Saturday, February 28, 2015

I am Weary of the Roller Coaster ride!

Now, I use to love roller coaster rides! Haven't actually been on one since my disc surgery and probably won't again in this life time. I will miss the thrill of the curves, the drops and the speed.

What I don't like are the roller coasters of life!

(pix of the roller coaster in my home town: Lakeside amusement park now demolished)

I remember when I worked at Lakeside Amusement Park and a bunch of us decided to ride the roller coaster 50 times in a row. It was a slow day and so that is exactly what we did. 50 times on this old wooden roller coaster (maybe that is why years later I had to have 3 discs fused together in my neck!). Half way through I remember thinking, "ok, I'm done, I want this to stop, I want to get off!" But I stayed on and when it was over I think it was a very long time before I got back on the Shooting Star!

That being said, today, "I'm done! I want this to stop, I want to get off!" My life have been a roller coaster ride of late and I am weary.

It takes a lot for me to grow Weary. I tend to have high energy levels (well, not as high now that I am in my 60's but still more than a lot of people my age!) and can weather most of the major drops and climbs with grace and optimism.

But right now...not so much. And good grief...I should be flying around those curves and down those hills smiling all the way with my hands in the air! My first book is getting ready to be published for goodness sakes. And yes, that is the thrill as I take that first climb to the top of the highest point on the ride!

But I am weary, and unlike the old days, when I felt totally guilty about feeling this way, I am admitting it with all my might! I WANT TO GET OFF!

I want people to take a break and not die for awhile (in the last 2 months, 2 aunts, a cousin and yes even Spock!) I want to not have to debate with my mom whether we are going to funerals (no, we didn't get invited to Nimoy's...just sayin') and then help her work through the guilt of the decision not to go. I want funerals to actually be about the woman who dies and not the man who is left behind. I want those who deserve to die (like my pedophile brother and my ex) to do so and those like my 41 year old cousin...yes and Nimoy.... not to!

But I am happy that my first Social Security Check was deposited this week AND that my 1st book is going to be published!!!!

I don't want to deal with vertigo or the arthritis in my left thumb joint. Nor do I want the next mouth surgery in March where I have my entire lower gums filled with cadaver skin to build up my recessive gums and then a month later have more implant surgery!

I am thrilled that my son is in his first apartment and working full time.

I don't like that his ex is stalking and harassing him to the point he will have to get a restraining order.

I am happy that my daughter is an outspoken and wise woman, will be heading to Texas next weekend for a conference and then off to Maine in 6 weeks.

I don't like that I am now trying to fit 34 hours of work into 24 hours a week. All the same expectations are there for me to produce at the same level as I did before.

I am weary.

And this is Life!

I know it to be true, but today, I want to get on the Merry Go Round and ride the beautiful horses!


I remember in the last 2 years of my marriage saying over and over again, "Someone stop this Merry go Round and let me get off!"

Maybe amusement parks aren't as fun as they look.

I think I will stay away from the Haunted House!

Blessed be!

Saturday, February 21, 2015

Ripping is good for the Anger inside

I have just spent 2 hours sitting on my couch ripping pictures out of magazines for my SoulCollage cards. I realized I had to rip and tear to keep me from ripping and tearing apart certain family members.

This week has been hard; physically, emotionally, and spiritually.

As most, I come from a dysfunctional family. Didn't feel that way until the man who also came from my mother's womb and my dad's sperm (I can no longer call him brother and I no longer acknowledge him as such) began his total destruction of the family and then bowed out totally for 8 years to lick his own wounds. Then I found out what he had done to my two sisters; one with memories of the 6 years of sexual abuse and 1 with no memories of her childhood at all and wondering what happened to her. Both suffer consequences of such horrible power and control of a brother on a sister.

When my youngest sister was 17, she told our parents and they chose to do nothing and take no responsibility. Later on, he treated them badly and didn't speak to them for 8 years.  He does not visit them and now calls every now and then and my mom gets all giddy and excited. It sickens me to my very core!

Oh my goodness...but all has been forgiven by my mom because the Bible tells her so! I have let it be (well for the most part) as she is old and she is a Christian and he is her son, blah blah blah! But I do speak my mind to her.

Yesterday, my other brother who totally loves his brother and says everyone just needs to get over this posted a picture on Facebook of this man officiating a Redskin football game this past fall with a glorifying post of his awesome brother. My mom/dad then commented how wonderful and my mom/dad shared the picture on their page with also wonderful words.

It took everything in  me to comment: "Oh yea....THE PEDOPHILE MONSTER coaching football! Wow, let's celebrate!"

Instead I unfriended both my mom/dad and my brother.

Last night my middle sister (we don't talk often) called me and we talked for 3 hours. She has been dealing with all of this and was triggered into outrageous anger by the posting and honoring of this Monster, especially after our mom/dad shared it.

Now, I could kinda get past it, but these are the same people who had to "unfollow" my gay nephew cause they get sicken by looking at the pictures of their grandson with his boyfriend. They re-share pictures of my youngest nieces pictures with their new boyfriends and all other friends of theirs, but not their gay grandson! He is sinful and going against god's commands and yet they will post out there the picture of their PEDOPHILE SON! What is wrong with this world?

And I sat through a 1 1/2 hour funeral for my wonderful and loving Aunt Edith on Thursday where her name was not mentioned but maybe 5 times. The rest of the time the three men who spoke (some man who was promoting his book and 2 pastors) hailed the wonderful man my uncle was/is as he taught so many to fly airplanes, and the awesome Flying Service that my uncle had. My Aunt ran the business and he taught the flying.


Now, I know that my paternal family had/has strong feeling about women, anyone not white, anyone not Christian, etc, but this was just so horrible. I am so happy that my Uncle is totally deaf and slept through the entire funeral that he couldn't hear anyway. I want to believe he would not have been happy with this funeral.


I really want to pack up, move out into the forest where no one can find me but my kids and my youngest sister and those Sisters of the Goddess Table! I am tired at 62 of everything. I am tired. So very tired.

So, until I can actually run away (which will probably never happen), I am going back to tearing and ripping pictures out of magazines....that makes sense to me.

And I will cry inside and out for the Inner little girls of my sisters and all the women in the world who have had their childhoods stolen by men; and their adult lives damaged by men.

Blessed be! 

Wednesday, February 11, 2015

Working with Poppets

It has only been in the past year that I have seriously begun working magick with Poppets. At first I rejected the idea because I thought you had to have a sewing machine and like actually SEW! Not on my list of gifts!

Then my sweet witch mentor Autumn, told me that I could use construction paper, crayons, pens, markers, etc. and work the magick with that. Ok! I could do that and I have!

My first Poppet was for my daughter, who is a manager of a Country Club restaurant, and they desperately needed a chef. So she asked if I could work some magick for the right person to show up and take the job! I did my first Poppet and low and behold two days later she called saying, "Mom, did you do magick cause we have a Chef and he is going to be incredible."

Well, that was all it took and I was sold. Nothing like immediate affirmation.

So, I have done a few more here and there alone and also joined in with other witches when they needed extra energy for magick they were doing with poppets.

This blog is about my most recent Poppet. I want to share the story and outcome because it was not exactly the outcome I asked for or expected. BUT, what it showed me is that magick is all about being aligned with the Universe's plan. And it seems that I was!

My son who is 33 years old and trying to find his niche in life, entered graduate school last fall in the Occupational Therapy Program at Radford University. He was very excited about it, and the first few weeks were good, but soon the experience turned ugly and he had to drop out. He had taken a loan out for the tuition and since it was past the drop/add period, the University refused to reimburse any of the money. He was discriminated against based on religion and mental illness and they kept giving him the run around.

Enter, Mama Witch!!!! Without telling him (and he still doesn't know), I made a Poppet.

On January 8, 2015 I made the Poppet and did a ritual asking for Radford University to reimburse my son all the money he had paid to them. My son, had quit his job because the program did not allow work outside school. So here he was with no job and no money and no school. As you can see I covered this Poppet with money symbols and Runes and also had quarters all over it. The Runes were about prosperity, happiness, wisdom, new trade, movement, journey of the soul, strength, positive outcome, good health, protection, etc.

Every day I spoke to the Poppet and lit candles, and chanted and drummed. But nothing was happening.

On January 26th, I took the Poppet to the Lake and Spoke the intention to Lady of the Lake. You see my son is a swimmer, a swim coach and a lifeguard/pool manager in the summer. Water is his second home. So I just knew Lady of the Lake would help. I tore the Poppet into little pieces and threw them into the Lake with a Penny that I found as I was walking to the Lake that day. I threw rocks into the Lake to disperse the pieces of the Poppet.

This past Sunday, February 8th, I got a call from my son. Now this in and of itself is unusual as he does not call me, maybe he will text from time to time but he hates talking on the phone. Here was the gist of the phone call.

"Hey Mom, I have good news! I went into Mill Mountain Coffee Shop (where he has worked off and on since college) to see if they needed help and was told the owner had been wondering how to get in touch with me. So I called him and he offered me a full time manager job at one of the stores that hadn't been doing well. I told him I could give him until the summer as I was thinking of moving out of town. Well, he offered me so much money a week to give him 1 year I couldn't turn it down. And it has been 2 weeks and the store has totally turned around! I love being a manger and am so happy.

Oh, and Mom, a local guy works with people training for Triathlons and he wondered if I would be interested in offering private swim lessons to the adults training. It's good money and I can do on my own schedule.

I also told the owner of the coffee shop that I had to coach the Summer Swim Team at the local pool and he said, 'To have you back, we will work around it.'

And the best yet, Mom, I signed a lease on a one bedroom apartment today!" (Now, this is a huge step as my son has NEVER lived alone and he had been sleeping on a friend's couch as he had broken up with his girlfriend. The bad thing was that his roommate is very allergic to cats so my son had to leave his cats with his ex girlfriend until he decided what to do. He was NOT going to go back to his Dad's, but that might have been an option and would have been a big step backwards in his healing.)"

After talking all this out and being so excited for him, etc I asked the big question: "Have you heard anything from Radford University about your money?" "Nope Mom, and it looks like I would have to sue them and I don't have the money to do that. I am going to chalk it up to Lesson Learned. I will continue looking at grad schools as I really want to do OT but right now, I am so happy and can't believe how all this just fell into my lap!"

Well, sisters, do you see what I saw? I limited myself in only asking for one thing (money to be returned), but the Runes I had welded on the Poppet asked for so much more and the Universe listened. Wow! A full time job, a second job and an APARTMENT BY HIMSELF !!! That in and of itself is the best part!

Yep, I believe in the Magick of Poppets but I also believe that it wasn't me who made all this happen. It was me believing in Magick and the power of aligning myself with what the Universe already wanted to see happen.

So, don't forget using Poppets in your magick. You don't even have to Sew! Sweet!

Blessed be!