Death and Decay

And Gaia said: "I have equipped you to leave the dying parts of your life where they died and let them decay in their own time. Sometimes, I must use this deadness as kindling for the passion that I ignite in you!"

I was taking a walk one day with my camera and I was stopped by this pile of brush. It was dead. Once a living bush, it was now dry, gray, and decomposing. I stopped and asked this pile of brush what had happened that it no longer was full of life and vitality. What caused it to die? 

It was almost like I could hear Gaia laughing. Kinda like She does so often in the wonderful book by P.C. Cast called Goddess of The Sea. And so I asked if She had something She wanted to teach me here in this place and of course She did. The quote above is what I heard Her say to me that day! 

I have a real knack for giving my dying parts, my sorrows, my grief and failures to Goddess and then in the next breath taking it back from Her. It's like I don't trust that She can take care of it or that She can take it to the dumpster for me. Nope, Me, all that I am can do a better job at getting rid of that which had died or is dying better than the Creatress HerSelf! 

The problem is, I don't! I don't leave it in the dumpster! I climb in and get all dirty again and come out smelling like cow manure. I just don't really want to let that which is done in or to me decay in it's own time. I want the power and control to decide when it is dead and dead! 

And yet, here in this place, Gaia was telling me to leave it be; just like She lets the dying and decaying brush just be knowing that in time, it will decompose and return to the earth. Or, if a lightning storm comes around She may use that to set fire to the brush or She might just open it up for business next Spring for a bird or two to nest there. 

It's the work of the Goddess! Not mine! And I looked back over much of my life standing there by that dead brush and saw those places where Goddess did in fact use the deadness in my life as kindling for the passion I needed for the next part of the Journey! 

She used the deadness I felt sitting in the Christian Church service to ignite the passion for me to seek and find my rightful path. And with that deadness came new Life; resurgence of Spirit and an openness to Her that has been Life Altering! 

Sometimes I must be willing to let the dead be dead. It's hard because what once was alive was so familiar and I knew how to navigate it whether it was healthy or unhealthy. It was familiar and the new is unfamiliar and scary and intimidating. Yet when I do! Wow! The results have been incredible! 

As such I am still a work in progress. Still learning how to give away to Goddess that which no longer lives in, with or through me! You'd think that I would want to do that, but alas it seems not! And Gaia laughs! Not at me but with me as I shake my head and wonder when I will get it. And Goddess patiently waits and loves that I am open to Gaia School of Learning! 

She Speaks!