Saturday, December 21, 2013

Wado Autumn

(Wado is the Cherokee word for Thank You!)

You began when the Earth was still full of Life and Sunshine.

You brought cooler Temperatures and shorter hours of Sunshine.

You sent the message to the Trees that it was time to rest.

You left the Everygreens to remind us that Growth will come again.

Oh Autumn!
We now say Good bye to you for another year on this day of Solstice.
We hold in our Memories, beautiful Colors as the trees shed their Leaves.
We hold in our Memories Butterflies, Hummingbirds, Thunderstorms and Rainbows.
We hold in our Memories flowers in full Bloom, Crops growing to feed us and Birds singing their sweet songs.


But the Wheel must Turn!
And Persephone travels deeper into the Underworld to spend time with her dear Hades.
And Demeter's heart is broken not Knowing where her Daughter has gone. And she Cries tears of Ice and Snow.

And our Bodies tell us it is time to Hibernate!

But this morning, Sweet Autumn, as I played my Drum for the last Sunrise of this Season; as I played my Flute at my Altar, I wanted to stop and say


Blessed be and much love!

Sunday, December 8, 2013

The Whistling Tea Kettle

My Maternal Grandmother had a Whistling Tea Kettle. She loved tea and drank it often.

When I went to visit her in Pennsylvania, she would put water in that Whistling Tea Kettle and fix us a delicious cup of tea. I loved these times with my grandmother. She embraced her Croneness!

I love the sound of a Whistling Tea Kettle.It reminds me of my Grandmother.
It reminds me of this Woman with her wrinkly hands, her white hair, and her round body.
It reminds me of Love.

And so each day, when my Tea Kettle whistles that She is ready to pour out boiling water into my tea cup, I tell Gram how much I miss and love her.

Sometimes it is the simple things that stay with us, that warm our heart and that remind us to hold on to our Memories!

May your Tea Kettles always Whistle reminding you to stop and Remember!

Blessed be!

Tuesday, December 3, 2013

Damn I have a broken foot!

Ok, so once again I was in a hurry, not paying attention and missed the last two concrete steps and bam, down I went! Not much pain and little swelling so I thought I would wait til the next morning to access the damage.

Off I went to the ER and the doctor announces: "I will get to the point, you have broken you foot and you did it up good! Broke right through!" To which I replied, "SHIT"!

My souvenir was this picture and a splint! And an appointment to see the orthopedist who will decide what to do!

And the worst???? Stay off your foot, elevate it and oh yes, since it is your right foot no driving for 4-6 weeks!

Immediately I went into: how will I get to work, how will I get all the paperwork I have to gather up, how will I get up and down my stairs, oh damn, I won't be able to get to the grocery store or the post office to send Yule and Christmas cards! And the mail center....if I can't drive how will I get there every day????

Oh how necessary my feet are to me and how I forget to thank them every day!

Then I stopped short and began to tear up! I realized that meant no walking to the Lake or in the Forest until sometime in January! And I would not be attending the Goddess Weekend December 21st! I thought my life was over!

Damn I broke my foot!

And the text began to come, thanks to facebook and my willingness to put my whole life into cyberspace, with offers of help, rides to work, help with grocery shopping, etc. My heart was touched, but my first reaction was how much I don't like to depend on others! But yet, I want others to reach out to me!

After drumming today and thanking Great Spirit Goddess for all my blessings, I was reminded that we are all called to be Her Vessels at some time or another. When we say no, we dishonor the Goddess and those She has chosen to be her Divine Vessel! When we say no, we are not allowing another to feel the Fullness of Her Nourishing Liquid Divineness! When we say no, we are not allowing another to be Her Hands, Feet and Heart! When we say no, we are not allowing another to taste the Richness of Her blessings both on them and us!

We are Vessels of the Goddess! The answer should always be YES! Both when She calls Us to pour forth and when She calls Us to Drink Deeply!

Yes, I broke my damn foot, but from this will come not only Lessons but Opportunities. Opportunities to Accept Help! Opportunities to be quiet, to reflect on the busyness of my life, read, blog and meditate. It will challenge me to look closely at my "financial" need and how that impacts the time I have to actually spend time with Goddess and Her Daughters!

It will be interesting to look back in January when I finally get back to Driving and see the Show unfold before me of all the Divine Appointments I actually showed up for cause I was slowed down.

Life is just that: A Divine Plan that unfolds before us! Reminding us "We plan, Goddess laughs!"

So, yep I broke my Damn Foot, but I look forward to all the Amazing Opportunities that await me!

Blessed be and much love!

Saturday, November 23, 2013

Demeter's Journey begins

The Fog embraces my part of the Forest today! As I sat on the Balcony having my breakfast of french toast with butter and maple syrup along with slices of an orange and hot cocoa; I had a vision!

There sat Demeter, with her Cauldron bubbling away. The Steam from Her Cauldron slowly moves out onto the world that is now going cold. The leaves have fallen and are being stirred into her pot. The flowers no longer bring color to the Earth and the Pines are the only trees standing tall in their regalia; never to loose it despite their Sweet Goddess's departure to the Underworld.

Yes, Persephone has heard the cry of the Underworld and thus has begun her journey downward. As She walks past each Field the ground closes its eyes and goes to sleep. As She passes flowers they bow their beautiful heads and drop off in grief and loss. As She moves among the bears, they slowly but surely find their Caves and begin their long winters sleep. Snakes slither to the underground along with Her and birds fly to warmer parts of the Forest!

And Demeter does not know where She has gone! And so Demeter gazes into Her Cauldron as She would a Crystal Ball trying desperately to find the beauty and sunshine of her Daughter. But alas, the Sun also grieves the departure of Persephone and can not hold the Light for longer periods of time. Shorter and shorter the sunlight becomes which leaves Demeter less and less daylight to search for Her beloved Persephone!

Demeter's tears become the ice cycles that form in the dead of winter and the snow that falls from the sky! But She never stops Searching! It is a Dark time for Demeter. A time of Grief and Loss! A time of having to look under all the rocks and bushes and in dark caves. But the one Dark Cave which would lead her to Persephone is closed off and she passes it by day after day until......

Ah Winter! It beacons us to go inward. To drop our beautiful flowers, our green leaves and find the cave of ourSelves! It is the Time that we are called to Hibernate within ourSelves and face the Shadows and the Death that inhibit our full Blooming and Growth. It is the Time we are called to provide our own sources of Light so that Growth awaits the coming of Spring! Like the Fields it is the time to Lay Fallow and Heal; to Lay Fallow and Rest; to Lay Fallow and Prepare for when we Know it is time to come out into the Light and Warmth of the Spring.

What we forget is that Winter is not only a Physical Season, but a Personal Season. We may be called to do Winter Work in the Summertime or the Spring! If we listen to our Persephone Voice we will know when we must Delve into our WinterTime Journey. It is necessary! And it takes as long as it takes!

Yet we live in a society that does not know how to deal with Withdrawal Times! We don't know what to do when someone is in Grief and Loss (that may be a loved one or grieving of something we must put aside to continue on this Life Journey). And we certainly don't Honor those who aren't going around with a hug smile on their face day after day after day! We don't like when the Dark times come, literally or figuratively.

But they come! And as we know; Persephone Knows when it is time to leave the Underworld and come out into the Playground of Gaia's Garden! She knows because She Listens to Her inner Knowing!

May we be as Wise as Her!

Blessed be and blessed Wintertime!

Saturday, November 16, 2013

Wounded Maiden and Night of Hekate!

I took my walk as usual through the bit of forest here in my apartment complex. I am so blessed to have a path to the Lake and a path through a densely wooded area between apartment complexes! I don't know that I could breathe here without mountains if I did not have these two sacred places! But alas this is not my story tonight!

The Path is now covered in leaves and it rained last night. So, I was delighted to stand and breathe in that very familiar fragrance: wet leaves in the cool crisp air of Fall. And it took me back: it took me back to my childhood!

I remembered Dad raking up the leaves and us running and falling in them!
I remembered walking through the Forest (yes, we actually lived at the base of Mill Mountain in Virginia and thus had "real live woods!) in the Fall and loving the Fragrance and the Sounds of the Leaves!

Today as I stood in all the glory of Fall I realized that I did not have a Wounded Childhood! I did not have Inner Child Issues! I am one of the very fortunate Women! And for that I am very very grateful!

As I stood in all the Glory of Autumn I realized I was a Wounded Maiden.

You see today also is the anniversary of the Day I walked out of an emotional and sexual abusive marriage of 30 years. On this day 11 years ago; my daughter and I moved out and into our own apartment; I was 50 and she was 18! And we could breathe! At last we could breathe and begin our Journey toward finding our own Voices, our own Journeys and our own Truth!

I married this Man two days after my 20th birthday! I was very naive; growing up in a normal family with all it's dysfunction common in the 50's and 60's. We did not have a perfect family by any means, but I was loved and cared for and encouraged to be the person I was meant to be.

And then I married a man who under the cloaks of "we are hippies" said to me over and over that he was there to help me "grow" and "reach my potential", but what he meant was "grow and reach HIS idea of what a woman, as seen in pornography, was suppose to be." Under the cloak of "I am an enlightened Man and really buy into all your Feminist stuff" was a Narcissistic Man who really  thought women should be subservient to men in bed and in the work place. That women were stupid and really didn't know what the hell they were doing if a man was not there to instruct them in how to "be".  I was a Maiden, caught between what I KNEW was my Truth was and what I was being brainwashed into believing was my truth.

So young and naive; so ready to be married and happy; so not ready to have my Voice stolen from me. Funny, tho', I didn't realized I had lost that voice until I watched my daughter grow into her teen years and she too was loosing her Voice!

And so for 11 years I have been Healing the Wounded Maiden! And today She is Healed! She has taken Her place beside the Inner Child, the Mother and now the Crone!

I thank my Maiden Self for being strong and for learning so much during those times of misogyny in the church and my own marriage. All those times finally brought me to the point where I could hear the call of Hekate!  She, the Maiden, Mother, Crone revealed Herself to me during Spiritual Direction, but I didn't know Her then. She revealed Herself to me in stories I began to read and finally She revealed Herself to me one Dark Night! She claimed me as Her own.

So tonight I will honor Hekate! I will honor Her for protecting my Maiden Self; for empowering my Mother Self and for now Welcoming My Crone Self!

The Healing is complete! Blessed be!

Sunday, October 6, 2013

The Crone comes into her Own

Once Upon a Time a Crone came into Her Own, sitting on the Stones on the Coast of Maine!

One Upon a Time She woke up every Morning, fixed her Hair and put on her Makeup Mask!

Once Upon a Time Her Mother told her that once She began wearing Makup, she could never go outside without it on!

Once Upon a Time Her Mother told her she looked like "death warmed over" without the Makeup Mask!

And so on the Huge Rocks on the Coast of Maine the Crone Came Into Her Own!

All week the Crone had gone with her Hair tied up and no Mask on her Face!

All week the Crone Breathed the Fresh Clean Air of Maine, Drank in the Beauty of the Ocean, the Playfullness of the Chipmunks and Squirrels and Luna, and Tasted Freshly Harvested Lobster for the first Time!

All week the Crone Shared Space with MotherSelf as her Maiden Daughter surrounded her with Unconditional Love and a Peak inside the Container of Blossoming Forever Love!

Once Upon a Time, the Crone sat on the Rocks and Watched New Love Flourish! She sat on the Rocks and Realized how Foolish it has been, trying to Please others. She sat and Gently, Sweetly came into her Own!

There is something to be said for Peaceful Moments, for Vision and for Contentment.

Once Upon a Time the Crone put the Last Puzzle Piece into Place. The new Puzzle awaits to be opened!

Once Upon a Time........

Blessed be!

Sunday, September 8, 2013

There are no more Tears to Cry!

Walking to the Lake has become a way for me to Renew and to Drink in the Energy of the Earth. Not only does the Lake Nourish my very Soul, but the Trees ground me as I walk through Their World. When I moved here 4 years ago, I was drawn to one tree in particular and She became my Grandmother Tree.

She stood tall and proud just at the bend in the path to the Lake. She shed Her leaves in the Fall and adorned Herself with Leaves in the Spring! She would get a hug from me everytime I walked to the Lake; I told her my sad and happy times and when I felt I would be Lost forever She Grounded me to my Path. I took offerings to her and told her stories and would hold on to her when my life was falling apart. I danced around her in happiness and she whispered Her Secrets to me!

We were bonded and I adored Grandmother Tree.

Yesterday, I took a walk to the Lake and hugged her for what would be the last time. I did not know it, but it was. I had been so busy the past two weeks that I hadn't taken my walk and so I couldn't wait to hug Grandmother Tree. I told her how sorry I was for not visiting and that I missed her so much and how much she meant to me.

Today, I got a huge surprise. Sometime yesterday, She had been cut down!

I literally couldn't breathe.

You see, the apartment complex where I live has the beautiful place on the Lake and there had been so much vandalism that they decided to put in lamp posts and do some major overhauling of the area so people could use this during the evenings and hopefully prevent future vandalism. What they have done is really nice, but I did not expect they would have to cut down so many trees.

When I could finally walk, I went to her and told her how sorry I was and how much I would miss her. I thanked her for all she had been to me and promised that I would never forget her! I did a video and I took pictures. I also asked if I could have a piece of her bark which was laying beside her.

I took the piece and brought it home with me.

While I was walking home, I thought about my reaction to this very sad happening. What I realized is that I didn't Cry. What dawned on me was that I had No More Tears To Cry.

I have cried over so many happenings in my life. I have cried over not only my own life, but the lives of others. I have cried over the devastation of the forests and oceans. I have cried over the extermination of the Wolves and Buffalo and other animals. I have sobbed over wars, misogynist comments and the abuse of women and children. I have cried enough Tears for one Lifetime and yes, I realized that I have No More Tears To Cry.

It is not that I no longer feel strongly, it is more that I don't have the Energy to go to that Place of Deep overwhelming Sadness. I have been Drained as the Disappointments keep coming day after day!

A friend on facebook posted this under my video: " awww Im so sorry that something that means so much to you has been taken from you. But as she may have been taken from your view please be reassured that they can never remove her roots that run deep below the surface. She will feel your footsteps as you walk with her xxx"

These are comforting words for sure! And isn't this like when we lose anyone we love: I may not be able to hug Her but when I take my Walk I can sit on her roots and pull up her grounding energy. It is the memory that I will hold in my heart. And I will ask her to introduce me to my new Grandmother Tree in the near future! 

It is amazing to me how much I depended on Grandmother Tree and how we forget that Nature is there to join us on our Journey. We forget that it isn't just humans and animals who can ground us, love us, and teach us! 

Aho, Grandmother Tree! Aho and much love! 

Blessed be! 

Sunday, July 21, 2013

Fractured Fairy Tale: Drumming

Once Upon a Time the Drumming began. The Call was going out for Women of all Ages to Circle where ever they were.

The Drumming Sounds permeated the Air, the Oceans, the Mountains, Trees and Ground. The Drumming Seeped into their Minds and Hearts.

Once Upon a Time the Drumming Began! It was Time, but not All were Open to Her Voice. Not All could Circle, not All Remembered.

The Great Memory Loss covered the Ears, Hearts, Minds and Souls of Women. The Great Memory Loss Veiled those the Drums were Calling into Circle. The Great Memory Loss Stole the Energy of the Goddess.

The Drumming became Louder. Circles Grew larger but still there were those Unable to Hear; those with no One to Teach them to Listen and Respond.

But the Drums would Not be Stilled. The Drums would Not be Silenced. The Drums were Calling for the Great Re-Membering Ritual!

Some Women always Knew and Spoke Openly only to be Silenced by Torture and Death. Some Women always Knew and Spoke Quietly to Others over Tea and Small Cakes. Most Women had Lost the Ability to Know. These Women needed Those who Knew to Help Re-Member.

The Drumming will Not Cease! The Drumming is the Mother's Heartbeat and She is ready to give Birth to Her Daughters.

The Great Memory Loss is Ending its Reign over Women!

Listen Sisters of all Ages and Prepare for your Delivery!

Once Upon a Time the Drumming Continued.......

The End!

Saturday, July 20, 2013

Fractured Fairy Tale: The Canyon of Grief

Once Upon a Time a Woman Stands in the Middle of the Canyon of Grief, Red Earth clinging to her Delicate Feet. She had Walked a long Way and finally Arrived at her Destination.

This Woman Stands, Reaches her Arms to the Sky and begins to Sing.

The Enchanting Song of Lost Love bounces off the Grand Mountains. She Walked a long Way to Arrive at this Canyon at this particular Time to Offer this Song of Lost Love to the Goddess.

She Sang as the Sun Traveled West and the Moon Rose in the East. She Sang as the Dew covered the Canyon. She Sang as Day turned to Night and Night to Day. Yes, she Sang as Summer turned to Fall, Fall to Winter, Winter to Summer and Summer to Spring.

Once Upon a Time a Woman Traveled a long Way to Arrive at the Canyon of Grief to Sing her Song of Lost Love!

Then her time of Singing was Done. She had no more Tears to Cry, no more Words to Sing.

She was Free!

Once Upon a Time a Woman Traveled a long Way to Arrive at the Canyon of Grief. She Lifted her Arms to the Sky. And she Flew! She Flew away from her Time of Singing her Song of Lost Love.

She Soared over the Canyon and into her new Life. Never again to be Grounded, but now Free to Fly. She earned her Wings of Freedom and flew out of the Canyon of Grief into her Amazing Life.

Once Upon a Time a Woman Stands in the Middle of the Canyon of Grief.......

The End!

Tuesday, July 9, 2013

Fractured Fairy Tale: Imagination

Once Upon A Time, but right before Bedtime; when the Shadows begin to Creep into the Playroom, a Little Girl sits in the midst of her Toy Friends. She Waits for her Crystal Spaceship to come out from behind the Chest and take her on an Adventure!

Slowly she sees Rainbows dancing on the Walls as the last bit of Sunlight bounces off her Transport to Places Far Far Away!

Once Upon A Time, right before Bedtime, when the Shadows begin to Creep into the Playroom, the Little Girl takes in a Deep Breath and Melts into the Crystal Ball.

Her Fae Friends greet her and Dance with Joy at her Arrival. She looks through the Crystal Windows and waves Goodbye to the Playroom!

Night will come quickly and there is much to do; Flying through the Stars and All!

"It's Magick!" The Little Girl cries out as they pass Orion, Scorpius and Ophiuchus. The Fae Friends Laugh 'cause she Always says the Same thing.

"Where are the Cows?" The Little Girl Giggles as they fly through the Milky Way! The Fae Friends Laugh 'cause she Always says the Same thing.

"I don't want to Go back!" The Little Girl said with Tears in her Eyes. All of her Fae Friends Stopped and Stared. She Never said this before.

"But you Have to Go back! The Fae say to her.

"Your Family will Miss you!"

"Your Toys will be Lonely!"

"Your Kitty will not eat!"

"But I want to Fly Here all the Time and soon I will be too Big to Ride in my Crystal Spaceship!" The Little Girl sobbed.

"Oh, but No, our Little Sister! You can Fly here any Time you want!" Sang the Fae Friends!

And so Once Upon A Time, right before Bedtime, when the Shadows begin to Creep into the Playroom, the Little Girl Learned about IMAGINATION and DREAMS!

And she Lived Happily Ever After!

The End

Sunday, July 7, 2013

Fractured Fairy Tale: The Gathering

Once Upon A Time there was only Darkness. No Stars, No Moon, No Sun, No Planets, No Light. Only Darkness!

And yet They Gathered!

Young and Old, They Gathered! They Gathered to Uncover the Light.

They arrived from all over the Planet. They arrived on Foot, in Carriages, on Horseback, on Magic Carpets and Brooms.

The Witches, the Seers, the Mystics and the Healers. They Gathered as the Great Darkness smothered the Earth.

The Religious had found a way to bring the Darkness into Being. Power and Control Dimmed the Light. Speaking Evil more than Goodness finally Pulled all the Plugs.

And so They Gathered!

They were the only Ones NOT filled with Fear. While the rest of the World cowered, wailed and beat their breasts, They Gathered!

The Elves, the Fae, the Trolls, the Tree People, the Animals, the Rock People. They Gathered!

They had Waited and They had Watched knowing Darkness was Coming. It was being Called in by those full of Hate but calling it Love.

And so they Gathered!

The Birds of the Air, the Fish and Mammals of the Great Seas, the Dragons and Unicorns,.

And as They Gathered, Stars began to Twinkle, sparingly at first, but then Sending Messages of Encouragement for the Journey.

As the Fireflies arrived, Venus, Mercury, Jupiter and the Others took their rightful places in the Sky.

They Gathered!

Oh so slowly the Heartbeat of Mother began to Pulsate in the Heavens. And the Cloak of Darkness disintegrated. There in Glory was Grandmother Moon and Grandfather Sun!

Those who had always held the Light Gathered. And they filled the Earth!

And Goddess Smiled as Her Garden Returned!

The Beginning!

Saturday, July 6, 2013

Fractured Fairy Tale: Lights in the Sky

Once Upon A Time, and maybe just Yesterday or Today, the Sky lit up with Bright Lights and Colors!

Once Upon A Time, and maybe just Yesterday or Today, dogs ran under Beds, Children held their ears and Parents assured them all was Fine!

Yes, Once Upon A Time, and maybe Yesterday or Today, Smoke filled the Air after 30 minutes of Bright Lights and Ear numbing Noise.

And then the Stillness. The incredible Heart Stopping Stillness!

Soon Dogs came out from under the Bed, Children uncovered their Ears and their Parents looked around and then Covered their Children's Eyes from the Death laying all around them.

War is Hell!

The End (if only!)

Thursday, July 4, 2013

Fractured Fairy Tale: The Dancer

Once Upon A Time She Danced! Oh how She Danced! She Twirled, she Jumped, she Plied, she Tapped and she Leaped like no other.

She seemed to have invisible Wings that Carried her through the Air. It was like she was Dancing on the Clouds.

She Danced! Oh how she Danced!

And They came to watch her Dance! They oooed and aahhed! They Clapped and Roared! They sat in Amazement and she Danced!

She Fell! Most unexpected was this Fall! And the Dancing stopped. The Lights went out. The People Disappeared.

Tears were Cried in the Pits of the Darkness. And the Dancing Stopped. The Dancing stopped for a very very long Time.

Sadness! Oh how much Sadness!

He came in a Dream. He came to Dance with Her. But she had Forgotten. Her Legs no longer Moved. Her Arms laid Heavy by her Side.

But he Believed! He Believed in her! He Believed for her!

He came in a Dream and their Hearts Re-membered the Steps of the Dance. Their Hearts Jumped, Tapped, Plied and Leaped. Their Hearts flowed through the Air as if on invisible Wings.

She Danced. Oh how she Danced. She Danced as he Believed, in her and for her!

Their Hearts Re-membered the Wholeness of the Dance.

Balance Restored by Love!

The End!

Monday, July 1, 2013

Fractured Fairy Tale: The Small Hut

Once Upon a Time a Small Hut sat by a Stream. The Hut was nestled amongst Trees of Different kinds; the Mighty Oak, the Temperamental Maple; the Proud Birch and the Flowering Dogwood. Ivy was attempting of smother the Small Hut, but She fought hard to keep Breathing by Shaking hard when the cold Winds of Winter came upon Her.

The Small Hut was beginning to feel very Old. Her Door had come unhinged years ago and many of the Shingles had Blown off Her once sturdy Roof.

Her Inside was Dusty and overtaken by Leaves and Cobwebs. Spring was fun as the Starlings and Blue Birds came in through the holes in the Roof and Nested in her Rafters. Listening to the sweet Chirps of the newly Hatched babies and the Songs of their Parents filled Her otherwise Lonely Days.

Summer brought the Sweet Smells of the Lilacs and Roses Growing Wild around Her. Autumn Leaves tickled Her Walls and She loved the pretty Colors as they Adorned Her Porch.

But Winter. Oh Winter! The Cold now Creeps through the Holes in Her Flooring and Walls. The Icicles pull on Her Gutters and it is oh so Cold and Lonely.

And so Winter is when The Small Hut Cherishes the Memories of Younger Times. She Remembered the Hikers who would Stop for a night or two; the Young Couple who Conceived their first child while snuggled inside their Sleeping Bag; and the Monk who would come and Meditate Seeking His God.

The Small Hut Remembered the Teenage Girls who ran away from Home, got Lost, and found Refuge within Her Protective walls until they were Found.

But Her favorite Memory was when the Women would Gather at each Full Moon. They would Dance and Sing, they would Laugh and Cry, they would call down the Moon's Energy and The Small Hut felt Alive and Pulsated along with the Women.

Soon the Gathering got smaller and eventually no One came! No One Came At All! The Small Hut was Alone except for the Birds, the Trees, the Flowers, the Stream, the Sun and Moon, and the Air. And best of all Her Memories!

All Reminded Her that She wasn't Alone. And The Small Hut smiled as a Squirrel crawled out of her Nest and Ran outside the unhinged Door! Spring had Arrived!

She had never been Alone!

The End.....and Blessed be!

Sunday, June 30, 2013

Fractured Fairy Tale #2: The Willow Tree

Once Upon a Time a Gentle Girl sat under her favorite Willow Tree. She Loved how the Branches waved in the Breeze, how they fell Gracefully to the ground and how they Hid her from the World.

She was a Gentle Girl. Kind to Plants and Animals, she wouldn't even harm a Spider. She Cried for days when she saw her friends intentionally Destroy an Ant Hill and then stomp to Death those ants trying to get away.

Yes, she Loved her Willow Tree. She would lay under the Shelter of the Branches and Dream of Unicorns and Princes on White Stallions rescuing her from a Family where being Gentle and Kind was not the norm.

Thank goodness for the Respite of the Willow Tree!

One day after School, she ran Happily to the Willow Tree and it was gone! She stood in Disbelief gazing upon the bare Stump left by the Brutal Tree Killers.

And so Once Upon a Time a Gentle Girl turned Bitter and Angry. She Screamed her loudest Scream, and as she did the Skies Darkened and Thunder rolled and Lightening lit up the Skies. The Animals and Insects ran out of fear. Flowers Withered and Ponds dried up. And unfortunately the Great Sorrow and Ultimate Destruction of the Gentle Girl overshadowed the Message of the Willow Tree.

The Gentle Girl, now turned Bitter and Angry, could not Hear the Willow Tree say, "I had a Disease and had to be Cut back so I could Grow again. I am still your Refuge; I am still here for you; I am just Different right now!"

No, the Gentle Girl, turned Bitter and Angry, could not accept what she saw as Betrayal and was such a Mean Girl she was sent away to live with her Grandma.

Years later and Once Upon A Time, a Gentle Girl discovered the Willow Tree and Crawled under the Branches. The Willow Tree Breathed a Gentle Sigh and the Gentle Girl Dreamed of Unicorns and Princes on White Stallions.

The End!

Thursday, June 27, 2013

Fractured Fairy Tale #1

Once Upon a Time in the Wee Hours of the Morning a Crone laid in her Bed Listening to the Darkness.

In the Wee Hours of the Morning before the sweet first rays of Sunlight; while the Stars were still Glittering in the Dark Skies; and while Creatures large and small were still sleeping; in those Wee Hours of the Morning a Crone Listens but no Sounds come.


Until She goes deep Inside and begins to open Doors of her Heart!

She walks through the first Door and Watches as her Mom, age 14, gives Birth to her in the Attic room of her Grandmother's Cottage by the Sea.

Only the Waves crashing against the Rocks and the Cry of an Owl announce the Arrival of a Baby Girl! The Crone's Mother did not make a sound, but shed a Tear for this Baby Girl and Herself; never to be connected again.

In the Wee Hours of the Morning the Crone closed Door 1 and Locked it.

Still no Sounds from the Darkness.

But a Vision appeared! A Cord, thick and Pulsating grew from her Naval Traveling to the Mother she never Knew; Connecting to the Naval of her Mother; traveling and Connecting to her Mother and her Mother and so on way into the Past.

Connecting All Women until ultimately Connecting to the Naval of the Goddess!

And the Crone Realized at that moment that the Sound of Darkness is the Lullaby sung by Mother Goddess.

In the Wee Hours of the Morning; the Crone Sleeps Listening to the Sound of her own Heartbeat: The Lullaby of the Goddess!

Blessed be!

Saturday, June 1, 2013

"You think I'm done?" said Gaia!

So as much as I wanted to just hang out in the AC this morning I was guilted into putting on my tennis shoes and going for a walk. A very dear friend of mine, Riley, responded to my whine on facebook saying, "Go for your walk. You might hear something."

So for a walk I went. I decided that I would just walk the path to the Lake for 30 minutes since it was almost totally in the shade. It became like a Labyrinth and my kinetic meditation took over as I walked over and over a path that is very familiar.

The first thing that caught my eye as I was rounding the bend about 5 minutes into my walk was this:

I remembered that for so long this had been a dead branch just sticking up in the ground and now there was a shoot of growth from her side!

I walked on and before I realized it my eyes were drawn to:

I was called to pause and study this small pine tree trying to grow between the hard stones firmly embedded in the soil.

As I walked I remembered being in Iceland and walking on the Lava Field and there nestled in a hole in the hard lava was a sweet beautiful flower.

Gaia said,

"You think I'm done?"

"I am never ever done!"

"I am never ever done with anything I create!"

"And that includes my precious human children!"

As children of the Creatress we loose sight of that fact. We question if there is anything else left for us to do. We become disabled and wonder how our New Normal could be anything but devastating. We loose our job, our home, and our animals and we can not imagine that anything new or different will come out of it all.

Goddess is never ever done. She has the power to bring new life out of that which seems dead and hard and dry. She has the magic to blossom within a lava field, out the side of a dead branch and pushing up throw a stone garden!

She will do amazing things with all of her children if we are but open to her seeds, her water and her nutrients! She has much left to do with each of us!

Blessed be!

Friday, May 31, 2013

The rest of the Story

In my Vision with the Goddess, she told me I would be entering into the suffering of a certain family to end the paternal lineage of a genetic makeup full of emotional, sexual, and physical abuse of others.

She also assured me my life would be "doing good for others."

Goddess sent me into this Mission with gifts to enter the suffering of the Many, not just this one family. And she blessed me with the Gift of not seeing it as a Burden, but as a true Calling. I love "helping" others. And I do it well.

Goddess chose a family of origin for me where I would be the oldest. She chose a family where I would be raised with a sense of purpose and with a knowing of "helping the neighbor while loving the neighbor," Unbeknownst to me I was being prepared to enter social work as a career and to fulfill my main purpose of entering the marriage family.

But I was very different from my family of origin. I have always been the "black sheep" of the family but known for my outreach to those without a voice, those marginalized, those who live in their own suffering world. But as I was entering the suffering lives of others I was living my own suffering life in order to complete my mission.

After 30 years, Goddess told me my part of the Mission was complete and I was able to leave the marriage family.

But I have not stopped "helping others." That my friends is the Biggest Gift and Mission of this Life Journey!

I have laid to rest the Mission of ending a patriarchal line of abuse. My heart grieves of the choices made and the disease had by all those men and for the impact their choices and disease had on their wives and children. My heart cries for all the lost opportunities of health as these men chose not to acknowledge their illness which meant not getting help. But that I could not change nor was I asked to do that.

Balance called me to make a major impact in the lives of others!

I often wondered how I could be so successful in the lives of those I entered while a social worker, or the lives of hurting friends, family and co workers; and yet be so unsuccessful in my marriage family. But now I understand.

I have had a good life. Sometimes the married life has overshadowed the rest of my life, but now it no longer does. I will always revisit those 30+ years to look at lessons learned and rejoice in the birth of my children! I love them both so very much!

And I will continue my Path of being honored when Another invites me into their Life! That my friend is the biggest Honor of All!

Blessed be!

Thursday, May 30, 2013

Anything is possible~~~~right?

I believe that anything is possible.
So I wasn't surprised when I had a very clear Vision on my walk yesterday.

I was thinking about my life as I walked. I was thinking how I agreed to marry the man I did, not knowing what I was getting myself into. I thought about how I made the decisions to have children with this man and then watched at how this man's choices caused such emotional damage. Then I watched as my son began to manifest his mental illness and honored his choice to end the patriarchal line by having a vasectomy. He is the last of this line of mentally ill, addicted men!

So as I was walking I had this Vision:
I saw my Self standing before the Goddess before I was born.
She said she had a very important job for me, but wanted to tell me that it would not be pleasant, it would be full of heart break and heart ache, but there would be good I would do!
My Self said Yes!

I wonder if it is possible that our Selves are asked sometimes to go on a mission to help end or begin something deemed important by the Goddess.

As I walked I saw Goddess hand Me my Journey Papers! This Journey was to put an end to the Patriarchal Mental Illness of this particular family. It meant I had to marry into the family and have a son who could end the gene pool that had hurt so many people for so very long of a time.

I agreed to sacrifice my own happiness for the good of future generations.

I did just that! I accomplished my mission for this lifetime.

I often wonder if this is something that could have actually happened or if it just helps me make sense out of my life. To make sense out of "why me, why my son, why my daughter?"

I don't believe in random visions, so I honor this for what it is. I also honor the life I have led and will continue to live; loving my Self, my son and my daughter!

Yes, I have made some pretty amazing differences in the lives of so many and for that I am grateful. I am also grateful for those who have touched my life and made this mission more tolerable!

May we all embrace our Journeys; knowing we may never know "why me?" But trusting that Goddess knows!

Blessed be and much Love!

Wednesday, May 15, 2013


I work part time for a Sports Products Distribution company. I work at the corporate center and included in the employment package is full access to the state of the art gym (right in the middle of the office building) and a personal trainer.

All around the the building and on all the correspondence is the word IMAGE!

IMAGE to our Customers!
IMAGE to our Vendors!
IMAGE to our employees!

Most of the men and women who work for this company go to the gym almost every day and also purchase and take the supplements that are distributed to customers (both individual, mom and pop shops and big businesses).

So it wasn't a surprise that I had a conversation with a woman who is 25 years old at the water fountain this afternoon about IMAGE!

This young woman is really pretty, a graduate from an esteemed university where she played softball. She has long blonde hair, gorgeous blue eyes and a cute body! Her personality is terrific too!

She was fixing a protein drink and shaking the container when I walked up to talk to her. She told me that she had been to the gym and was now having this protein drink. She then went on to talk about how she was upset that no matter what she did, she cannot loose the small woman pouch on her abdomen and the little bit of puff at the hips.

I almost laughed out loud until I realized how serious she was. I slowly began to tell her why we have these "pouches" and her response was, "well, not now! I want a flat stomach and no padded hips!" I felt so sad for her at that exact moment! I felt sad that she was so unhappy with her body and especially those parts that speak of womanhood!

And then I realized that this company is very much about IMAGE which is very different from HEALTH!

This young woman is very healthy. She has a great job, a boyfriend who works and cares for her and she is very cute by society standards and is so much fun to be around! And yet, she is very very unhappy with her body.

I can assure you that the personal trainer who happens to be a man is doing all he can to get that "belly" and those "padded hips" off this young lady so she can be more attractive, not more healthy!

Oh this personal trainer preaches "health"; writes emails about it; but when you go into the gym he is in my terms berating the people he is training. He is yelling about body image; he yells about not working hard enough which translates into "you are not good enough the way you are!"

Yes, I know that people are motivated by this, but omg....needless to say I am sticking to my daily walk outside and will not be joining this IMAGE of work out! I am sure he thinks all kinds of things when I walk by with my "baby belly" and "padded hips"! Of course maybe he doesn't notice since I am not in there wearing spandex and tank tops.

Anyway, I tried the best I could to plant a few seeds about loving our female body; I tried to point out calmly that being healthy and "being fit" don't always mean the same thing; I tried to be supportive and yet I could see she was in no way desiring to follow me on this journey.

But of course, I remember being a teen and young adult and hating my small breasts and my overbite and my thin hair, etc etc! I didn't have breast implants thank Goddess but I did do something about my overbite which really didn't make me a different person at all!

I have learned to embrace the body I have. I have learned to eat healthy not so I can get rid of anything or be pencil thin but because I love this body and I want to care for it as long as I am walking in the Garden!

I wish this young woman and others like her in the world would do the same!

Blessed be! 

Sunday, May 12, 2013

Ode to Daughters

I always wanted to be a Mom. As a young girl I dreamed of adopting all the unwanted kids in the world (not surprising I ended up in social work, huh?). I was the first of 5 siblings and took care of the last two as if they were my very own (I was 9 and 10 when they were born). I babysat, took care of the nursery at church, and generally was a caretaker at heart and in practice!

So when I became pregnant the first time imagine my surprise when I miscarried at 10 weeks. I was devastated. What would this mean? What did this mean? Would I ever be a Mom? Mother's Day was close to this miscarriage and I remember how sad I felt when the roses were given to all the Moms in the church service; the service that regaled Motherhood as the most important and crucial professional of all. I looked around  me and wondered how many others were feeling like me.

Then the next miscarriage came and I was sure this was my punishment for something I had done. Of course is would be another nail in my coffin of "not enough" but that is for another blog.

Why did I even want children? Was it worth going through all this heart ache over and over? Was I suppose to adopt? The doctor said, "you have an issue and it can be fixed."

I wanted children so they could be a part of bringing the Age of Aquarius into the world. I just knew MY children would do that; I would be a great mom! I would teach them how to love and care for the earth, each other and to help the downtrodden and those without a voice. I would teach them about God and how we all have a journey to travel that includes telling the story of ancient times.

And another Mother's Day came and went; along with all the fanfare at church and everywhere else I seemed to go before I finally was able to carry a child to term.

Holding my son in my arms was the most amazing thing I had ever done. And when my daughter was born 3 years later I thought my world and the world at large could never be so blessed!

And I stood with pride every Mother's Day at church to get that rose while so many other women were grieving in there pew or thought the whole thing was overrated since they never had any plans to be a mom.

The longer I was a social worker the more I became aware of another piece of the Mom puzzle. I realized that there were way too many women out there who had terrible abusive neglectful moms and in no way saw that "profession" as anything but pain and loss.

Now that I am 60 and my children are adults and I watch as they make decisions not to have children I wonder if they are not the wise ones. And I am not convinced that I was that great of a mom.

Not all women are nurturers and that is ok. Not all women want children or even like the ones they have. Not all women have moms that they want to regale and not all remember the moms who gave birth to them. And not all women even lived with their birth mothers at all.

But we are all Daughters! We are Daughters of the Goddess first and foremost and She will never abuse or neglect us! We are Daughters of the Garden! We are Daughters! So let us rejoice in that! It does not separate us; it binds us to each other like nothing else!

Aho and Blessed be!

Sunday, May 5, 2013


It seems to be a periodic episode called "finding myself"!

Or at least it has been a life time journey for me.

Just when I think I've got it.....

It smacks me in the face again!

I am 60 for Goddess Sakes!

My daughter said yesterday, "Rebelling again, huh?"

You see I decided when I turned 60 to say the hell with makeup and hair styles (no style has ever worked for me anyway!)

It seems that my mom who is turning 80 and looks like she has walked out of a fashion mag even on days she is sick

can't get enough of commenting on this change in "style" for me.

Yesterday we were going out for pancakes to support my niece who is the Strawberry Festival Queen and when I got in the car she said, "Oh you did decided to shower?" (the night before when we decided to meet at 7:30am to go and she complained about having to get up at 5am to get ready, I told her that I would just be putting my hair up in a pony tail as I needed to then get home to do stuff)

"Nope!" I said. "I just curled my hair."

"Well at least you did that!" she said looking ahead as I was driving.

So I told my daughter and she said, "Rebelling again, huh?"

Rebelling is my way of shouting "Who the hell am I?"

Always has been I guess. Always will be.

I want so much for people to look past the makeup that makes my blue eyes pop!

I want so much for people to look past the "cute" hair styles I have always tried to have with this baby fine thin hair I was burdened with.

"Look inside!" I scream!

"Ask me what I think about something; how I feel when I see my son suffering; how I live every day with regret and shame for choices I made in the past."

"Ask me what it is like to live alone and wonder who will be here when I need someone to change my diapers."

"Ask me to tell you about this journey I am on and what it means to me!"

Damn it, just ask!

And so YES I am rebelling! Thank Goddess at age 60 I still want to rebel! I still want to find me! I still want to walk my own path; speak my own truth; take a shower or not; wear makeup or not; let my hair grow to my knees and wear a damn pony tail that looks stupid cause it ain't thick!

And in the meantime I acknowledge that it is what makes me happy and content! And yet; I still want to be accepted.

So ask damn it!

I have stories to tell!

Most involve rebellion!

Maybe that's who I am!

Peace out and all that 60's stuff!

Wednesday, May 1, 2013

A Mourning Howl!

My son turned 32 on April 24th! He has suffered with Borderline Personality Disorder since his teens although he didn't have a diagnosis until he was 25. He has had his share of depression, suicidal thoughts, disappointment, abuse, dark times, lost jobs, divorce and a sense of failure. He hates that he was ever born, but yet continues to walk on this Earth. I am not sure I would have the same fortitude to live through those horrible dark times and then come out of it only to face another one.

Well, the week before his birthday this year he went into a very very dark depression; quit his job; didn't shower or get out of bed for over a week (he lives with his dad).

Anyway, this was the first time that I was not going to talk to him on the day of his birth. But I understood even tho' it made me a bit sad.

So this is the story I want to tell you!

I was sitting on the balcony reading that morning. The air was cool and there was an incredible silence permeating the apartment complex (it was Sunday). David was born at 10:50 am and I usually call both of my kids at the exact time of their birth, but I knew I could not call David. So I began to talk to Goddess; to tell her how sorry I was for choosing his father; how I wish I could take away this life and give him another one to live; how I so didn't dream of this life for him as I held him in my arms the first time in the hospital. Nope, I did not check "mental illness" on the list of hopes and dreams for my son!

I sat there and closed my eyes and imagined my son laying in his dark place; grieving the day he was born; grieving his life; giving his past, present and future!

And all of a sudden; a dog in the complex began to howl. You know that lonesome; mourning howl of a dog who is missing his owners or is lost. I looked at the clock and it was EXACTLY 10:50am! The exact time of his birth. This dog (I could not see him) continued this mournful howl for a few minutes and then it stopped as abruptly as it began! I had never heard this before and haven't heard it since.

I began to cry. I knew this was the cry of my son! I knew it was the cry of the Universe and the Goddess for this lost soul I brought into the world 32 years ago!

It permeated my very soul! It was the saddest thing I had ever heard!

So that's the story.

I needed to share it and this seemed a good time being Beltane and all!

Blessed be and much love!

Sunday, April 28, 2013

I found my feminist DNA link!

Well, well, well!! Who would have thought it possible? Not my Dad for sure! My Mom was very very happy about it! But who would have thought it!

You see, my family of birth, has a history and a present of staunch right wing conservatism which sometimes makes Rush look like a tree hugging hippie! And that is on both sides, but my Dad's side really just swims in that pool of DNA! The pool that says, "white is right", "homos will burn in hell", "get the hell out of MY country if you aren't white and american"and "women should know their place; in the kitchen barefoot and pregnant and waiting on the man!" Yep...that's the DNA from which I hail!

So imagine the surprise when I was growing up and growing into my hippie tree hugging radical feminist rebellious self! Imagine the surprise when I didn't grow out of it! Imagine when I was approaching 60 and I announced not only was I this hippie chick who was a feminist but now a pagan witch! Yep....if I didn't look so much like both sides of this family one would conjecture I was adopted from some gypsies who forgot to take me with them in their weed induced trippy exit so they wouldn't be put in jail or burned at the stake.

Well, well, well! Imagine all of our surprise during our search of my paternal grandmother's line that Dad and I came upon Margaret Elizabeth "Lizzie" Crozier French (May 7, 1851-May 14, 1926)!
Lizzie French was an American educator, women's suffragist and social reform activist. She was one of the primary leaders in the push for women's rights in Tennessee in the early 1900's and helped the state become the 36th state to certify the 19th Amendment to the United States Constitution, giving women the right to vote, in 1920. She also founded the Ossoli Circle, the oldest federated women's club in the South, and led efforts to bring coeducation to the University of Tennessee.

This was the missing piece I cried out!

"Oh dear God, she got it from MY side of the family," Dad declared.

"Oh thank God, she didn't get it on MY side of the family!" my Mom stated with joy!

I am thrilled! And this women is my great, great, great aunt on my Paternal Grandmother's side; the Grandmother who carried Cherokee blood although this woman was not of that blood!

I devoured all I could find out about her on the internet which is a lot!

In the early 1900s, the women's magazine, The Delineator, conducted a survey and analysis of states' laws regarding the rights of women, and ranked Tennessee in a tie with Louisiana for last place. French described the position of married women in the state as "nothing more or less than that of a slave," pointing out that they had no right to their own property or earnings. In a 1912 speech to the Tennessee Bar Association, she blasted the state's legal bias toward men. She urged them to "not simply alter one law concerning women here and there, but to take the whole bunch and burn it up."

In 1914, Knoxville's city commission enacted an ordinance that essentially allowed prostitutes in parts of the city to operate without fear of arrest. French assailed the commission over this ordinance, and engaged in a back-and-forth with Mayor Samuel G. Heiskell over the city's refusal to arrest men who hire prostitutes. During this period, French began publishing a magazine, The People, the purpose of which was to expose the corrupt "ring leaders" running the city. She pointed out that the journal was not a guide for "society ladies," stating, "you will not learn from these columns how to butter your bread or hold your fork."

How very exciting to know that in fact I have DNA of this Lizzie Crozier French!

So my Dad will have to grieve that he brought that feminist, outspoken, radical DNA and gifted it to me and my Mom can rejoice that in fact she was not the culprit and thus can stop being embarrassed by me in her prime and proper circles and the family!

I can't wait to learn all I can about this amazing woman who made such an impact of the rights of women! Hail Lizzie Crozier French! Thank you for this amazing DNA!

Blessed be!

Saturday, April 20, 2013

Dzhokhar Tsarnaev

Many will not want to read what I am blogging today and that is OK.

I had a very hard time going to sleep last night. Why should that be? The two men responsible for the fatal bombing at the Boston Marathon are no longer threats. His brother is dead and Dzhokhar is now in custody getting medical treatment so he can be charged in this crime and then interrogated. All is well within the system and the town of Waterford.

Of course there are three funerals yet to be had and the grieving is in process of those who were injured; lost limbs, sight and will suffer with PTSD.

But I could not get this young man out of my mind and I realized out of my heart. All of a sudden I was in the boat with him. As I gazed upon this 19 year old man I began to sense a frightened little boy.

I wonder what he was thinking as he hunkered down under the covering of that boat. I wonder if he was scared, if he was remorseful, if he just wanted to be back to his normal life. This young man, who had his whole life before him and who was well thought of, participated in a most horrendous event. Did he even realize the impact of what he did? Did he even care? I sensed that he did.

And what about his brother? Did he know he was dead? Did he remember running over his brother as he fled in the stolen car trying to get away despite his injuries? Did he wish he had been killed at that exact time during the 200 rounds of ammunition that were fired by the well trained policemen? Did he wish he would die in the boat or was he praying to Allah that he be found much sooner than he was.

Did he cry? Did he want to be back in the arms of his mother being rocked to sleep after a terrible nightmare? Did he realize that his life was now over?

What happened? How did these two young men turn from being happy with their lives to feeling the need to hurt others? It is the same question we ask every time there is a tragedy of this magnitude. We asked it when all the precious children were gunned down; we asked it when all the people in the theater were massacred; we asked it after the Oklahoma bombing and we will continue to ask it into eternity. It is an unanswerable question.

This one is easier, for you see these young men were not white home grown Americans. We can now blame it on another religion and on allowing "these people" to come into our country.

I am not taking away from the horrendous event that happened this week by connecting with this other human being. You see, that is what I do! It is what I have been both burdened and blessed with. I connect with the people who do things that hurt other people and hurt themselves. Guess it is why I stayed a Child Abuse Social Worker for 33 years.

I was there in the boat with this young man. There was no evil here but another human being who made the decision for whatever reason to hurt other people. I grieve for this man too. I have to for you see he is my brother in the human race.

I hope he gets punished for his crime. I hope that he heals from his wounds and he decides to cooperate with the investigators so someone can stop the next assault, because you see my friends there will be more assaults. Not because we live in now a terrible world, for you see there have always been assaults; but because we all have the propensity to harm others.

I think there is one very frightened little boy laying in the hospital wondering how it all went wrong. Or at least my heart hopes so. That is the way I can make sense of it all!

Blessed be!

Wednesday, April 17, 2013

I carry Wasp energy

When I was around 8 years of age, I was sitting on my grandmother's metal glider. What I didn't know was that there was a wasp nest under it and the community did not like that I was swinging the glider.

Before I knew it I was swarmed by the wasps and stung, my mom said, probably 50 times. I had stings all over my body. The interesting thing is that until 5 years ago I thought it was my middle sister who had the experience. I can close my eyes and see her getting stung; her sitting on the kitchen counter getting attended to; her crying, but in fact it was me. Funny how the mind works.

So I have been thinking lately about wasps; maybe cause there is a wasp nest now in the ceiling of my balcony. But none the less; wasp has been on my mind as has this experience. I looked up WASP symbolism and this is what I found:

 Animal Symbolism of the Wasp
Animal symbolism of the Wasp Animal symbolism of the wasp deals with:
  • order
  • construction
  • communication
  • involvement
  • development
  • progress
  • team-work
  • productivity
In some African traditions, the wasp is a symbol of evolution, and control over our life circumstances.
Some Native American Indian tribal myth inidcates the wasp as the creator of the earth, and was a symbol of order, organization as well as productivity.
Ancient European lore recognizes the wasp as big part in pollination. Here the wasp is symbolic of fertility as this genre of earth-based believers honored the wasp for its role in continuation of certain plants and flowers.
The prime season of the wasp is spring, and so it is symbolic of new beginnings, and starting new projects.
The wasp is very social, and has special means of communication with its family. When the wasp appears in our lives it is a message for us to consider our own methods of communication. The wasp might be a sign that we may need to express ourselves more clearly.
Because the wasp is symbolic of communication, order and productivity, those who encounter the wasp may ask themselves:
  • "Are all my affairs in order?"
  • "Am I aligning myself with my goals?"
  • "Am I procrastinating about something?"
  • "Am I keeping myself from reaching my highest potential?"
  • "Am I allowing my progress to be held back by others?"
Those with the wasp as their totem may learn more by asking these questions of themselves, and calling upon the wasp for more clarification too.
Wasps are perfect totems for those of us who need a bit of organized focus, and assistance with assertive communication.
The wasp can also help in areas of building, whether it be a new home, or building on a dream - the wasp is a master architect and can guide you with the planning of any building project you have in mind.

Interesting enough is that I am a very organized person and when I look back over my life of employment I see that I succeed at everything I do. I am highly productive.

So, I think when I was stung; I received WASP energy that has led me through my life! I am all about community and good communication. My affairs are in order; I align myself with my goals and I never procrastinate.

But I must say, I need to call upon WASP now that I have this dream of living in a cottage type house surrounded by trees. I can feel it in my soul that this will happen. What is holding me back? The fear that I cannot afford to do this. It is all about money.

So that's my connection with the wasp! There is something to be said that I didn't have a bad reaction to the stings; only that itching that comes from a bee sting. But the gifts have been worth every sting. Especially since I only remember it happening to my sister!

Gotta love the brain of protection!

Blessed be!

Sunday, April 7, 2013

The Magick I Work

I thought I was going to Earthfare this morning for groceries; which I did get; but it was the drive to and from that was the reason for my trip this morning. Traveling from Lake Wylie to Rock Hill takes me through farm land; areas of small and aging homes and a few broken down barns and many many beautiful trees now in full regalia! And a tremendous amount of memories flooded my mind and heart as I drove there and back.

I began remembering homes I had been in when I first began my career as a Social Worker. Initially I worked with the elderly and disabled adults. Many of the families I worked with in Chesapeake, Virginia lived in what seemed to be old slave quarters; but now they were called "the Projects." They were really one room buildings with a woodstove for heat ; a very small stove and sink; sometimes a refrigerator and sometimes not; a very small toilet and bathtub and a living room/bed room area that was entered from the front door. These places were dark and smelled of urine and old food and the wood stove.

And yet the people who invited me to join their journey were warm, loving, accepting and poor. They often offered me their last bit of food as a way to include me into their family. I wouldn't accept it; I was told not to!

And then I began to remember other families; some I could call by name still after almost 40 years and many who were just faces appearing to me on my drive to and from Earthfare.

Memories of children I "rescued" from abusive families; women I "rescued" from abusive kids and men; stories I heard from birth families and from foster and adoptive parents. All as I was invited to enter into their own stories of love, grief, loss, abuse, successes and many failures. And I always accepted the invitation to enter into their own story; often sharing bits and pieces of my own and also sharing food with them. After awhile I learned how to break the rules in order to meld with those who so desperately needed someone to bring Light into their otherwise Dark world.

That is The Magick I Work! That was the reason for my trip to Earthfare and back this morning.

You see, I would love to be the Witch who could create great magick in the kitchen and garden. I would love to be the Witch who could do spells and call down incredible energy at the altar. I would love to be the Witches in Practical Magic or the Witches who I friend on facebook.

But the fact is I Work a Different Kind of Magic. I bring Light! I bring Hope! I bring a Different Way of Looking at an Old Path! I Know People! I have a gift for being aware of what they need or what they want even before they do! I have the gift of not being so arrogant as to think that what I know is really what they will accept or even is exactly right for them at the time we are together. Sometimes I get to plant the seed and then have faith that it will take root and grow when Goddess knows it is the right time.

I am no longer a "social worker", but I still Work Magick! At the job I have now, people come to me to talk about their frustrations, their struggles or just stop by my cubicle to see me smile at them. That is the Magick I work. I am AVAILABLE!

And I am open to always entering someones journey; no matter how difficult; how chaotic; or how threatening. I am there to enter into journeys that others shy away from; and I am there to be a Voice for those without a Voice! And I have a loud voice sometimes.

Recently a friend told me to "calm down" when I became very out spoken about the amount of money the Catholic church has and yet so many are hungry. He said to me, "You really get too excited over things you have no control over." Ahhh, but you see that is the Magick I work. I am willing to be the Voice for those things others think they have no control over. I know I have don't have control either, but that doesn't keep me from being the Voice! Being the Voice for the LBGT; a Voice for Women; a Voice for abused children; a Voice against pornography; against those who don't understand mental illness and a Voice that speaks for peace, love, understanding and Light!

This is the Magick I work. And it is good Magick! And it is Magick that goes deeper than anything I can even begin to imagine. It amazes me when someone tells me, "You are always smiling! It makes it easier to get through my day with you here." That my friend is true Magick.

So, I will continue to grow herbs on my balcony and try to remember what each are for. And I will collect stones and have to keep going back to my book to remember what they are used for or even their names. And I will set my altar for each Sabbat and then forget to spend time there.

But what I know how to do instinctively is be Available and to Listen. I know how to be ready to say yes when invited into someones life if for a moment passing in the hallway or for a lifetime. That is the Magick I Work!

Funny how all it takes sometimes is to go to the grocery store outside your neighborhood and Life makes sense!

Aho and Blessed be!

Saturday, April 6, 2013


I grew up on the wrong side of the tracks in a town called Roanoke, Virginia. You see when I was growing up and it still is today, the City was known by it's three sections:  Northwest, South Roanoke and Southeast. Northwest was where the Blacks and poor whites lived, South Roanoke was where the rich white people lived and Southeast had the poor white trash, and the white rednecks and the whites who were trying to move up the ladder. I grew up in Southeast.

Well, that was until my daddy decided to move us to Southwest Roanoke County. Now that was where the middle class was moving into as the farm land was being developed into subdivisions. My Daddy had great intentions and it turned out to be real good for my siblings but not so much for me.

He moved us in the middle of my 7th grade year and decided to keep taking me back to Lee Junior School in the City which had a reputation as being the badass school for white trash. I began my life in Southwest Roanoke County being carted back and forth to Lee Junior where the girls were as mean and trashy as the boys. I got beat up on the way to the bus after school one day by a gang of girls just because.

It was true, I never fit in at that school. I was a nice girl who didn't fight and I came from a family who had good values, a mom who stayed at home raising 5 kids and a dad who worked long hours to support us all. We went to church every Sunday and we all knew we were loved and cared for.

So off we moved and the persecution and abuse began. Now before I go on, I want to say that it was not all bad. We lived within walking distance of the neighborhood swimming pool and I have great memories of hanging with friends there. I played basketball all my high school years and had friends there. But I know Persecution first hand.

I won't own that I have felt anything like the Persecution others have, BUT, I never was accepted into the "life" of Southwest County Cave Spring High School because as soon as I moved into the neighborhood and kids knew from where I hailed, I had a label stuck right on me. I was the girl from SouthEast! White Trash, Redneck, and from the "wrong side of the tracks" were the labels I carried with me until graduation.

My Daddy was a salesman and did very well for himself and the family. Our home in SW County was very nice; mom didn't have to work; but money was tight and I didn't have the clothing the other girls had and I didn't get to go places, didn't get to be in dance, etc. I played basketball.

But I was happy for the most part, smiled all the time but so wanted to be a part of the popular group or at least the group that didn't have the label of "from the wrong side of the tracks" pinned on it.

I was rewarded with the nickname of Horseface by the boy across the street as I had a large overbite that couldn't be fixed due to money issues and a dentist who told my parents I had soft teeth and would not have an issue with "buck teeth". But you see I did. Horseface followed me for long after I graduated from the 99% white upper middle class school where all the kids got to have braces and expensive clothing (well, a large majority!).

In fact, when my ex husband and I started dating after high school (he graduated 2 years before me); we would frequently run into his friends from high school and the comment would be, "Hey there Bob! Oh, and Horseface? You guys are dating?" Needless to say he ran in the "popular" group at high school.

So why am I blogging about this? Well, that is how I ended up marrying this man. You see I was swept away by the fact that this guy from the popular group in high school wanted to date me, the girl "from the wrong side of the tracks." And swept away I was. It never dawned on me to look at who this man really was, who his family really was, or even how he too looked at me as the "girl from the wrong side of the tracks" that he was saving me and would turn into....well, never figured out that one....but I never met his standards that is for sure.

Being persecuted changes a person. Being persecuted has one seeing reality in such a different way. Being persecuted causes one to make decisions that are not always in ones best interests.

I think staying in my brother's mansion all week has led me to think about my past and my present. Yes, I can truly say that I survived! I became a Voice for those who too were persecuted, abused, disenfranchised, neglected, bullied, etc. I have a heart for all people no matter what side of the tracks they live on and for that I am eternally grateful!

So that is my blog for today. No pictures, just words so you can paint your own images. Cause you see, I know that probably everyone who is going to bless me by reading this will have their own stories to tell. Some so much more traumatizing, debilitating, and life changing than mine. And I honor your journey as I honor my own!

Blessed be and love to all as we journey together!

Sunday, March 31, 2013

Free as a Bird!

Free as a bird! I grew up hearing this language and today sitting on the lake eating my oatmeal I think I finally embraced this as my own!

I live in a country where "Freedom" is the first name of United States of America. We claim to be a free country and we even send our military into other countries to make sure they are "free" too. But by whose standards do we define Freedom?

I am Free to think and feel as I want but not if I am too loud about it or offend someone. I am free to chose my friends but not my family. I am free to chose who to marry but not if they are female or transgendered. I am free to live where I want but not if I can't pay the rent when I am out of work. I am free to worship how and where I want but not if it means casting a circle and celebrating skyclad outside of my own apartment. I am free to be a woman but not in the pulpit of many churches. I am free not to be raped but not if I wear short skits and see through tops without a bra.

I am Free!

What I am free to be is ME! I am free to speak my mind, to believe as I want and to embrace whoever and whatever I want to. I am free to speak that I am Pagan Witch and not care if someone doesn't like it. I am free to be Woman and speak for the return of the matrilineal times of the Goddess. I am free to love or not love who or what ever I want. I am free to dance, sing and rejoice in the life that I live.

I am free to live in this body for as long as it lasts unless someone else decides that I am no longer free to do so.

I am free to be the Spirit that I was created to be.

And so I am free as a bird. Free to fly over the Lake with grace and beauty! Free to soar as I embrace all that I am. Free from the threats of hell and damnation. Free from the fear of sin and judgment.

I am free as a bird!

May you also embrace the freedom that you have. There are still rules and those who want to convince us otherwise, but we are still free! Not as the government says, but as the Goddess tells us!

Aho and Blessed be! 

Wednesday, March 27, 2013

Sometimes there's a pause in the growth

It's been a week since I took a walk in my Forest. The last time it was warm and every thing seemed to be bursting forth with new growth.

Today it seemed that nothing had progressed. I stood in the midst of the "winter looking" forest with the growth exactly as it was a week ago and asked Gaia, "What is going on?"

And She said: "The weather turned cold. Sometimes there's a pause in Growth."

Just like us human be-ings! All of a sudden this amazing growth begins; right after we have weathered a very long and stormy winter time in our development; and wham; it stops. We see the buds of growth and then nothing. And we get very frustrated. What is going on we ask?

Well, Gaia spoke Her Lesson today in very visible ways. Sometimes there's a pause in growth. Maybe it's because we hit a cold spell and have to wait until the warmth returns. Sometimes we have moved way faster than the Growth can happen and so we have to pause and let the Growth catch up to us. And sometimes we have to catch up to the Growth.

When that happens to me; I remember to sit and wait. I remember to be patient and trust that while I wait Goddess is stirring up more Growth to come. But it is always in Her Time!

It's Spring! The Wheel is Turning! Watch and Wait and then Sprout like crazy!

Aho and Blessed be!

Sunday, March 24, 2013

On Death: Ode to Nola Jean

Yesterday I had the honor of being invited to speak at the Celebration Service for a beautiful woman; Nola Jean! Her daughers invited me to join with family and friends to reflect on this last part of her Earthly Journey. This is what I spoke:

On Death from The Prophet by Kahlil Gibran:

"Then Almitra spoke, saying, "We would ask now of Death."
And he said:
You would know the secret of death.
But how shall you find it unless you seek it in the heart of life?
The owl whose night-bound eyes are blind unto the day cannot unveil the mystery of life.
For life and death are one, even as the river and the sea are one.
In the depth of your hopes and desires lies your silent knowledge of the beyond;
And like seeds dreaming beneath the snow your heart dreams of spring.
Trust the dreams, for in them is hidden the gate to eternity.
Your fear of death is but the trembling of the shepherd when he stands before the king whose hand is to be laid upon him in honour.
Is the sheered not joyful beneath his trembling, that he shall wear the mark of the king?
Yet is he not more mindful of his trembling?
For what is it to die but to stand naked in the wind and to melt into the sun?
And what is to cease breathing, but to free the breath from its restless tides, that it may rise and expand and see God unencumbered?
Only when you drink from the river of slience shall you indeed sing.
And when you have reached the mountain top, then you shall begin to climb.
And when the earth shall claim your limbs, then shall you truly dance."

My Reflection:

Death is hard. It is hard for the one who longs to stick around with family and friends and it is especially hard for those of us left behind while our loved one travels to Heaven; Summerland.

If we listen closely to Kahlil Gibran, The Prophet, we hear words of comfort. We hear that we fear death because we fear standing before "the King". But Gibran tells us this king is there to lay hands upon "the shepherd" in honor and not in judgment.

He tells us that with ceasing to breathe, we are then free of all the restless tides. We are free from frighting the next fight; the next worry; the next disturbance in our soul and the pain that so frequently comes at the end of our lives.

We are now free to seek God "unencumbered." That means that we are finally free of what everyone else has told us about what awaits us; and we are free to search for the Divine Creator. We are free to sing and climb mountain tops and dance.

Can you see Nola singing and dancing on the mountain top?
Can you imagine her seeking her Creator amongst the Stars and Planets and the Moon and Sun?
Can you imagine how she will feel when she stands before her Creator and is honored for the Life she led while she was on this Planet?

Nola did many wonderful things while she traveled this Earth and she spoke words of the Divine to her children and to her friends and family.
She stood and gazed in awe at the celestial bodies; she looked at stones and crystals in amazement knowing that only something bigger than her could have created such brilliance.
She was seeking the Divine on her Earthly Journey and now she is rejoicing and discovering new and wonderful things!

"And when the earth shall claim your limbs, then shall you truly dance."

Dance into Heaven, Nola Jean! Dance unencumbered and find your God waiting to honor you!

Let us pray:

Oh Mother/Father God, we thank you for the beautiful life of Nola Jean! Her time on this Earthly Journey has come to an end, but she left hand prints all over the hearts of everyone and everything she touched. Give peace to Dolores, Dory and David and all who loved her. Goddess guide her transition to Summerland and when we look at the Stars may we see her dancing there.

Aho and Amen!