words if necessary!

Blessed be!


  1. Great post Sister. We have mothers with the same communication style for sure. I think it's wonderful that you came "out" to them and that you are finding a way to assure her that you are willing to be a part of her path as well :) Wonderful! Love you!!

  2. sounds like a fabulous epiphany deer one.....i could so relate!!! we are so much more alike than we are and light to you on your path!! <*)

  3. Love, love, love this post!!!