Thursday, March 15, 2012

The Monk in Me

There was a time oh not so long ago when I knew the Monk in Me! I was so close to God/Jesus that I could taste him, feel him and hear him. The only thing I wanted to do was to worship him, speak about him , sing about him and imagine myself in his loving arms! He was my love story. But the fact was I had a love/hate relationship with the idea of this God; the God that the Church said was the only God. I fought like heck to understand all this about original sin; about our need to have God send HimSelf to Earth so He could die; so He could then look on us poor pitiful humans with some sort of love and enjoyment. I entered the drama of Lent and Holy Week as I grieved for this Man God who HAD to be tortured, beaten and crucified because I was such an awful person! And in the depths of my very heart and soul I could hear Her Whispers! I could hear Goddess calling my name!

I knew my path was different, but I tried to make it the same as all the other Christians. Oh I was so incredibly involved in this Church of the Male God of Judgement and Anger and Hate. But this wasn't the Jesus I knew. It couldn't be. But I was told that they were the same. And so I believed. But then an amazing thing happened. Goddess spoke to me in a loud and clear voice. She spoke to me and chains began to break. It was a slow process. Kinda scary opening up enough to believe something that could mean you were going to hell. Oh yes, that hell that the Church uses for power and control. What if I'm wrong? What if leaving this Tradition means I will not be saved and will burn in hell forever? What if I'm wrong?

And that is where I began. Did I believe in a God who would damn me if I believed in something different? Did I believe in a loving God or a damning God? That's where I had to start. And Goddess called my name! She began to put Voice to the hunger in my heart to know a Divine Being Who looked like Me! She began to put Voice to the desire to know the Divine who held us each responsible for our own behaviors and actions and not on some mythical story of Adam and Eve and how "we are in bondage to sin and cannot free ourselves."

The journey was long coming and had really begun when I was in my teens. (One of the gifts of growing older is the ability to look back and begin to see the puzzle pieces fit together!). And I still have so far to go.

I use to know the Monk in Me!

Now I know the Goddess in Me! I walk among Gaia's Garden and Her Voice teaches me, holds me, loves on me! I walk among Her Garden and see Life and Death and the Wheel turning and changing! I walk among  Her Garden and I know I believe in a loving Goddess Who enjoys Her Creations all the time and wants us to do the same. 

This Monk in Me was a necessary part of the journey. For awhile I resented the Monk, but now I can say thank you; thank you for teaching me to question, to search and to desire a relationship with the Divine in a way that embraces ALL people, all creatures, all religions and beliefs or non beliefs in a loving and understanding manner.

But now the Goddess in Me is open to new and wonderful understandings every moment I breathe. No longer being Told What to believe; no longer believing that I am a terrible person; no longer having a love/hate relationship with the Creatress! I belong to Her and no Other! But the forms She takes vary from day to day; moment to moment; year to year! That my dear friends, is refreshing and delightful!


1 comment:

  1. Beautiful and oh so familiar. Love that image. Looks like a SoulCollage card! :)