Saturday, May 31, 2014

The Goddess' Falcon!

I went to see Maleficent last night and have once again been changed by 98 minutes of watching a Disney film. I will not be giving away anything here, in fact I am not even going to say anything about the movie. What I will say is that it brought back a memory of a piece I had written in 2003, shortly after leaving my husband of 30 years. I was reading a Rumi poem, which I present 1st and it inspired my response to the story; My Story. I have revised it to use Goddess language as at that time I was still in the chains of the Patriarchal Church. In fact, it makes more sense to me now, changing the language and the ending. Blessed be! (Bob is the name of my ex-husband)

The King’s Falcon

The king had a noble falcon who wandered away one day,
and into the tent of an

old woman, who was making dumpling stew for her children,
“Who’s been taking care

of you?” she asked, quickly tying the falcon’s foot. She
clipped his wings and cut

his fierce talons and fed him straw. “Someone who doesn’t
know how to treat falcons,”

she answered herself, “but your mother knows!” Friend,
this kind of talk is a prison.

Don’t listen. The king spent all day looking for his
falcon, and came at sunset to

the tent and saw his fine raptor standing on a shelf in
the smoky steam of the old

woman’s cooking. “You left me for this?” The falcon
rubbed his wings against

the king’s hand, feeling wordlessly what was almost lost.
The falcon is like one who,

through grace, gets to sit close to the king, and so thinks
he’s on the same level as

the king. Then he turns his head for a moment and he’s in
the old woman’s tent. Don’t

feel special in the king’s presence. Be mannerly and
thankful and very humble. A

falcon is an image of that part of you that belongs to the
king. Once there was a blind

falcon who fell in with owls in a wilderness. They thought
he wanted to take over the ruin

they were living in. They tore his feathers. “Wait, I
have no interest in this

place. My home is the forearm of the king. “The owls
thought this was some kind

of bragging trick to distract them. “No! I don’t claim
to be like the king. I am

a ragged, blind falcon. All I can do is listen for
the king’s drum and

fly to the sound when I hear it. I am not of
the king’s species or genus,

but I have taken in some of the king’s light, the way
air is swept up into a fire,

the way water becomes plant. My ego has died into
the king’s being. I roll in

the dust at the feet of his horse. Don’t let this
blind-falcon form fool you.

I am really a delicious dessert that you should taste
now, you owls, before

I hear the drum again, because then I’ll be gone.

The Soul of Rumi by Coleman Barks  pg 66

The Goddess’ Eagle
My Story
(originally written 4-6-03; revised 05-31-14)

The Goddess had a noble Eagle who Wandered Away one Day, and into the Apartment of Bob. “Who’s been Taking Care of You?” he asked, quickly tying the Eagle’s Foot. He clipped Her Wings and cut Her Fierce Talons. “Someone who doesn’t Know how to Treat Eagles,” he answered himself, “but I Know! I will help you Reach your Potential and Find YourSelf!”

Friend, this kind of Talk is a Prison. Don’t Listen! Goddess spent All Day (years) looking for Her Eagle, and came at Sunset (my sunset) to that House and Saw Her Fine Eagle Standing on a Shelf in the Smoky Steam of Bob’s Cooking. “You left me for This?” The Eagle Rubbed Her Wings against the hand of the Goddess, Feeling Wordlessly What was Almost Lost!

The Eagle is like one who, through Grace, gets to sit close to the Goddess, and Knows She is on the Same Level of the Goddess. Then She turns her Head for a Moment and She’s back in Bob’s apartment.

Don’t feel Special in the Presence of the Goddess. Be mannerly and Thankful and Humble. An Eagle is an Image of that Part of You that Belongs to the Goddess; to Your Own Inner Female!

Then there was a Blind Eagle who Fell in with Owls in a Wilderness. They thought She wanted to Take over the ruin they were Living in. They Tore Her Feathers. “Wait I have No Interest in This Place. My Home is the Forearm of the Goddess."

The Owls thought this was some kind of Bragging Trick to Distract them. 

“No, I don’t claim to be the Goddess for I am a ragged, blind Eagle. All I can Do is Listen for the Goddess’ Drum and Fly to the Sound when I Hear it. I am of the Goddess’ species and I have Taken in Her Light the Way Air is Swept up into a Fire, the Way Water Becomes Plant. My Ego has Died into the being of Goddess. I roll in the Dust at the Feet of Her Horse and She Lifts me to Ride with Her. There I find My Voice! Don’t let this Blind Eagle Form Fool You!”

I am really a Delicious Dessert that you should Taste Now, you Owls, before I Hear the Drum again, because then I’ll be Gone. 

Pg 350 from Rumi:

The inner nature of the white falcon is strong and
Determined. Her anger builds,

And suddenly she pours the ladle of hot soup over his head.
Tears come from those beautiful

Falcon eyes. He remembers his former life, the king’s love
Whistle, the great circling

over the ocean, the distances that can condense so quickly
to a point. Falcon tears

are food for a true human being, perfume for Gabriel. Your
soul is the king’s falcon

who says, This old woman’s rage does not touch my glory
or my discipline. I must be

quiet now.

Deb’s Response:

The Inner Nature of the Eagle is Strong and Determined. Bob’s Anger Builds, and Suddenly he pours the Ladle of Hot Soup over Her Head.

Tears come From those Beautiful Eagle Eyes. She Remembers Her Former Life, the Love Whistle of the Goddess, the Circling over the Ocean, the Distances that Can Condense so Quickly to a Point.

Eagle Tears are Food for True Human Being, Perfume for the Goddess; Perfume for the Inner Female Voice.

Your Soul is the Goddess’ Eagle, who says, “Bob’s rage does not Touch My Glory or my Discipline.”

Fly I did and Fly I always Will!

This Woman’s Rage……

Will Never Ever be Quiet………..

Wednesday, May 28, 2014

False Evidence Appearing Real

This is a follow up to my last blog post about my family members being uneasy when they are on a plane with Middle Eastern looking people. I received a lot of comments both on the blog and on facebook and a few privately about me needing to understand where they are coming from and "the state of world." I appreciate all comments and conversation and never ever desire that every one think, believe or act the way that I do. But I still stand on my opinion of profiling and judgment.

I have been thinking a lot about these comments and then the mass murder spree happened this week. Another disturbed individual took it upon himself to act out his anger by taking a gun and mowing down people.

Goddess and I have had a lot to talk about this week.

Last Friday night, I was taking my parents home from eating dinner out for my Dad's 81st birthday. When we drove up, Mom noticed a medium sized snake on the sidewalk to the front door (we enter through the garage where the cars are parked). My Mom began yelling at my Dad to get the shovel and cut the snakes head off and Kill it. She was Terrified and we were still in the car. I told her that I would get it away and we were not Killing the snake. She began to Shake in Terror and argued until I could get her out of the car and into the house. I then asked Dad for the  water hose and we pushed the shake back into the forest away from the house without killing it. Mom was not happy with me at all that evening; terrified that the snake would come back.

When I got home I kinda laughed to myself. I imagined this snake being a scout, sent out by the terrorists snakes to see who was home so they could attack. Now, don't get me wrong, I totally understand being afraid of snakes, and I know this was a copperhead and given enough provocation could have struck and caused problems for each of us, BUT I began to wonder: Why is our first instinct to KILL the perceived "enemy"? Why? Because we can! We have the Power, the Control and the Entitlement to Kill the poor snake that was minding its own business not even understanding that it was trespassing on my parent's property. Thus, reason for Killing the intruder.

Ok, so what does this have to do with the follow up to my last blog post? I am getting to it.

As I was walking this morning I began to think about FEAR. I began to really think about how much we are all AFRAID these days. We are afraid we will get Cancer, lose our jobs, be blown up in a plane by a Middle Eastern looking man, be raped, have our homes foreclosed on, be vandalized, get Alzheimers, etc etc etc........

When I was a Christian, I believed there was this Satan who existed, and this Satan caused all the evil things to happen in the world. Heck, when my husband was at his worst I blamed Satan for getting inside of him instead of holding my ex responsible for his abusive behavior. Satan...evil....

Well, I no longer believe in this Satan, but I do understand that there is a Negative Force that permeates our lives and this morning on my walk I realized it is FEAR! We live Afraid! But we choose what to be afraid of. We choose it because we listen to what the Media tells us and what our Government tells us and what our Religion tells us and what our Medical professionals tell us, what our Talk Show Hosts tell us, we are to be afraid of.

And then because we are Human Beings; the most Powerful, the most Intelligent, the most Wonderful beings on the earth we use our sense of Power and Control and Entitlement to deal with our FEAR how ever we wish to do so. If that means cutting off the head of a snake minding its own business or shooting 7 women or blowing up airplanes or abusing children; then so be it. It is our right to do so because we are going to "get them before they get us"! It is our Right; we are entitled not to be afraid, to protect ourselves and our loved ones at all costs. But the funny thing is, we only become more Afraid.

FEAR to me is the great "evil" in the world. The young man who went on the shooting spree was AFRAID of the rejection and of never having a woman have sex with him. The 9/11 Terrorists were AFRAID of the power that this country wields. Men are AFRAID of loosing their Rightful Position of Power, the Church is AFRAID of those who don't think like them, etc etc etc.

It is FEAR....False Evidence Appearing Real....that keeps us in this mindset of "if every one had guns then when someone starts shooting we can shoot back." It is is FEAR!

And those in "Power" thrive on instilling that fear on the masses. The Church does it with the FEAR of Hell and Damnation. The Government does it with the FEAR of....oh you name it and they instill FEAR! Hey I remember being scared shitless as a child of the mean ol' Soviet Union. I got that FEAR because every few weeks we had bomb drills and we had to either get under our desks or sometimes we had to run home as fast as we could. I was so scared and I didn't even know who Mr. Russia was.

I choose not to be AFRAID! I choose not to be looking over my shoulder at every one trying to discern if they are a danger to me or not. Yes, I am alert. Yes, I am aware of my surroundings (I am a retired social worker for Goddess sakes....). Yes, I understand that there are people who make horrible choices that may in fact put me or one of my loved ones in danger. But I am also an intelligent woman. And just seeing a "Middle Eastern looking" man on a plane is no evidence that he is going to blow up the plane. And just seeing a snake on the side walk does not mean it will slither over as soon as I get out of the car just so it can bite me.

In this day and age of Mass Media; 24 hour news access and good ol' facebook we are never without something to be Afraid of. And that my friend is so very very sad. And I often wonder if a lot of our "mental illness" is just not the result of living in this Madness day after day after day!

So, I stand by my last blog post, that it is a sad statement that we live our lives in this way; Profiling and Judging and as a Result live in FEAR.

Take a step back and really look at what we are all Afraid of. We are Afraid of loosing Power and Control. That's what it is all about really! Cancer takes away our Control over life; the Terrorist takes away our Control of peaceful living; the Church takes away our Control over our own decisions in this lifetime; and the Government...well, that's a Blog for another Time!

Peace, Love and Not Being Afraid!

Tuesday, May 20, 2014

Really? Is this not 2014?

I promise not to Rant! I promise not to throw judgment! I promise not to make this a bigger deal than it is! Maybe!

Last week I was out with family members having dinner.  It was a nice time.

The conversation turned to a vacation that was recently taken and the story went something like this: As they were waiting for the doors of the plane to close, they noticed a "Middle Eastern Looking Man" leave his seat in the front and walk slowly to the back of the plane where he opened a compartment and then sat in an empty seat. They were aware of him because he looked Middle Eastern. Then another "Middle Eastern Looking Man" got up from the front; walked to the back; nodded to the other man and went into the bathroom. They wondered if they needed to report this suspicious behavior to anyone. I of course asked, "what suspicious behavior?" Well, that led to one of my relatives, who flies many times a week to say, "I am always nervous when a "Middle Eastern Looking Man" is on the same flight as I am. That led to others agreeing.

Of course, I was boiling inside, and really decided I was most assuredly adopted even tho' I look just like my parents.

So, very calmly I said, "Interesting, I too am nervous and cautious. But it is when a "White Male" gets on the plane since almost all of the "Terrorists type" attacks since 9/11 have been by White American Males."

I was ignored; cause you see I am the hippie, tree hugging, Gay and Black and Middle Eastern looking~~ loving, War hating, RadFeminist, probably Lesbian, pagan witch of the family. I am sure they all wish I was adopted!

What a sad sad conversation this was for me to listen to. Really? This is 2014 isn't it? We already fought to get rid of ethnic profiling and embrace equality of human beings way back in the old days of the 60/70's right?

Well, I must say we can do a lot of blaming. When I told this story to a young woman at work her comment was, "it's the media's fault!"

NO DAMN IT! It is NOT! It is our fault. We should know better.

But alas, it is the State of our Patriarchal Mindset that looks at everyone as the Enemy, unless they look, act, talk, and believe just like us and then you can't be too careful!

So, this was on my mind as I was shopping in Harris Teeter after work. I really wanted a piece of pizza for dinner. I have been so good with my eating of late and that sounded like a great way to cheat a bit.

Oh wait, sorry...I was thinking about this conversation when after getting my pizza I watched as the lady behind the counter threw two large pizzas into the trash can. They cannot sit out longer than 2 hours. Then they have to be thrown away.

I thought of all the hungry people right here in Charlotte NC. I thought about all the Muslims who just want to get on a plane and go to their destination. My nephew just wants to be in love with his boyfriend and not be harassed or denied a marriage license if they decide to get married. And me?

Well, I just want to see the Age of Aquarius before my life is over here on this Planet. And to that end I will continue to call out the lady in the salon who stopped watching HGTV because of all the gays and I will remind people that Catholic Priests and other Religious men have terrorized more children then the number of men who blew up the planes of 9/11. And I will do this until I take my last breathe.

But then again, I am a hippie-tree-hugging, Gay, Black, Middle Eastern looking~~ loving, RadFeminsit, War hating, pagan witch! Goddess I love being ME!

Sunday, May 11, 2014

The Last Cleansing! Done and Done!

So, you know in the movies where the abused woman lays in bed plotting how she is going to kill her abuser? Well, I have been doing this same thing for the past 2 weeks, but in this case the abuser happens to be the Christian Tradition and all Patriarchal Religions for that matter.

You see, after I retired I decided to go to a Christian Seminary (at the time I was still very enmeshed in that Tradition although not really; that being a story for another time). It was two years of hell where I graduated with a Masters of Religion even tho' as I received my diploma I was sure what they wanted to do was burn me at the stake. For the last year, there were murmurings that I was indeed a witch; working with the devil. This dark door was the beginning of my actual realization that I could no longer live the lies, the betrayal, the misogynistic attitudes and hatred spewed by those who thought they were speaking directly through the Divine.

Yes I eventually left the Tradition and totally embraced my Truth! But there was always this nagging thought that something was still left to be done. Two weeks ago I was on a cleaning spree and that included going through every thing piled up on the shelves in my walk in closet. There it was! The Christian Theology Book we used for the one year of "true hell class" taught by a author of said book, named Dr. Yeago. He was a very very scarey man and I cringed every time I had to sit in his class.

So there was the books of lies, of hatred, of all the things I found so upsetting since I was a teen, fighting against the very church that I did in fact find some love with. I opened the pages and a burning set forth in my hands. I knew the page I had to get to, but had to leaf through all the pages to find it (I could remember how the words sat on the page, here 6 years later, but not the page number). There is was; all highlighted with question marks all around it. This was the point in the class where I took issue openingly with this man.

In a nut shell the teaching was about the use of "Father" especially in the Lord's Prayer. He put in a paragraph that acknowledged that for many women it is hard to use this word due to abuses by their Father or father figure. BUT we as Pastors cannot ALLOW them to use Mother or not say the word Father at all. It is up to use to teach them that they have a loving father in heaven who would never hurt them and that it is inappropriate and wrong to call Father anything else...and on and on and on.

I was infuriated and took issue with this writing, putting on my social worker feminist mental health" hat. He put me in my place very firmly and that was that. But the fuming never left and so for the past 2 weeks I have laid in bed and thought about how in fact I was going to finally kill this abuser in ceremony.

Today had to be the day! Sunday; Mother's Day! And oh how right it was! So, I want to take you with me on the Journey of the Last Cleansing!

I began the day with pulling a Tarot Card for my new pack and it was the Magician. I then looked at the Moon App I have on my phone and read that today was the day to deal with past karma and cleansing the past. I gathered my materials (6 pages from the book I tore out; sage; lighter) and off I went to the Lake.

The morning was very foggy but the greens were delicious and nourished me on my walk to the Lake. I wished Mother Earth a Happy Mother's Day and told Her what I was doing and I could hear her chuckle as She knows all before we do!

As I arrived at the Lake a woman and her dog were leaving. She looked at me funny and then I realized I was wearing my WITCH T-shirt. Didn't plan that. As she was leaving she called out to her dog "Come Dehlia". I then chucked! Dehlia: one of the really Bad Girls of the Hebrew Bible; she is the one who cut off Samson's hair; ridding him of his strength! How appropriate!

The Lake was the image of Avalon! Another affirmation of my Path. The Mists of Avalon was the book that finally set forth the Journey to my Truth! The fog set like a cloak over me and it was as if it was just me and the work I had to do! And funny, but no one came to the Lake while I was there.

I saged myself and the area around the fire pit. I sang an ancient language that I did not know and don't know what it meant and I danced around the fire pit!

I chose the pages carefully in the order I thought were most symbolic of the hatred and lies of the Christian Tradition/Church. This was the first and as it burned I denounced all that I had been taught; all that was being taught and would be taught. I spoke of the hatred the church had for homosexuals, for the poor, for other religions and people who did not look like them. I then added the next page and the next page, but saved for last the page about Father language. I cursed my last pastor who destroyed lives with his homophobic language and misogynistic views. His horrible sermons against a woman's right to choose reminding them that they must come for confession if they had had an abortion (this was a lutheran church not catholic) and ask the "Father" to forgive them so they could be clean again. I cursed those who perpetrated upon innocent children. And I denounced the power and control of ALL the patriarchal religions who act just alike; stealing innocent girls for the sex trade and in the name of god buy these same girls.

As the burning was finished I lit sage on top and gave thanks for the coming of the Time of the Goddess of Love and Life! I cleansed the words written here and what was left in the 1000 page book, which I took and threw in the dumpster! I saged for all those who have suffered great damage at the hands of all the patriarchal religions, me being one of them.

And then I danced once again around the fire pit again ancient words coming out of my mouth that I did not recognize. And out of the mist came this:

A sweet family of mallard ducks swimming and singing there amazing song. I stood in honor of the message from Mother. All was right with Her world and mine! Here was the symbol of New Birth; of what was important. All the rules and doctrine and dogma and power and control hurt and stigmatize people. And here was the beauty of love and peace and joy. Just a simple mallard family swimming along taking care of each other. One adult in the front and one in the back and the vulnerable in the middle. It was perfect!

I then took a stick and pushed the ashes into the fire pit with the other trash there. And I added another sage stick and stood until it burned out and it was done. And it was right and perfect.

I, as others, will always carry the wounds of the patriarchal message of hate clothed in a message of love. I will carry the wounds of a pastor who told me I had to stay in an abusive marriage because I had made a promise before god to stay there in sickness and health until death do us part. I finally, without the blessing of the church; left the marriage cause I was laying in bed every night planning how to kill the man who lay beside me and he wasn't worth going to jail over.

I will continue to speak out against these religions, but I now do it from a different place. I do it from a place of release from the bondage and brainwashing. I do it from a heart that loves all that Mother has given us! I do it from a heart that loves all of creation and does not want to see anything or anyone hurt again.

May our Journey be full of Love and Light; Paths that are not straight and sometimes muddy; and may we always have the Heart of Mother and our Sisters as we take up our Walking Sticks and Journey on! Love and Peace!

Blessed be!