Wednesday, March 28, 2012

My friend killed himself last week

The Wheel Turns.
But what happens when death comes before it's time?
Why do the good die and the bad stick around?

A good friend of mine took his life last week. On Saturday, he went to finish up paperwork at the job where he was recently let go due to downsizing. He had worked there a long time and this was unexpected. He lost his job at a time when he should have been celebrating with his family. His son will be graduating from college in 6 weeks; his daughter has her Senior Prom in two weeks and graduates from high school in June with plans to go to college. My friend lost his job and lost his life as his despair overwhelmed him.

What was going through is mind as he received the "pink slip" and realized that in 6 months the college loans would come due from his first born and he had his second child entering college in the fall? Did the vision of all these expenses get the best of him?

What was going through his mind as he left his home saying he was going to the office one last time and would be home in time to get ready for the symphony; date night with his wife of ever so long? They had been through so much in their marriage and traveled that journey with so much love and understanding.

What was going through his mind as he drove instead to that bridge over the river? Was he calculating how much money the insurance policies would give his family so their dreams could come true?

What was going through his head as he got out of the car and walked to the edge of the bridge and gazed down at the rushing river? How was it to make the decision to fall into the nourishing waters of Gaia?

There is something surreal about imagining my friend up on that bridge and jumping while his family was at home making preparations for life's wonderful and exciting transitions. There is also something soothing about knowing that as he fell into the rushing water that Goddess enveloped him into her watery world and said, "Come home, you who have been faithful, but can no longer walk this journey."

We will never know the answers to these questions of course. He left no note or last phone call. He had to do what he had to do. The family is devastated and is in shock. They will bury him on Friday. And the daughter will go to Prom without her dad to tell her what a beautiful princess she is and his son will graduate college and not have his dad there to cheer him on. His wife sleeps alone in a bed that was once shared by lovers taking one day at a time.

But the day came when the darkness was too great for my friend and he had to jump. I don't believe that he will be punished for this action in the after life and I hope his family doesn't either. I believe that Goddess was there to walk him to Her place of healing, love and light. And She will be there to walk with his wife and children as their darkness turns back into light; however long that may be.

But there is a lingering question that I have, that I always seem to have when someone who has been so good and kind and faithful and supportive and giving and loving dies before their life is complete. The question is why? Why them and not someone who does evil things? Why does the man who abused his kids and still does in their adulthood get to walk the earth and yet my friend decided he could not? Why?

Other unanswered questions in a world that seems so unfair.

And yet the Wheel Turns.
Death comes.
And we continue to walk the path laid out before us until our Wheel Turns from Life to Death.

I pray from this family. It will be a long haul as they move to their New Normal. I am sad for them and sad that I am not living close to them any longer. All I have is the written word right now and that will have to be enough! Blessings on them and others who find themselves in this Land of Questions.

Blessed be!


  1. Namaste. Prayers for this family.

  2. sending love, healing and light to all....

  3. Reading this made me cry for all the sorrow being felt in what action took place and like you I question the reasoning! I pray for the family for strength and peace as they go ahead in their future. I pray for the man who lost his life that the Goddess hold him in her loving arms and guide him into Summerland!! And I pray fro you that you find peace and comfort. ..-Winter Arwen EveningStar

  4. Wow this really touched me. I woke up on the wrong side of the bed this morning. Bill collectors on the phone, no stable income to count on and two young children to provide for. For a moment a cold fear overcame me as I got off the phone with the bill collector and he said I was in serious problems. I thought to myself "I'm about to lose everything I have worked for, my home, everything!"

    But as I got up and walked to the bathroom and looked in the mirror I thought to myself "they are only things." I still have my family and it all can be acquired again just like it can all be lost in a moments noticed. It helped me to be thankful for what I have and not fret over what might be lost. This blog although extremely sad reminded me of the dangers of losing sight and thinking money is more important than being around for your family.

    I’m sure his family will miss him terribly. I wish his soul peace and peace for his family as well. I can only imagine the fear he must have felt for his family to drive him to end his life. I’m sure he was doing what he thought would be the most beneficial. Thank you for sharing this.