Poppet work in progress!

I am fairly new using Poppets in my Magick. I have worked with Poppets a few times and seen wonderful outcomes. I now take on a bigger project and wanted to share with you and ask for you to stand with me and send energy.

It is for my son.

My son is 33 years old, single, and struggles with Depression. He is very intelligent, has a college degree and is an incredible swim coach for a high school team during the school year and a summer league in the summer.

That being said, he has been working as an Aide with Autistic Elementary school for the past few years for minimum wage and no benefits. In the Fall he began a Masters Program in Occupational Therapy at Radford University. He took out a loan and drove 45 minutes every day to attend classes. He could not be employed, due to the amount of work required for this 2 year program (a stipulation by the program!) and all the classes being during the day.

My son is very bright and really doesn't have to attend classes to learn, but he does love the interaction with others. But he found out, that the professors were judgmental, bias, racial at times and very very Christian in their speech and requirements (he is an atheist and makes no bones about it! )   He went into a bit of depression one week and asked for special services through the Disability Department. There is a waiting time and so he went to his professors and asked for the time away from class telling them he would email the readings, papers, etc. to them. They all refused, saying he had to be in class or would fail.

By midterm, the religious and mental health discrimination was so bad he had to quit school. Of course, this was past the drop/add period and the school has refused to reimburse his money. He has met with the heads of the department and the Disability Department with no results. He does not have the money to get a lawyer. Of course, another failure for him and he is hitting a low again!

So Mama Bear has gone to work: here is the Poppet I made this week:

After making the Poppet, I took it to the Sisterhood Altar I tend and lit Sage. I let the Sage surround him with the power and energy of the request as I spoke the intention and the rune names and meanings. I have done this every night for 3 nights so far.

I keep the Poppet laying on my Altar inside with quarters at the head, both arms and legs (do you see the pentacle?) I also have now placed stones for grounding of the request and energy from the stones.

I will keep doing this until my son receives what he is due. He has excellent documentation and has it all submitted for consideration. He wants to look at another program, hopefully in NC, but must resolve this situation first as the loan will come due in the next few months and he doesn't have the money to pay it back.

So, that is my Poppet Magick! I have not been "taught" how to do this! I am just asking and listening to my inner Witch! Suggestions always welcome!

Thank you for sending your energy to my son!

Blessed be and love!  

I AM GRANDMOTHER TREE

First Vision for Quest 2015!
(during massage! I told you she has healing hands, I have my best visions during my massages!)

Very aware of my Chakras. Went through and aligned them. I then sensed energy being pulled up through my roots and traveling the vascular system. I then sensed energy pouring in through my Crown; tips of branches. This Pouring In and Pulling into Cycled through me. I then realized:
I AM THE TREE!

I became Grandmother Tree, standing Regal and Tall Gazing over the Lake, Mountains, Oceans, Plains, and Valleys. The Energy pouring from Goddess Spirit and the Energy pulling up from Mother Earth, Pachamama, coursing through my body: Here is my story!

I was once a young Sapling, Tender, Fragile, Untested, Grown from Seed in a Hot House, protected from the outside world. A Tree Farmer took me and Planted me in His Field of Knowing. He Dug the Hole, He Fertilized with His Sperm, His knowledge, His Water. I did not like the Taste of This Field, but didn't know there were Different Fields.

I Grew~~
But if a Branch Grew not to His Liking, He Cut off the Branch leaving an Open Wound in my Bark.

 
I Grew~~
More Painful Pruning, more His Fertilizer, more His Knowledge.

I Grew~~ I Questioned~~ I Wondered~~

My Roots went Deep~~~ Deep into Pachamama~~~~I FOUND HER! 

As I Soaked in Her Water, Her Nutrients, I also Soaked in Her Wisdom and Knowledge. When He Pruned, two Branches Grew in its place; branches returned from the Old Wounds. Sister Sun and Grandmother Moon poured Energy into my Crown.

I Knew~~~~

One Day I KNEW I could leave His Forest and like the ENTS, I pulled up my Deep Roots and left; left His Forest, His Fertilization, His Knowledge and Action of Destruction, Harm, Power and Control.

New Forests of Pachamama awaited my Arrival. Planted where I now did my Own Pruning if needed, Drank Deeply from Water Goddess.
And I Grew Tall, Strong, Regal, Rooted in the Truth of the Divine Female, the Earth Mamma, of all the Ancient ones! 

I am now GRANDMOTHER TREE

Blessed be! 

The Darkest Night, Dark Moon, Shadows

Blessed Winter Solstice and Blessed Dark Moon!

Amazing Energy surrounds this Day in the Northern Hemisphere. The Night will be at it's Longest and the Moon has made Her journey to Rest. All is Dark. All is Dark.

And it is often in the Darkness when our Shadows come knocking on the Doorway to our Mind, Body and Soul. Oh our Beloved Shadows. We have such a love/hate relationship with them.

Yet, without our Shadows, the work of the Dark cannot be done. Without our Shadows, the Story we must Rewrite, Redefine and Reframe cannot come to Pen. Without our Shadows, we only Exist in a superficial world full of misshapened Dreams and False Selves created out of our Attempts to keep the Shadows in the Closet, in the Wells, in the Graves.

It took me awhile to answer the Door and not wait until the Shadows broke the Windows to my Soul and came in anyway. I was most often unprepared and thus unable to deal with what the Shadows had to teach me. I learned that opening the Door and inviting the Shadow in, sitting at the Table with a cup of tea and a scone, was the Wise Way to Journey with Shadow in the Dark Time.

Now, what I learned is that not all Shadows are Dark. If we remember, Shadows are merely our own Reflection caused by Sister Sun bouncing Her Light off of our Divine and Holy Bodies onto Mother Earth! Shadows are the Reflection caused by Brilliant Sun! Shadows are the Reflection of Us.

When Shadow comes to visit, I want to Remember this. Shadow is not the Reflection of the One who caused us Pain and Injury. Shadow is the Reflection of our Divine Wholeness during and after the Story that someone else wished to Pen for Us.

Most of the Time, we took on the Shadow of the Other and left our Real Shadow in the Drawer, just like what happened in Peter Pan! Shadow comes to Remind us and Help us Find the Shadow we chose not to wear.

Working with Shadow, at the Table, around tea and a scone, helps us unleash the Shadow of the Other and attach the Shadow of Our Real Self. The Shadow of Who we were before, during and now after what ever caused us to hide our Own Shadow and Take on the Other.

Sometimes we can do this Alone and sometimes we need Someone else to help us Find, Accept and Attach the Real Us Shadow. It is important for us to not give up this endeavor, but try to find that person, that Sister, who will take the Time to sew us back together!

Tonight we have more Dark to work with then we will the rest of this Year and into the next. Tonight with the Total Darkness that will prevail with Dark Grandmum Moon and the Solstice, is a good time to sit and Invite a Shadow or two to the Table around the Yule Log.

Is this your Real Self Shadow? Then spend time talking about what it was like to loose, find and reattach it.

Is this the Other Shadow? Then spend time saying Good-bye and thank you, but no thank you and begin cutting free that Shadow. Oh it won't be easy. That Shadow has probably been attached for quiet awhile (some of mine are years old!) and the surgery will be difficult at best (this is when that Sister who knows how to Sew on Shadows is right there waiting to be invited to the Table also).

But once the Shadow is unleashed and the Window is opened so it can fly back to it's original owner, the Refreshing and Magickal process begins. You may find yourself Shadowless for a bit of time as you search all the drawers and closets for your Real Self Shadow, but I promise you it is well worth the Seeking and Finding! She has been waiting so long for you to come and Reattach Her!

This is not easy work but it is necessary work. What a wonderful Time to begin, but tonight at the Darkest of Darkest!

And you know, Shadows don't wait until the Darkest of Times to show up! Nope, Shadow shows up when it is Time for us to Remove, and Reattach! Powerful work no matter when it happens!

Tonight I have she Shadow of "Guilt" to invite to the Table and say Good bye for the last time. I tend to not totally Remove Shadows and then wonder why the Real Shadow of Me does not fully Attach and then is once again lost to me. Well tonight, around the Sisterhood Altar, I will let it go back to those who Instilled the Shadow of Guilt onto my body!

What I know is that the Sisters I have around me have been the ones to help me realize this fact; that my Real Shadow reflected by Sister Sun to Mother Earth cannot fully Attached unless I totally Remove the Other Shadow. So tonight, this Solstice/Dark Moon Night, the instruments in my Traveling Cloak are my Drum, Flute, Candles and the Love and Energy of all my Sisters and the Goddess!

I wish you a Blessed Solstice, a Magickal Yule and many many Table Times with Shadows as you move to the Whole Divine You!

Love, Light, and Darkness!

 

Rewriting our Story!

On this Yule Eve, I have been thinking about my past and the past of so many others, who graciously share Journey Stories with me. It is amazing how many have Stories that are not ones we would choose to be apart of. If only we could take a few chapters out of our Life Story and replace them with the Rockwell pictures we see of happy times and happy families.

But alas for a large majority of people, especially women, we have way too many Chapters that we not only wished we had never lived but that we wish others would never know about. And as such we choose to try to keep that old closet shut up and try to "put on the happy face."

At 62 years of age I have become aware of something that I want to blog about.

How do we Reframe or even Rewrite our Journey Stories?

Is it even possible?

When I say that to some women, they will say, "no, that means I have to 'get over it' and I am tired of people telling me that." Does it have to mean that? Because you see, I am not sure we ever "get over" those things that have left deep imbedded scars. I think this is when we rewrite the Story.

I have deep scars from being married to a sociopath narcissistic man for 30 years. Deep deep scars. For too many years after I walked out from this marriage, I would only remember those times that caused the scars. I tried so hard to heal them, but as we know, the very essence of a scar is the visual reminder of injury that does not go away; it may fade but does not go away.

At this time of year; Holidays; it seems these scars, these memories come a visitin' just like unwanted friends and relatives. They come as the Darkness invades our lives, the cold keeps us inside, and our dreams of different Chapters in our Story are confronted by all the happy, happy, joyful sounds and pictures of more than ideal relationships and lives.

I choose not to Replace but to Reframe! I choose not to Delete but to Define! I choose to Rewrite that which I had no control over Writing at the Time. But now...you see....now I can write my Story any way I want to, because it is MY Story and I have complete control over the Pen!

This was hard work and every now and again, I find that wadded up piece of paper from a Rewritten Chapter again in the Book. When this happens I have to tear it out again and say good bye and no thank you! It now is an unwanted Gift.  It has been awhile since those pages have shown up.

What would your story look like when you Rewrite It? Mine does not look like those Norman Rockwell pictures I can tell you! I don't want a life where there was only happy, easy peasy times. I am who I am because of the hard times, the hurtful times, and even the abusive times. And in that way, I totally Reframe the Story. It is what the Scars now look like for me! It is the Story I choose to tell around those Scars; not denial stories, but stories of what I learned, what I have taught others and how I am a braver, more empowered woman as a result! The Story is not "their" victory but mine! The Story is not "their power and control" but mine! The Story is not "their" anything! It is all mine!

So find time during these Dark Nights to begin writing a New Story for you! And then share it with others. I am! And I will be doing more of this in the coming years. At 62 I have less time to  Reframe, Rewrite, and Redefine...so I have to get busy! We are all in  this together.

Blessed be and much love!

Oh Facebook!

So when I was a little girl, oh like elementary school cause I had to know how to write, I had numerous Pen Pals from around the world. In those Ancient of Days, you could have your name and address put in the back of a comic book under Pen Pals and hopefully be in touch with people you would never meet in person! 

I loved my Pen Pals. My memory has lost names and where they were from, but I know I had great fun writing letters and sending a picture. But oh the Wait was so hard. It would take a month or so for a letter to come back. When it did, I would read it over and over again, imagining this person being my best friend and me living in their part of the world. I think my love of writing and sending cards and letters is left over from this very exciting part of my life.

If I remember correctly, and at 62 it gets harder, these contacts continued until my teen years and then slowly they came to an end. I don't know if they sent the last letter or I did, but I had my "real life" friends and high school activities keeping me too busy to continue this enjoyable practice.

In October as I was writing on Facebook, I got a message from the Almighty Powers that be (no not Hekate or Isis!) that I could no longer use Sunshine Fae as my facebook name. I had to use a legal one and if I didn't change it, I would loose my page. And so I did. I changed it to Deb Sunshine Hillman, much to my disappointment to loose my Pagan Name on Facebook. I was mad but finally settled in and went on with setting the Goddess Table, and conversing with my Sisters there.

Yesterday, Facebook decided to Lock me out of my page. I had to send them visual proof that this was my legal name. I can't tell you how upset I became. I called Autumn Earthsong and vented all over the place trying to decide what to do. I could not be without my facebook friends! So I sent the Powers that Be (no not Demeter or Athena) a copy of my Voter Registration Card ( the least dangerous I figured). Now I had to wait! But how long? How would I get word out that I was not gone forever!

Ah ha.....I set up a new page and sent out invites to all the Sisters explaining how I had been bullied, victimized, and probably would have irreparable psychological damage from all of this. It was an evening I don't want to remember, but today I have begun laughing a bit about it.

THERE ARE ALWAYS LESSONS TO BE LEARNED! And here is what I learned:

1.  This was not personal. The Powers that Be do not even know me. Their computer program just happened to pick me (and many others) to verify I am who I am. Wasn't about me...it was about the rules Facebook is now trying to enforce for some reason that I may never be privy to!

2.  Facebook is my Pen Pal! Facebook is my name and others in the back of a comic book saying, "I am looking for friends around the world"! What is wonderful is for the most part the response is almost immediate to any post which is a whole lot better than waiting a month or more for another letter to come back. No wonder I am so in love with this social medium! Instant Gratification is like very cool!

3. This is the most important! I have women here on Facebook that have mentored me, supported me, loved me, cared about me, and set me straight like no one I have ever had in my life (save maybe my youngest bio-sister!). I have been able to walk with women on journeys that no on should ever have to walk and felt I actually was important to their journey as they are important to mine. I get to have relationships...real and pure and spiritual relationships with women I would never have met any other way!

And so last night when I was locked away from my Facebook Sisters I totally freaked. Not because I am addicted to Facebook, because I don't see this as an addiction. I see this as Coming Home every day. But to a Home I have never known before. A Home where family speak different languages but the same language. A Home where differences are embraced and not judged. A Home where I can go to put up my feet and share a chuckle or a tear and know that tomorrow this person will still be there!

I have made life long friends on social media! How absolutely cool is that.

So yes, Oh Facebook! I do have a love/hate relationship with you! But heck, I had that with my ex and with the Christian Church and I survived! But unlike those....I won't be leaving Facebook!

Blessed be and much love!

See you on Facebook!

We Thirst!

It seems that I am taking Journeys during my massages and yesterday was no different!

I found myself in the Cave where I often set the Goddess Table; where we Gathered around the Cherry Crystal Table; where the Ancestors joined us in the thousands and there was a Place for Everyone.

Yes, we were Gathered there and from the depths of the Cave, Ancestors arrived and took each of us by Hand and led us down a Moistened Path to a wide open Room.

Our Guides stood along side of us~~hundreds of us~~and Encouraged us to stand and look around us. You see as Women, we tend to not Drink in our Surroundings.

Along the Wall were small Waterfalls. Each with a name:

The Water of Voice!
The Water of Peace!
The Water of Freedom!
The Water of Healthy Boundaries!
The Water of Kindness!
The Water of Understanding!
The Water of Compassion!
The Water of Love!
The Water of Respect!
The Water of No Pain!
The Water of No Dis-ease!
The Water of Joy and Happiness!
The Water of Healing!
The Water of Clarity!
The Water of Being Heard!
The Water of Strength, Bravery and Fortitude! 
The Water of Truth!
The Water of Intimacy!
The Water of Protection!
The Water of Abundance!
The Water of Safety!
The Water of Vulnerability!
The Water of Creativity!
The Water of Acceptance!
The Water of Being Seen!
The Water of Sisterhood!
The Water of .............
And Many many others Waters, each which were Needed to Quench our Thirst!

As we Looked all around us; our Eyes went Skyward and above us were the Ancestors and all the Goddesses. And from them Poured the Waters from their Eyes and their Hearts!

Faeries arrived in all their Glory; each of us having our own Faery to Tend to us.

She first removed our old Clothing; Some of us Willing gave the Clothing up, Some Fought to keep their Clothing, Some reluctantly gave up parts but fought to keep other pieces. But eventually Each Sister stood Naked in the Womb of the Cave. No one was Forced, and Time Stood Still as Each Sister was Given the Time and Space to Let the Process happen!

The Faeries then took Buckets and filled them with the Flowing Waters, now Washing our Bodies. Again, some of us were Open and Ready while others were embarrassed and tried to cover themselves and stop the washing. Each of us responded in a Different and Unique way to this Caretaking.

Some of us Withdrew, hiding in the Corners that did not exist as this was a totally Round Room, but Search they did for a Place where they could become Invisible. Their Faery followed them and in that Dark and Hidden place they Continued to Wash them. Never Forcing, always Patient, always Kind!

What I realized was that this Washing was NOT because we were Dirty, but it was to begin Opening our very Pores to Receive that which we Thirst for.

Soon, the Faeries left and we were there in the Room with the Water Falling from the Eyes and Hearts of the Ancestors and Goddesses.

From another Path, Elves began to arrive. Tall and stately with long hair glistening with Sparkles, they walked slowly up to each of us carrying Beautiful Gowns of Gold and Silver threads. They placed a Gown on each of us. Again, some of us almost grabbed the Gowns wanting to Wrap ourSelves in the Delicious material; others continued to look for their own Clothing, and still others did not want to come out of the Shadows. But each of us were finally clothed in the Beautiful Gown chosen just for us! Never being Forced or Hurried.

The Faeries arrived, each carrying a Crown of Jewels. As mine was placed on my head I realized that it was not heavy, but was light and airy. Some of us received the Crowns graciously, others tried their best to take theirs off and still others claimed that they did not Deserve all of this. And still others continued to hide in the Shadows but their Crowns still adorned their heads. Not being Forced or Hurried!

Light People arrived and placed in each of our hands a Crystal Goblet. We were then Invited to Drink of the Waters. In time we each filled our Goblets, over and over again, as we were so Thirsty! We drank and drank until we thought we could Drink no More and yet, we continued to Drink.

There in the Womb of the Mother Earth; we Drank from the Waters provided by the Ancestors and the Goddesses! We Drank in Sisterhood! We Filled our Goblets with all that has been Lacking and for which we Thirst for!

Soon, the Ancestors and the Goddesses stopped their Tears and Smiled upon us and Joined us in the Womb of Mom! The Elves and Faery, each in turned stood before us and kissed us on the Forehead!

With the Ancestors and the Goddess we Walked back to the Opening of the Cave where the Cherry Crystal Table awaited us with other nourishment for the Journey Ahead. For you see, we are now Forever Changed. We will Never be the Same. When we leave the Womb of Mom, we can Never Go back to the Way Life was.

Or so we Thought.

There at the Opening back into the World were the Clothes we arrived in.

Some of us Walked Past our Clothing, intentionally leaving Behind that which no Longer Served us; that Which was Increasingly smothering us, chocking us and locking us into the Shame, the Voicelessness, the Abuse, the Pain, the Dis-ease!

Others stopped and gazed upon the Clothing, sensing that leaving it there meant leaving What had been the only Truth we knew.

Others picked through their pile and chose Pieces they were not Ready to leave behind; but they carried them out and did not put them on.

Other Sisters removed the Glistening Robes and the Crown of Jewels and put on all the Clothes they had arrived with.

And it was all OK.

There was no Judgment, there were no Questioning Looks at each other, there was no "Us and Them"~~~~

There was only Sisterhood. Each of us Walking out into the World Changed in Ways Unique to Us.

And our Thirst was Quenched.

And yet there was this Knowing that the closer we got to Returning to our Thirsty Life the harder it would be to Embrace the Waters that Filled us to Overflowing. We have the Awareness that in Order to Live, we must Journey to the Place of Falling Waters. We must Return there Often and with our Sisters. And if we Journey to the Place of the Waters Alone, the Ancestors and the Goddesses, and the Faery and the Elves will be there with us.

For you see Sisters, as much as we think and feel we are Alone~~~~~~

We are Never Alone!

Blessed be!

Rescuing OurSelves!

Cinderella, Sleeping Beauty, Hansel and Gretel, and Rapunzel. Just a few of the Stories we Women grew up with.

Common theme: Girl/Woman is abused, poisoned, lost and/or trapped. Thus needing a Knight in Shining Armor to RESCUE her from the evils that have been placed upon her. She was too Weak to Rescue HerSelf!

A very dear and close Sister friend of mine is on a Finding My Voice Quest this week. On Monday, she had Enough, packed her bags to head 4 hours to a hotel for the week. She called her husband one hour into the trip to tell him she was doing this. Needless to say he was not a happy camper. The only other two people she told were me and her mother.

You see I Know her Story well. It is the Story of so many of us! Sexually abused as a child, bullied as a teen, verbally, mentally and emotionally abused by her husband and kids. She had lost her Voice, her Control, even her Will to Live. She packed her Bags and left for her Quest this week!

This morning she was telling me what happened yesterday. She was amazed that "all of a sudden" her Women Friends were calling just to check in. "Haven't talked in awhile, so thought I would call and see how you are." None of these women knew she had left on this Quest or even having problems.

You see, the Web of Sisterhood is this Connected! A Sister in Distress sends out into the Sisterhood Web vibrations that Alerts other Sisters on a level that is as deep as our DNA. She shared with each of them what was going on and she received the Love and Support that only Sisters can give one another.

Each one of them asked where she was staying, telling her they would be right there to open a bottle of wine and to help her. She would not tell any of them as she knew they would come. She told these wonderful Sisters that she had to do this on her Own.

And this is what I told her:

Yes, this is about YOU RESCUING YOU!  That is the most Empowering and Sustaining Rescue there is.  Only YOU can Rescue that Little Girl that needed Rescuing but no one came. Only YOU can Rescue that Teenager who found herself in a situation that no woman wants to find herself in as a high school teen. Only YOU can Rescue the Mother and the Wife!

When we Rescue OurSelves we are finally and totally in Charge and can never go back to way things were. For you see, at the end of the Day the Knight will always fall off the horse. The Knight will tell lies, will take credit and will place you in bondage just simply because he/she came to the Rescue.

This is the Ultimate Rescue. When we Finally let the Voice come forth that says I will no longer be told to "not tell", "to be silent", "to help at all costs", "to put the Oxygen Mask in the Airplane on everyone else before I put it on My Self" (remember that is one of the first things they tell you in the airplane: if there is an emergency, you always put your own oxygen mask on first, before you put it on anyone else including your child!)

It is that Voice that has been Silenced by even the Fairy Tales we are told over and over again as children. Don't complain about being a servant, Cinderella; don't be the prettiest, Sleeping Beauty; don't go into the woods, Gretel, or you will get us lost; I own you, Rapunzel, so you must stay locked up forever as you are mine and belong to no one else because I love you.

We are told the lie that we must put that Oxygen mask on everyone else....the entire plane in fact.... and if We die, well that is just too bad; we should have worked harder to get back to our own mask.

My dear Sister Friend is on her Rescue Quest and I am so happy and proud of her. She is taking time to Listen, to Play and to See what a new Story looks like for her.

So many of us still need to be Rescued. We are trapped in pasts still controlling us. We are trapped in marriages/relationships that seem impossible to get released from. We are trapped in the lies that we now believe are true. We have lost our Voice. BUT like Gretel, we know on the deepest level how to Rescue ourSelves! We know How to get Free. For some of us, like me it meant after 30 years, saying Enough is Enough and leaving for good. For some it means getting counseling, taking medications, going to Yoga, or even a week Quest and then returning and setting the Boundaries that needed to be set so long ago.

And all the while the Sisterhood Web vibrates alerting us all, that another Sister is Trapped and trying to get Released! We KNOW! We sense it! We pray, we send energy, we rejoice and we cry!

But Ultimately We are the Only One Who can Rescue our Self! And that my SiStars is Magickal, Empowering and Changes not only Us but every other Sister who breathes the same air in the Forest! 

Blessed be!