Shamanic Journey to Healing

Just when I think "the healing" is done; the Guest returns and reminds me there is always a bit more to do.

Yesterday, I attended a workshop led by 4 women entitled "Empowering the Divine Feminine". The workshop began with a Shamanic Journey. The Music and Sounds were the most Powerful I had ever Heard. Shamanic Heart Opening Ritual was led by Marcella. I tried to stay Focused on my Heart, but I was not to do that; instead I was to actually Journey through the Heart to the next level of Healing.

I entered a Cave; Dark and Foreboding, but Familiar and Comfortable; I knew I had Great Work to do in this Place. As I Arrived at the Center of the Cave I stood Face to Face with my Ex husband. There he stood with His Arrogant Look, His Demeaning Eyes, and his Narcissistic aura.

I Faced him and began to Strip him Bare. With my Magick I Stripped his Clothing from his Body. The Look on his Face began to Change to Confusion, but he remained Standing with his Narcissistic Aura fully in tact. With this I slowly Peeled away his Skin. His Aura became Dimmer and the Confusion turned to Fear and Awe. Finally I took out my Athame and Cut off his Penis. This is Threw into a small Fire that had been lit Beside Me. It was then that I Noticed the Wombyn from all Time standing Behind me.

(The music was escalating at this point). I Stood very Tall and Banished him Deep into the Cave Saying that he would Never hurt his Children, Me or Anyone else. As he was Sucked into the Depths and Darkness of the Cave, I lifted my Hands and Called Down the Huge Stones of the Cavern and they Sealed off the area where this Evil Man had been Sent.

I Turned and the Sea of Wombyn parted and I walked Boldly out of the Cave with the Wombyn following. When we Arrived outside the Cave a bonfire had been lit and Wombyn were already Dancing around it. I took my Space and Danced with them.

It was then that I saw Myself being Engulfed by the Flames. Smothered and Cleansed. Then I saw My Self Rising from the Flames, with my Daughter on my Left and my Son on my Right. We rose from the Ashes and there Waiting for Us was a Red and Magnificent Phoenix. We climbed unto Her Back and She soared over the Fire and let us off at a Crossroads. Here I stood with my Daughter on my Left and my Son on my Right. I gave each a Blessings of Love and Freedom and Sent them Down their Own Paths.

As I Stood there Watching my Children Traveling Down their Own Paths, I was Joined by Wolf to my Right and Brown Bear to my Left!

Together we walked to a Field where I laid Down in the Midst of Gorgeous Flowers. Wolf laid to my Right and Brown Bear on my Left. Fairies showed up in the Forest, bearing Honey and Bread for the next Journey. They Tended to me with Care and Love, Tenderness and Devotion.

I then Saw Myself being led into a Deep Pool of Water. As I Floated, still being Attended by the Fae, I Realized that I was Floating in my Own Tears; being Supported by My Own Tears; and the Fae told Me that it is in the Tears that I will find my Memories.

Eventually, I Stood up in the Pool of Tears and Walked Naked out onto a Path; Wolf joining me at My Right and Brown Bear at my Left.

The Three of Us Walked Down a Path, the Beginning of the Next Chapter of The Journey.

And the Music Stopped. And Marcella was Bringing Us Back.

Blessed be!

  

Our Last Time to be "just You and Me"!

I am Celebrating a very Special Day today, February 15th. You see, 30 years ago, it was Just Me and my Daughter. She was still Nestled inside the Protective, Nourishing confines of my Womb. She was Moving ever so Slightly as She was near Her time to be Born. I Cherished every Movement, every Hiccup, every Moment Shared as No One else could Share. No one else could ever Share Her with Me. She was Mine and I was Hers. Together We had Traveled for 9 months and Now it was the Day before She was to Arrive into a New World.

Like all of us, Stephanie would leave the Waters of her Mom's Womb and enter a world where She would have to be bombarded by lights, sounds, temperature variations, pain and loss. But today, 30 years ago, She still Swam in my Amniotic Fluid; She received her Nourishment via the Umbilical Cord connecting us in a way She would never be Connected to another until and if She Bore her own Child, and She was Safe and Loved in a Special Way. 

And so today I honor that Last day that was only Stephanie and Me!

And tomorrow at 9:15 am She will move into her 30th year of Living Outside the Protection of Me. And as Mom's we never are able to Protect in the same Way again.

Birth brings both a Joy and a Sadness. I Grieved for a few minutes the Loss of Her inside Me, but Rejoiced in the Knowing that I would be Invited along for the Ride of her Journey. And what a Ride it has been.

It has been amazing to Watch as She has Grown into a Confident, Independent, Successful, Talented, Loving, Caring, Vocal, Amazing Woman! She has shown a Resilience that makes me Catch my Breath as I watch from afar. She has been such a Blessing to Everyone she Meets, Everyone She Shares that incredible Smile with, and Everyone She Comforts during Times of Loss and Struggle.

Today, in the Quiet of my Heart I Re-Member this Last day 30 years ago. Hard to Believe that this Time has Passed. Hard to Believe that I did Once Hold her Tightly in my Body, I ate right, I exercised, I did all I could do to take Care of her during those crucial 9 months and then I said a quiet Good-bye as She was taken from my Womb by C-section.

I find Tears today as I sit with this Memory. Tears for the Journey both of Us have been on. Tears of Joy and Sadness. Tears of Thanksgiving for being Chosen to Birth this particular Goddess into the World.

And Her Journey continues with each Passing Day! And I Thank Stephanie for including Me in Her Life Journey, for Reaching out Daily to Others, and most of all for Loving Me, the Woman Who Held Her Safely inside until She was ready to take Her first Breath in the Garden full of Rainbows, Brilliant Colors and Music; and ready to Soak up All the Gifts that She was Given in order to be a Blessing as the Goddess incarnate.

I am Honored! I am Humbled! I am full of Love for this beautiful Woman I call Goddess Stephanie Bryce!

We are not of the world?

What happens when we no longer see ourselves as "of the world."
What happens when we see ourselves as separate from the world and a part of something that lives outside of this planet?
What happens when we are brainwashed by a patriarchal religion and thought patten that separates the spiritual from the flesh?

And Jesus prays to "his father" knowing that he is to be arrested. "I have given them your word, and the world has hated them because they do not belong to the world, just as I do not belong to the world. I am not asking you to take them out of the world, but I ask you to protect them from the evil one. They do not belong to the world, just as I do not belong to the world." (John 17:15-16)

This was not always the thought pattern. It has only been the thought pattern for the past 4000 years of patriarchal rule and domination. Once we take ourselves Out of the World, we then begin to see reasons to rape, pillar, dominate, pollute, take what is not ours, destroy, wage war on our neighbor, murder, steal, abuse, neglect, etc etc etc. We no longer See this world as the Mother; the One we grew from; the One who nourishes us, the One who parents us with Her visual teachings as we move through each day!

Goddess religions which survived for 300,00-400,00 years before the Bronze Age of Patriarchal Infiltration, set the imagery of Oneness with the Divine; and the Divine was the Entire Creation. As a result the peoples were a community; not an individual. Thus there was a reason to love the neighbor, help the neighbor, understand the neighbor and work together for the betterment and enlightenment of all.

I thought of this on my walk today as I was standing in the Forest looking at the sun coming through the trees; as I walked upon the sacred earth; as I observed the budding of trees readying themselves for Spring; listening to Crows flying overheard and a Woodpecker looking for bugs now coming alive with the warmth; and gazing upon what I now will Call Mother Tree!

Monica Sjoo & Barbara Moor in The Great Cosmic Mother says this: "Lesbian and even hetero feminists who are 'into the Goddess' have opted for cultural-political separatism; they have 'left politics' and political solutions, that is, by blaming the world's problems on men, and then refusing to have anything more to do with 'the man's world'--i.e, 'Let him clean up his own mess." The glaring problem with this separatist  solution is that 'the man's world' is still filled with a majority population of women and children--it is women and children doing most of the suffering 'out there,' and to turn one's back on 'the mans' world' is to turn one's back on them." (pg 416-417)

(Do you see how the current political and religious institutions have this mentality even within the patriarchal structure?)

They continue: "A genuine understanding of 'the Goddess' would not allow us to do this; a true ontological experience of the Great Mother, and of the complete physical as well as spiritual bonding-together of all life on earth, would not allow us us to turn our backs on 'the man's world'--for we are in and of that world now and its suffering is an extension of us, as we are an extension of it. In a true reliving of the world's first religion, we can make no distinctions between 'the life of the spirit' and 'the life of the flesh,' FOR THEY ARE ONE (my capitalization). And so, we make no separation between 'spirituality' and 'politics.' WE ARE THIS WORLD, we cannot leave it. We can only  work to transform it as we transform ourselves, in acts of evolution and revolution." (pg 417)

This All came barreling Down on me standing there looking at Mother Tree; Belly Button protruding as most women's do during pregnancy. The message very clear to me: WE ARE THE WORLD AND THE WORLD IS US AND ALL IS GODDESS!

Now, I spent time with the patriarchal lies but knew on a deeper level that something was wrong with the separation of my spiritual self and my physical self. I would cry when I saw pictures of Native Peoples laying in the ditches at Wounded Knee wondering how in the world one person(s) could in the name of God just out and out take land away from people and then march them outside of their community and then kill them? What part of "Do not Kill?" did this people not understand? I searched my Bible, I talked to my Pastors and what I go was more, "There is this evil in the world and if all would believe in Jesus there would be peace on earth." What? There wasn't peace in the very church I spend most of my life totally involved in. Oh yea, Original Sin?

I recommend that everyone read The Great Cosmic Mother. It will finally put the pieces together as to what has happened to bring us to this point. And it is frustrating and scarey and like some of my feminist sisters, I too want to run away and just live out the rest of my journey reading books and dancing under the full moon! But this book has unsettled a soul that was already totally unsettled.

So here is the response to John 17: 15-16 and the reason we must all find ways to be activists:

"...the Goddess does not 'live' solely in elite separatist retreats, dancing naked in the piney woods under a white and well-fed moon. The Goddess at this moment is starving to death in refugee camps, with a skeletal child clutched to her dry nipples. The Goddess at this moment is undergoing routine strip-and-squat search inside an American prison. The goddess is on welfare, raising her children in a ghetto next to a freeway interchange that fills their blood cells and neurons with lead. The Goddess is an eight-year-old girl being used for the special sexual thrills of visiting businessmen in a Brazilian brothel. The Goddess is patrolling with a rifle slung over her shoulder, trying to save a revolution in Nicaragua. The Goddess is Winnie Mandela in South Africa, saying 'Don't push me." I.e., the Goddess IS the world--the Goddess is IN the world. And NOBODY can escape the world. We know this, but we forget it." (pg 417-418)

If we embrace this then we can't engage in anything the Patriarchal Ideology brainwashes people with. But we can't hide away in our Forest Cottages and hope something will change. We must speak the Truth in whatever way the Goddess asks us to do that. But first we must transform our own thinking. I still find myself thinking and saying things that show I have not been totally cleansed of this bullshit mentality.

We are the Garden and the Garden is us! And it and we are beautiful! We are the Goddess and the Goddess is us! We are the other and the other is us! When we embrace this we no longer find it right and worthy to rape, destroy, dominate, put down, pollute, etc etc etc.

And by the way; who the heck wants a Savior/God who clearly says they are not of the world? Does that sound like a good mother who would say to their child: "oh by the way, you might of been birthed by me but I am not apart of you and you are not apart of me." 

Blessed be!

Do you think therapy might help?

This was the Question posed to me last week.

" Do you think therapy might help you?" The Question came from my 80 year old mom who thinks that I have Stopped wearing Make up, am letting my thin fine Hair grow long and have embraced the Goddess because by doing all of this I have put a Barrier up to keep men away from Me.

Ok, just sit with that for a minute. I guess she Forgot that I was in Therapy before, during and after my divorce, and have been a few more times over the 11 years since I left the narcissistic man who was Controlling, Abusive and just damn Mean. I guess she forgot that I have been the Radical Feminist, the tree hugging Hippie "democrat" since like forever. I guess she just doesn't Understand and I really don't expect her to at this age.

What I was Saying to my sisters was that if she would just Listen she would Understand that not wearing make up and letting my hair grow without coloring it, etc. is my way of Embracing the Body that was Given to me without having to Live by the Patriarchal Standards that encourage Wombyn to dress to Attract a man. Now, please don't get me wrong, I do not Judge any wombyn for wearing make up (Goddess knows I did from age 13 until 2 years ago!); or cutting their hair in cute styles or dressing up and wearing 3 inch heels.

What I am saying is that is not Me, as I embrace the Crone stage of my Life.

Oh I have all the Reasons why this is Not about setting up a Barrier of any sort. In fact, I have finally Let Go of all the Barriers I once had! Whew! It has been such Freedom! (Now lets see when I get brave enough to not wear a bra to work!)

Anyway....I have done the Work and am a Healthy, Independent, Single woman who Chooses to be Single. I don't want a man in my life (well except for my dad, my son and my cousin)! I love love love being alone and have not missed Companionship one bit since I left my marriage 11 years ago.

But here is the point of my blog post:

I woke up this week one morning and had one of those great Ah-ha moments! Here it is:

IF I HAD WANTED TO SET UP A BARRIER THEN THAT WOULD BE MY CHOICE TO DO SO AND TO HELL WITH ANYONE THINKING I NEED THERAPY TO CORRECT IT!

Again don't misconstrue what I am saying: I love therapy! But do you see what the Realization is? It is as much of my Choice to not wear makeup anymore, to keep my hair pulled up and not highlight it, and not set up barriers as it is my Choice to wear makeup, color my hair and set up barriers.

That is the Freedom! That is the Divine Feminine Voice that as wombyn  we have forgotten to Listen to and to use! I get to CHOOSE! I get to say Yes, I get to say No, I get to say When, and I get to say with Who! I get to make the Decisions that do no harm to myself or to others! And whether or not I wear makeup does not hurt either.

It is not Freedom to think that I have to wear makeup in order to attract a man or woman to me. That is Patriarchal bullshit! That is the lie that keeps Wombyn in captivity. That is the lie that keeps Wombyn in sexual bondage! That my sisters is the Lie that is told to us by society, religion, families, government, etc. Do you see that?

So we are told If and When we can access birth control, If and When we can have an abortion, How much we should weigh, What jobs we can hold and Who the heck we can marry, and this just touches the surface of the Choices we have taken out of our hands or that have been spelled out to us that are the only right choices to make.

But my mom and probably others think I am making myself as "ugly" as possible so a man won't be attracted to me. How sad is that? You know how sad? My mom and dad have been married for 63 years, since they were 18 years of age. And when my mom had bronchitis a month ago and had a high fever and could hardly breathe she got up every day took her shower, put her makeup on and got back in bed. When I asked why? This is what she said, "Well, your dad is here and wants to see me looking as good as I can!" This is what makes me sad, because she isn't the only woman in the world brainwashed like this.

Nope! Thank you very much, I have decided to remain Single and be Happy about it. I like not wearing makeup any more and not having to fix my hair. I take a shower every day and put on clean clothes, so I don't smell bad or am dirty (which would also be MY choice if I so chose that way to live. Of course, I might loose my job so that falls under the harming myself catagory, right?)

And most of all I Love not having a man in my life! And it has little to do with what happened in my marriage.

It's Choices! And it's My Choices! And it is Your Choices!

Embrace and claim that Feminine Voice that will never lie to you, never betray you and will always steer you to make the Right Decision for YOU!

That my Sisters is the Way of the Goddess!

Blessed be!