I am Weary of the Roller Coaster ride!

Now, I use to love roller coaster rides! Haven't actually been on one since my disc surgery and probably won't again in this life time. I will miss the thrill of the curves, the drops and the speed.

What I don't like are the roller coasters of life!

(pix of the roller coaster in my home town: Lakeside amusement park now demolished)

I remember when I worked at Lakeside Amusement Park and a bunch of us decided to ride the roller coaster 50 times in a row. It was a slow day and so that is exactly what we did. 50 times on this old wooden roller coaster (maybe that is why years later I had to have 3 discs fused together in my neck!). Half way through I remember thinking, "ok, I'm done, I want this to stop, I want to get off!" But I stayed on and when it was over I think it was a very long time before I got back on the Shooting Star!

That being said, today, "I'm done! I want this to stop, I want to get off!" My life have been a roller coaster ride of late and I am weary.

It takes a lot for me to grow Weary. I tend to have high energy levels (well, not as high now that I am in my 60's but still more than a lot of people my age!) and can weather most of the major drops and climbs with grace and optimism.

But right now...not so much. And good grief...I should be flying around those curves and down those hills smiling all the way with my hands in the air! My first book is getting ready to be published for goodness sakes. And yes, that is the thrill as I take that first climb to the top of the highest point on the ride!

But I am weary, and unlike the old days, when I felt totally guilty about feeling this way, I am admitting it with all my might! I WANT TO GET OFF!

I want people to take a break and not die for awhile (in the last 2 months, 2 aunts, a cousin and yes even Spock!) I want to not have to debate with my mom whether we are going to funerals (no, we didn't get invited to Nimoy's...just sayin') and then help her work through the guilt of the decision not to go. I want funerals to actually be about the woman who dies and not the man who is left behind. I want those who deserve to die (like my pedophile brother and my ex) to do so and those like my 41 year old cousin...yes and Nimoy.... not to!

But I am happy that my first Social Security Check was deposited this week AND that my 1st book is going to be published!!!!

I don't want to deal with vertigo or the arthritis in my left thumb joint. Nor do I want the next mouth surgery in March where I have my entire lower gums filled with cadaver skin to build up my recessive gums and then a month later have more implant surgery!

I am thrilled that my son is in his first apartment and working full time.

I don't like that his ex is stalking and harassing him to the point he will have to get a restraining order.

I am happy that my daughter is an outspoken and wise woman, will be heading to Texas next weekend for a conference and then off to Maine in 6 weeks.

I don't like that I am now trying to fit 34 hours of work into 24 hours a week. All the same expectations are there for me to produce at the same level as I did before.

I am weary.

And this is Life!

I know it to be true, but today, I want to get on the Merry Go Round and ride the beautiful horses!

OMG>>>>NO!!!!!!!

I remember in the last 2 years of my marriage saying over and over again, "Someone stop this Merry go Round and let me get off!"

Maybe amusement parks aren't as fun as they look.

I think I will stay away from the Haunted House!

Blessed be!