Ripping is good for the Anger inside

I have just spent 2 hours sitting on my couch ripping pictures out of magazines for my SoulCollage cards. I realized I had to rip and tear to keep me from ripping and tearing apart certain family members.

This week has been hard; physically, emotionally, and spiritually.

As most, I come from a dysfunctional family. Didn't feel that way until the man who also came from my mother's womb and my dad's sperm (I can no longer call him brother and I no longer acknowledge him as such) began his total destruction of the family and then bowed out totally for 8 years to lick his own wounds. Then I found out what he had done to my two sisters; one with memories of the 6 years of sexual abuse and 1 with no memories of her childhood at all and wondering what happened to her. Both suffer consequences of such horrible power and control of a brother on a sister.

When my youngest sister was 17, she told our parents and they chose to do nothing and take no responsibility. Later on, he treated them badly and didn't speak to them for 8 years.  He does not visit them and now calls every now and then and my mom gets all giddy and excited. It sickens me to my very core!

Oh my goodness...but all has been forgiven by my mom because the Bible tells her so! I have let it be (well for the most part) as she is old and she is a Christian and he is her son, blah blah blah! But I do speak my mind to her.

Yesterday, my other brother who totally loves his brother and says everyone just needs to get over this posted a picture on Facebook of this man officiating a Redskin football game this past fall with a glorifying post of his awesome brother. My mom/dad then commented how wonderful and my mom/dad shared the picture on their page with also wonderful words.

It took everything in  me to comment: "Oh yea....THE PEDOPHILE MONSTER coaching football! Wow, let's celebrate!"

Instead I unfriended both my mom/dad and my brother.

Last night my middle sister (we don't talk often) called me and we talked for 3 hours. She has been dealing with all of this and was triggered into outrageous anger by the posting and honoring of this Monster, especially after our mom/dad shared it.

Now, I could kinda get past it, but these are the same people who had to "unfollow" my gay nephew cause they get sicken by looking at the pictures of their grandson with his boyfriend. They re-share pictures of my youngest nieces pictures with their new boyfriends and all other friends of theirs, but not their gay grandson! He is sinful and going against god's commands and yet they will post out there the picture of their PEDOPHILE SON! What is wrong with this world?

And I sat through a 1 1/2 hour funeral for my wonderful and loving Aunt Edith on Thursday where her name was not mentioned but maybe 5 times. The rest of the time the three men who spoke (some man who was promoting his book and 2 pastors) hailed the wonderful man my uncle was/is as he taught so many to fly airplanes, and the awesome Flying Service that my uncle had. My Aunt ran the business and he taught the flying.

SHE WAS INVISIBLE AT HER OWN FUNERAL.

Now, I know that my paternal family had/has strong feeling about women, anyone not white, anyone not Christian, etc, but this was just so horrible. I am so happy that my Uncle is totally deaf and slept through the entire funeral that he couldn't hear anyway. I want to believe he would not have been happy with this funeral.

INVISIBLE WOMEN....HONORING MEN....SUFFERING WOMEN...HONORING MEN....

I really want to pack up, move out into the forest where no one can find me but my kids and my youngest sister and those Sisters of the Goddess Table! I am tired at 62 of everything. I am tired. So very tired.

So, until I can actually run away (which will probably never happen), I am going back to tearing and ripping pictures out of magazines....that makes sense to me.

And I will cry inside and out for the Inner little girls of my sisters and all the women in the world who have had their childhoods stolen by men; and their adult lives damaged by men.

Blessed be!