Wednesday, March 13, 2013

Lesson Learned!

I laughingly tell people that I am a slow learner, but on some levels I honestly think I am. There has been a Lesson brewing in my life for awhile now, and finally Goddess threw everything She could at me to get my attention! I think one of the gifts of being 60 is that I don't seem to have the energy to fight against Her the way I use to and so, I finally learned a Lesson I have needed to learn for a very long time!

One of the archetypes that is strong in me is the Protector/Rescuer! This served me very well when I was a Child Abuse Social Worker and when my children were small, but what I never understood was that our archetypes are useful in some aspects of our lives, but damaging in others. I spent most of my adult life; living as the Protector/Rescuer!

What would my life have looked like if I had had a knowledgeable woman to teach me how to compartmentalize my archetypes? What would my life have looked like if I had not tried to protect my children from their father's pornography addiction while I was trying to protect his right to view whatever he wanted and leave it out for the kids to view? I too often confused loyalty and protection  with love. And I became paralyzed in too many situations as a result.

But what if I had had that Circle of Women to sit with and tell my story so they could have helped me understand how to acknowledge the different archetypes that embodied my very Person? How would my life have been different if I had even Known to put a name to how I was living every situation in  my life? Maybe, I would have made different decisions, and I believe I would not have been so tired.

It's tiring and draining living the life of the Protector/Rescuer!

So, the past few weeks, Goddess had enough and one trial after another came my way. I was yelling at my middle sister for how she has been treating our parents. I did the same with one of my brothers. I went to the head  manager at work and took on the role of protecting the staff I work with from their incompetent, irresponsible supervisor. And I am always fighting not jumping in an airplane and heading down to Florida to tell off my daughter's supervisor who treats her terribly.

And guess what? I began to complain about how tired I was and that my neck was hurting me and I woke up knowing I had been grinding my teeth (haven't done that in like 8 years!!!)

So, with the help of a wonderful sister I finally heard what I needed to hear. I finally understood and could name this archetype that I could say good bye to as the lens through which I view the world and every situation I encounter.

I realized I was trying so hard to be my sibling's conscience, hoping they would realize how they are "mistreating" our elderly parents (not abusive, just asking them to do things they really shouldn't be doing and not calling, etc.) Of course "mistreating" is my interpretation. And my parents have such a need to "be needed" and not "be old" that they say yes and then complain to me; I then take out after my siblings; and it is a vicious cycle. My parents are 80 years old and they have not lost their faculties and as such if they want to have to get out of bed at 10pm and let my brother's dog out across town, well then that is their right to do so.

So finally, thanks be to Goddess, and numerous sisters last week; I woke up! And it felt so good. And it was the New Moon; and I released this Archetype from the control I asked her to have over me all these years. I released her to be there when in fact something or someone needs to be rescued. And I realized that now I must learn to live my life welcoming the other archetypes who have been dying to come out and play!

I am a very good listener! So now is the time for me to listen through ears not ruled by Protector/Rescuer! This is the time for me to discern the difference between helping and enabling; and the difference between feedback and problem solving.

But I come back to the question: what would it have been like....
And then I get sad because I realize I wasn't that mother for my daughter when she was growing into her adulthood. But I did the best I could at the time and now I can model and help her see her different archetypes and invite which ever one is needed for each particular situation. I will have to learn this too!

And as a Crone I now can sit in Circle with other women and be that which I was so missing in my life! So that when another woman shares with me her struggles I will be able to look through eyes not with the understanding of only a Protector/Rescuer, but from a Whole Woman who is still on the Journey, but realizes I now have a lot more company!

This Life Journey is one Lesson after another, but I will say, there is comfort knowing this is one Lesson I now have down pat and won't have to experience in my next Life!

Now on to the next one! I hope it's not as hard!

Blessed be! 


  1. Replies
    1. Love you too Tess! Thank you for always being there for me!

  2. love those aha! moments!!! so freeing!! ♥

    1. You are amazing raven spirit song! Always such a wonderful friend and support. Thanks for reading and commenting on my posts. It means so much to me! <3

  3. Protector/Rescuer is a role so many women take on(and some men too) and part of our co-dependence at times. I too am a Protector/Rescuer, but FINALLY I have a partner who can be MY Protector/Guard Dog too. So I'm not the only one(and she's also in the social services field so does alot of caretaking on the job). I'm glad I'm NOT in that field, I'd find it utterly draining. She also is astounded when I'm NOT codependent to her, and don't give in, when I don't rescue everybody, because as women we've been so trained to do it. To others it looks selfish, but often it's taking care of OURSELVES and where we want to put our time and energy. And others will use that characteristic in us to drain us OF our time and energy because they don't have the energy to do it for themselves. They need to learn to, and not depend on US to rescue them, and to learn self-defense skills, whether physical, psychic, spiritual or emotional to take care of THEMSELVES and to stand up FOR themselves. I teach this as part of Amazon training, and most especially to my partner who as a Pisces and from her background has been codependent much of her life...she has come out stronger as a result.

    I've become more compassionate as a Leo...but still, it all comes down to strong boundaries, and to KNOW WHEN to step in, and WHEN NOT TO. And to enforce those boundaries if one must and to say "NO" at those times. Or "Not Now". Or "I'm not available for that."

    -In Sisterhood,

    1. FeistyAmazon your comments are always so wonderful! Thank you for sharing your walk with Protection/Rescue Archetype! I love learning from others like you! Thank you so much for reading my blog and sharing your thoughts! Namaste!

  4. As usual, this is a beautiful, insightful post. I'm just like you. I learned a few years back that "water thereapy" helps me when I start acting out the protecting/rescuing/preaching part of me. By water therepy, I mean, I call my Goddess girlfriends and they all come over and bring a bottle of wine and a pot luck and we swim in the pool and talk it all out. I call that the best therapy there could be. You are right. Sitting in a circle with women friends is top! (or floating around with them)

  5. Cheryl, you are so right about water therapy. I go to the Lake here, but don't swim in it! I can't imagine you without that pool where you and your Goddess girlfriends can be together. If you move you have to find a new place with a pool. Thank you for reading my blog and for commenting. It means so much to me! Love ou